Aidan’s pornstasch is the star of the show.
I haven’t gotten around to watching the fourth season premiere of the original UK version of Being Human yet, but according to tumblr it was a trainwreck. It’s on my catch-up list for tomorrow. After all, sometimes tumblr is delusional. However, the third season was a special brand of painful, so I’m willing to let tumblr take the point this time around.
In the meantime, the North American version of Being Human is doing a good job of following in Europe’s footsteps with this week’s Series of Unfortunate Events. The most unfortunate of these events, of course, being the fact that there were so many crammed into forty-odd minutes of basic cable television. And this isn’t like the brand of unfortunate that plagues Supernatural, where viewers spend an hour longing for Jared Padalecki’s luscious locks only to be found contemplating the cruelty of life over a bottle of supermarket chardonnay and poorly cooked Hot Pockets.
Nor is it like Sam Witwer’s pre-Being Human film, The Mist, where my brother and I thought we had signed up for two hours of gore and badassery and left the theater thoroughly confused about life. No, this is the kind of unfortunate that one finds during a bad episode of <a href=”http://tvgeekarmy.com/post/tag/saturday-night-live”>Saturday Night Live</a>, where everyone tries really really hard and nothing comes together, and ultimately, we’re left with a bunch of scenes tied together with only the most delicate of strings… and there isn’t a laugh in sight.
Here are things that happened that you should care about (theoretically):
- Aidan descends further into the dark abyss blood-fueled drunk munchies. When he isn’t looking paler than usual and roaming Boston looking for a fix (ok, the thing with the implied kiddie prostitution was jarring, I’ll give you that, writers, I’ll give you that), he’s caught in flashbacks to the last time Mother thought letting Princess Suren rule Beantown. Apparently that French chick from last season wasn’t the first woman that Aidan tried to run away with (really). Unlike the incident with the French chick, however, Aidan’s failing with Suren back in the 1930s was pretty much his own indecisive fault. I think. Mostly I kept getting distracted by his ultra-skinny pornstach and kept wondering whether or not it made Sam Witwer’s upper lip itch. It looked itchy.
- Josh is accosted in the hospital hallway by a fellow werewolf whose werewolf twin brother something something and got his butt locked in the psych ward. Josh helps the Wonder Twins escape from Girl, Interrupted and is rewarded with two shiny new best friends, purebred vampires who snort wolfsbane like cocaine (really) to keep themselves in check since their brains are pretty much all wolf, all the time. They offer to fund Josh’s werewolf cure endeavors in hopes that they can reverse it and exist in their wolf forms 24/7. Josh is torn.
- Sally plays matchmaker with Zoe the Psychic Wonder Nurse and inadvertently discovers that she’s dating Nick the Emo Kid, that ghost who Sally crushed on for an entire episode last season (really). Sally is less than thrilled about the whole thing and wanders off to possess a hot doctor’s hot girlfriend and engage in a curbside make out session. I haven’t decided which situation is more awkward yet but I’m leaning toward Ghost Whisperer and her hipster hubby.
Despite all the action, we don’t get to see much response to anything. Josh is contemplative, Sally and Aidan are lustful. My neck is going to cramp from all of this Linda Blair head spinning action.
This review originally appeared on TV Geek Army.