Last summer, I wrote about how Love is Blind is peak trashtastic TV and why it works.
So let’s just say I’m a fan.
But I’m also quite strategic when I watch it, making heavy use of Netflix’s 10-second fast forward button during specific parts of each season. The show’s formulaic structure unlocks this capability, and I’m here to provide that gift to you.
And that’s the key, the crux, the talisman that will lead you to the LiB promised land: know when to go slow, and when to flow, dig?
In other words: get savvy at knowing precisely when to zoom past the boring, cheese-dappled sappy, and filler-y bits, and your experience will thus be optimized for peak trashtastic reality TV performance.
Here’s the ultimate guide to watching Love Is Blind.
Introduction sequence
You can sit through this if it pleases you, but personally I find this section to be mostly filler. If you’re a Love Is Blind veteran, you’ve heard Nick and Vanessa Lachey awkwardly ask the new set of men and ladies a few get to know you questions and muse for the hundredth time: is love TRULY blind?
Pro tip: blast through this and get thee to the pods.
The pods: get-to-know-you phase
Now, this is the “eat your vegetables” part of the season. It’s important to sit through the early introductions and learn a little bit about the personality and backgrounds of people the show conveys are the spotlight relationships in the early going.
I’ll add that this is also where I typically get a quick feel of who I’m rooting for and who I’m “hate watching” in hope and anticipation that others will see the red flags that I do and stay away.
The pods: this-is-where-things-get-good phase
This is where the Love Is Blind magic happens. The “experiment” at the core of the show is ludicrous, and yet we get sucked back into people falling in love “through a wall” time and time again.
This phase also gets super dramatic when love (through a wall) triangles have to sort out who will ultimately become the odd person out. And then bonus that it’s hilarious when the odd person out switches gears into, “Well, I could see myself marrying my second choice too, so…”
Pro tip: your mileage will vary with sitting through scenes of the gals and dudes hanging out among their own gender in the pod lounge area or whatever it’s called. It’s rare that much of this stuff is scintillating, but it helps to get a read on how these people act outside of the “dates” themselves, and there’s occasional solid drama going on during these moments. Look for opportune moments to slip off some 10-second pops into the future here.
The pods: the engagements and visual reveal
Finally, you can start warming up your fast-forwarding finger again. After a successful proposal – which has a razor-thin chance of sticking over the long haul, but let’s set that aside for the moment – the production gets both gauzy and filler-y.
During the bloated Bachelorette-style build up to the actual visual reveal where the couples see each other for the first time, it’s a good opportunity to skip ahead a little bit.
Exotic vacation phase
Finally, the “winning” couples are together and whisked off to some tropical clime for a group vacation. Eagle-eyed viewers that we are, this is where we can tune in on which couples Couldn’t Be More Thrilled and those where Trouble Clearly ‘Tis Brewing Ahead.
Pro tip: Feel free to skip most of the CBMT action until you get a read that something of interest is going on.
The first (drunken) group get together
Ah, one of the key milestones of any Love Is Blind season: all the couples gather, and everyone gets a visual read on one another for the very first time. Including all of the second choices that didn’t quite work out in those good old pod days.
And critically, there’s alcohol involved here – often quite a lot of it, and always in those signature gold goblet cups – which helps juice the action.
No skipping here, to paraphrase our guy Gary Shandling circa The Larry Sanders Show. This is what we signed up for as trashtastic TV superfans.
Back to the real world phase
I’ll watch enough of this to get a vibe on what dynamics will become important to the couples at this point. Sometimes this is where CBMT couples turn into Actually We Could Be More Thrilled based on some consideration of where they’d prefer to live or figuring out that one of them is a neat freak and the other a slob.
However, production filler picks up here so it usually pays off to skip ahead a bit where it seems to do so.
Important pro tip: if you learn nothing else from this ridiculous Ultimate Guide to Watching Love Is Blind, pay heed to this: look out for confessional interviews, where we see one person talking to the camera by themselves. This means there’s some real drama brewing, and you’ll want to pay close attention. And triple down on this if there’s a title card thrown in, such as “Matt left the apartment at 2:18 a.m. and hasn’t been seen since.”
Meeting friends and family phase
Every once in a while, there’s something interesting that happens regarding a crazy family member or some best friend who goes bonkers over an engagement, but typically this is a Fast Forward Free Fire zone. Have at it here – zoom to the hills.
It’s getting close to the wedding phase
As the clock ticks down to the actual wedding date – which again is an artificially imposed date imposed to maximize drama and work within a reality TV production schedule – this is where I budget my viewing time based on which couples hold drama and which don’t have a lot going on.
Keep in mind that I’ll typically be rooting for some couples and against others for reasons I guard closely with my heart, but that doesn’t always mean they’re worth hanging out with by this phase of the season.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties
This is one of the few slices of Love Is Blind where it’s hard to tell if something truly compelling will happen or not. A wildcard within the greater menagerie. Delve in, breathe the reality TV air, immerse yourself in the uncertainty.
And don’t forget to enjoy.
Wedding shopping and pre-wedding runup
You’ve trained all season for this overly long section. Blast that fast forward button like the TV watching Olympian you know you are.
The wedding ceremony
I strongly advise you keep the Fast Forward Party going strong here, right up until the moment that we find out if “love is truly…”
I’m being serious: I run things right up until we learn whether the couples say yes at the altar or do the thing that would be completely and utterly insane in the real world: tell friends, family, and guests at the ceremony that “nah, you know what, I’m actually good being single still, thanks.”
For the weddings that detonate, there’s sometimes some extra antics to stick around for, but otherwise, keep on trucking as the kids say.
Wait, they say that still, right?
The reunion
Love Is Blind reunions are surprisingly entertaining by reality TV show standards. I’ll usually let my fast forwarding finger rest up at this point, though I always reserve the right to zip past filibustering or people who particularly annoy me.
Bonus: here’s a fun and insightful piece from The Atlantic highlighting Chris Fusco’s insane (and insanely entertaining) villainous turn from this latest season of the show.