“Yeah, those mothers just left their kids here in a bar with complete strangers in a pageant that’s under investigation.” – Sweet Dee
Tag: Comedy
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, “Frank’s Brother”: mouth hoagies
“I guess that don’t leave me with no choice… but to be a mature-ass adult about this s—! I’m working on my temper. But know that I strongly disagree with this!” – Reggie
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, “Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games”: sunny spots
Emotional battery and public humiliation await all who would play.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, “Dennis Gets Divorced”: Ponderosa’s Ponderosa
“I’m not drunk. I’m more sober than I’ve ever been in my entire life.” – Dennis
Conan O’Brien Must Go brings Conan’s need for a friend to the Max
“That’s what I do. That is my gift.”
Cougar Town, “Letting You Go”: morning drinking
“That makes my lady parts beep.” – Laurie
Cougar Town, “Little Girl Blues”: Cobb-stopping
“Hey it’s okay. It’s scary to meet your boyfriend’s mom.” – Jules to Kirsten
Cougar Town, “Let Yourself Go”: slap out of it
“Wine up, everybody!” – Jules
Cougar Town, “Finding Out”: ultimate penny can
“Jules, in a relationship sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do. It’s part of being a couple.” – Grayson
Cougar Town, “Feel A Whole Lot Better”: that’s what he said
“Friends with benefits… the old F.W.B.” – Jules
Cougar Town, “Down South”: nice guys finish last
“I’m only an okay storm. I’m not a perfect storm!” – Ellie
Cougar Town, “Counting On You”: churro holes and snuggies
“You should probably tweet about your problems.” – Laurie
Cougar Town, “Breakdown”: weird thing to pound out
“You suck at musical beers.” – Jules
Cougar Town, “All Mixed Up”: the blue lagoonies
“I thought that our Grayson-ship was going great.” – Jules
Cougar Town, “Ain’t Love Strange”: and so it is
“Yes, it’s still called Cougar Town. We’re upset, too.” – Opening credits title card
Cougar Town, “A One Story Town”: operation kiss-the-girl
“No, it’s not Scrubs in Florida with lots of wine.” – Opening credits title card
Cougar Town, “A Mind with a Heart of Its Own”: people pleasing
“Titles we liked better than Cougar Town: Sunshine State, The Drinking Age, Cougar City, Mid-Life.” – Opening credits title card
Jersey Shore re-watch! “Fade To Black” (S0104): beating up the beat
“We’re gonna have sex. That’s the situation.” – The Situation
Workaholics, “Karl’s Wedding”: creepin’ on the come-up
“Those are some real classy dogs up top. They’re barking at me.” – Adam
Workaholics, “Stop! Pajama Time”: when the cat’s away, the mice will get baked
“I’m wearing a top gun hat. If I get fired in it, I’ll look like such a dumbass.” – Adam
Workaholics, “Heist School”: rock ‘n roll heist school
“That was so ‘Tommy’ of me.” – Adam
Community, “The Art of Discourse”: way to be go getters
“Pantsing someone was on my list.” – Abed
Jersey Shore re-watch! “Good Riddance” (S0103): like a trash bag
“Yo, seriously, it’s like she’s on a whole other level with pickles.” – Jwoww
Community, “Remedial Chaos Theory”: Troy and Abed’s new apartment
There’s no such thing as Single-Malt Platinum Boobs and Billiards Club? Oh… I guess I never said it out loud. – Jeff
Community, “Studies in Modern Movement”: enter the Dreamatorium
“This is our apartment, too, and just because we’re… awesome… doesn’t mean we’re not adults!” – Troy
Jersey Shore re-watch! “The Tanned Triangle” (S0102): Ron-Ron Juice
“I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” – Mike The Situation
Community, “Physical Education”: from geek to chic
“I choose shorts!” – Jeff
Community, “Regional Holiday Music”: save Christmas, #SaveCommunity
“We have to save Christmas to save our friends.” – Troy and Abed
Jersey Shore re-watch! “A New Family” (S0101): party’s here
“My only rule: never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.” – Ronnie
Community, “Origins of Vampire Mythology”: let me be your best friend
I need your help reacting to something. – Abed
Community, “Pascal’s Triangle Revisited”: dancing days are here again
“Finally, a last day of school plot twist.” – Abed
Community, “Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps”: who’s crazy now?
“Devil here! Just popping by with a little damnation orientation.” – Devil-Dean Pelton
Community, “Geography of Global Conflict”: Annie vs. Annie Kim
“Maybe at the Peace Summit we can discuss the possibility of opening a portal to Earth Two… Earth Two is out there! Can’t ignore it forever.” – Abed
Community, “Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism”: the night approacheth
“The night beckons.” – Batman-Abed
Community, “Documentary Filmmaking: Redux”: the story about a story
“Some flies are too awesome for the wall.” – Abed
Community, “Curriculum Unavailable”: renewed perspective
“Talk to me about Crazy Town Banana-Pants.” – Dr. Heidi
Community, “Course Listing Unavailable”: the Greendale Seven
He also left me his ashes. He asked me to burn them. I don’t think he knows how ashes work.” – Abed
Community, “Cooperative Calligraphy”: case of the missing pen
“I still think that man will evolve into woman, not a three-headed dragon.” – Britta
Community, “Contemporary American Poultry”: streets ahead
“Abed, the mafia movie is over.” – Jeff
Community, “Contemporary Impressionists”: post-break breakdown
“Hot. Hot hot hot. – Evil Abed
Community, “Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design”: fake guns, blanket forts, and Dean Danger
“If you conspire with every person who approaches you, you’re not even really conspiring with anyone, you’re just doing random crap.” – Annie
Community, “Competitive Ecology”: odd Todd out
“The way she left, I could tell that somebody – or something – had really put the scare on her. But what? Why? Stapler? Was I crazy, or were they somehow connected?” – Chang’s inner monologue
Community, “Blankets and Pillows”: a dramatic (re)telling
“Part man, part pillow, all carnage.” – Narrator
Community, “Beginner Pottery”: SS Nose Candy
“This class is like a redhead who drinks scotch and watches Die Hard.” – Jeff
Community, “Biology 101”: magical tables and musical chairs
“You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. You’re the opposite of Batman.” – Troy to Britta
Community, “Basic Genealogy”: Amber alert
“Guys, I’ll be back. But with booty.” – Jeff
Community, “Basic Lupine Urology”: lawless and disorderly
“Boiling water is the icicle-stabbing of yam-killing.” – Jeff
Community, “Anthropology 101”: for every Barbie with a Cosmo subscription
“Abed, why are you mining my life for classic sitcom scenarios?” – Jeff to Abed
Community, “Advanced Gay”: pocketful of Hawthornes
“I’m gonna eat spaceman-Paninis with black Hitler and there’s nothing you can do about it!” – Troy
Community, “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas”: the true meaning of the holidays
“There’s nothing left to do now but heal and share the experience with as many reputable journals as possible.” – Professor Duncan
30 Rock, “Idiots Are People Three”: midlife crisis averted
“I’m fighting a losing battle.” – Liz Lemon
30 Rock, “When it Rains, It Pours”: Red Light Challenge
“Full disclosure, most of my experience is putting babies in women.” – Dr. Spaceman
30 Rock, “The Fabian Strategy”: battle lines are drawn
“Okay. Season Five. Here we go.” – Liz
30 Rock, “Mrs. Donaghy”: honeymoon from hell
“She is… difficult.” – Dr. Spaceman on dating Squeaky Fromme
30 Rock, “Live Show”: east side
“But we can use ‘It’s Your B-Day, Bitch’ by Snooki’s mom.” – Pete
30 Rock, “Let’s Stay Together”: diversity day
“You get an ‘I Met a Congresswoman’ sticker.” – Regina Goodman
30 Rock, “Future Husband”: weakness tissues
“I’m either very happy right now, or having a pretty bad Donkey Spell.” – Kenneth
30 Rock, “Gentleman’s Intermission”: the Buck stops here
“I’m looking for D.I.C.K., Avery.” – Jack
30 Rock, “Khonani”: the tonight shift
“Have I not told you about my grandmother fetish?” – Jack Donaghy
30 Rock, “Klaus and Greta”: albino monks
James Franco in love with Japanese body pillows = funny.
30 Rock, “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter”: prison weed
“Even you can’t pull this off, Jack. Mrs. Doubtfire shimself could not do this.” – Liz to Jack
The Office, “WUPHF.com”: the next sensation
“If I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob, I can pretty much sell anything.” – Jim
The Office, “Viewing Party”: gleeking out
“There’s this thing on Glee called mash-up where two things that don’t go together make one great song. Take Gabe. Take Michael. You make Gay Mike. Best friends.” – Erin
The Office, “Threat Level Midnight”: Scarn, Michael Scarn
“It’s gonna take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael Scarn.” – Michael Scott
The Office, “Training Day”: end of an era
“Deangelo is great. I love the guy. But I’m not sure he’s a great fit for the office. And I’m not sure I love the guy.” – Michael Scott
The Office, “Ultimatum”: New Year’s resolutions
“I’m really excited for Michael either way, because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he’ll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life.” – Erin
The Office, “The Sting”: rival salesmen
“People can’t keep their true natures hidden for long and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.” – Dwight
The Office, “The Search”: finding a way back
“Her personality is like a three. Her sense of humor is a two. Her ears are like a seven, and a four. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she’s a perfect forty.” – Erin, about Holly
The Office, “Sex Ed”: pros and cons of sex
“I have a disease, of which there is no known cure. It has been sexually transmitted to me. I can’t even say it. H-I-R-P-E-E-S.” – Michael Scott
The Office, “Michael’s Last Dundies”: passing the torch
“Anything can happen at the Dundies. They’re like the Golden Globes only less mean.” – Michael
The Office, “Goodbye Michael”: a fond farewell
“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael
The Office, “Garage Sale”: your wife becoming me will I
“I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. I shoulda burned this place down when I had a chance.” – Michael
The Office, “Costume Contest”: miniature ponies
“I just made Kevin cry and Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That’s not Halloween. Halloween should be a day where we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.” –Michael
The Office, “Classy Christmas”: Holly’s return
“In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all… it’s fear. Merry Christmas.” – Dwight
The Office, “Christening”: this is happening
“Why you always gotta be so mean to me?“ – Toby to God
The Office, “Andy’s Play”: amateur hour
“Women can not resist a man singing show tunes. It’s so powerful even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes.” – Andy Bernard
The Office, “Whistleblower”: woof
Time for The Office to sail into the 5pm sunset while the getting is still pretty good?
The Office, “St. Patrick’s Day”: boot and rally
The Office needs more Darryl. How often can we say that?
The Office, “Secretary’s Day”: cookie monster
“Is that the show where all the puppets live in the barrio?” – Dwight
The Office, “Happy Hour”: date Mike
“You can be gay with Matt, but be straight with me.” – Darryl to Oscar
Futurama, “Yo Leela Leela”: Minimum Security Orphanarium
“Non-creative? Hah! I’ll have you know I bedazzle my own underpants!”
Futurama, “The Tip of the Zoidberg”: what friends are for
“I’ll be damned; it did make him a double-yeti!” – Zoidberg
Futurama, “The Silence of the Clamps”: Zoidberg goes Super Saiyan
“My name’s not Slick, it’s Zoidberg. John f—ing Zoidberg!” – Zoidberg
Futurama, “Reincarnation”: Futurama level six – complete!
“Wait! There’s a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump of this log that I found in a hole on the bottom of the sea!” – Professor Farnsworth
Futurama, “Overclockwise”: Bender’s burnin’ brain
“I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it’s not safe here.“ – Bender
Futurama, “Mobius Dick”: space whale of a space tale
“Something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair! Just so it could turn white!” – Professor Farnsworth, about Dr. Zoidberg
SNL 1975: Saturday Night Live movie cast locks in
A relatively unknown cast is set to play Saturday Night Live’s original cast in a movie that takes place the night of the iconic show’s premiere.
Futurama, “Ghost in the Machines”: Bender dies, but the show lives on
“Dead? I thought I had anti-gravity and laryngitis.” – Bender
Futurama, “Law and Oracle”: and spoof goes the dynamite
“After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.” – Fry
Dave Burd/Lil Dicky puts Dave season 4 on an extended break
Dave the TV show is on “hiatus” or “extended break.”
Futurama, “Fry am the Egg Man”: vegetarian vampire?
“But we can’t kill someone just because he’s hideous and annoying!” – Fry
Futurama, “Decision 3012”: Nixon always wins
“I don’t even know who this guy is!” – Bender
Futurama, “All the Presidents’ Heads”: Futurama goes colonial
“Lick that head! Lick that head!” – Planet Express Crew
Futurama, “Cold Warriors”: cold warriors, warm hearts
“It could kill millions, or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life! Anything is possible in science. – Professor Farnsworth
The Office, “Fun Run”: LAp BANDING
The best thing since sliced bread, or in this case, the best thing since paper.
South Park, “Pip”: great expectations
“Pip, could you spare some change for a poor person, sir?” – Cartman
Friends, “The One Where No One’s Ready”: it’s always something with you guys
“Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?” – Joey
Parks and Recreation, “Time Capsule”: breaking pawn(ee)
“Pawnee: The Akron of Southwest, Indiana.” – Leslie
Parks and Recreations, “94 Meetings”: for realskies
“To me, this situation is a blood soaked nightmarish hellscape. To Leslie Knope…” – Ron Swanson
Parks and Recreation, “Woman of the Year”: well, it’s about time
“Winning is every girl’s dream. But it’s my destiny. And my dream.” – Leslie