It’s like the world’s longest birth control PSA.
In this edition of Supernatural, Dean knocks up an Amazonian warrior because we haven’t seen Jensen Ackles take his shirt off in almost three seasons (perhaps?).
The resultant spawn reaches her teens in a mere three days and, as a rite of passage, must ritualistically murder Daddy Dean by chopping off his appendages and carving a symbol of the goddess Harmonia into his chest.
Clearly, the episode title, “The Slice Girls,” is meant to evoke some idea of perky teenage girls with knife fetishes, but really, it just makes me think of orange soda pop. When you consider that the previous titles considered for this episode were Amazon.com and Knocked Up</a>, one can’t help but wonder if maybe the writers should have stopped when they realized that there is no title for this episode that won’t be terrible.
Remember when Supernatural titled its episodes after awesome rock songs like Dark Side of the Moon and Houses of the Holy? Or when the titles were nods toward classic films like The Usual Suspects and The Magnificent Seven? Or even when they were just simple and elegant, the likes of Home and Faith, evocative of an episode’s underlying theme.
This problem has been building for the last two seasons, with the likes of such nosebleed inducing fare as Mannequin 3: The Reckoning, and “Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!” which still sends me into a spiral of hate-rage whenever I see it. Interestingly enough, the episodes with the worst titles, seem to also be the episodes with the worst plots. I guess it’s only fitting that ugly pictures get ugly frames.
Now, to be fair, in the master list of god awful Supernatural episodes, “The Slice Girls” will probably land near the bottom because title aside, it’s not horrible so much as it’s just boring. The overarching plot for the season isn’t advanced at all, the Leviathan fleetingly mentioned, mostly just to remind us of why Dean is so eagerly chugging his way toward liver failure. There was never any question that Dean’s supernatural offspring would be a corpse by the end of the episode and the big question as to who would pull the trigger was irrelevant because either way, Dean was going to angst over it.
The high point of the episode for me was actually another possible ghost Bobby sighting when a pile of Bobby’s papers inexplicably moves to reveal a helpful bit of Amazonian lore. Of course, the juxtaposition of a ritualistic murder over Dean’s one night stand, set to AC/DC’s “Shook me All Night Long” is worth an honorable mention.
Some stats and info about Supernatural, “The Slice Girls”
TV SHOW – Supernatural
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 7, Episode 13
AIRED ON – February 3rd, 2012
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – CW/Netflix
GENRE – Drama, Teen Dramas, Horror, Fantasy
CREATED BY – Eric Kripke
CAST – Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Mark Sheppard, Jim Beaver, Alexander Calvert, Mark Pellegrino, Samantha Smith, Ruth Connell
This review originally appeared on TV Geek Army.