“My body is 60% water and 40% spite.” – Col. Patrick Quinn
Going Dutch is the perfect example of how you can assemble a cast of highly talented comedic actors (Denis Leary from Rescue Me and tons of other things,Danny Pudi from Community, and Taylor Misiak from Dave) who have starred in successful TV shows in the past, and put them into a potentially humorous premise which ends up being a flat and uninteresting slog (though thankfully it’s only 23 minutes or so).
Which is to say, it always comes back to writing, writing, and more writing.
To be fair (I guess?), there may be people (or a person?) out there who found the Going Dutch pilot episode to be hilariously funny. I am certainly not that person.
In fact, I didn’t crack a smile during the entirety of the episode.
The potentially comedic premise: Col. Patrick Quinn (Leary) is shipped off to what we’re told is a backwater military base in the Netherlands (USAG Stoopsdorf, the “least important U.S. army base in the world”) for reasons that don’t seem all that relevant or interesting, with XO Major Abraham Shah (Pudi) in tow. Quinn’s daughter, Maggie (Misiak) happens to be stationed there, and… that’s it, really. Comedy is supposed to ensue but doesn’t.
Much of the jokes are driven by the fact that the only things to do around the army base are “cheese, laundry, and bowling.” Nowhere is it mentioned that one could likely hop on the plentiful clean and cheap public transport options in the area and head to the likes of Amsterdam or other fantastic Low Country destinations, but let’s leave that aside for now.
Anyway, Col. Quinn says of a bowling sign in the military base: “it’s like one of those Starbucks that’s inside of a supermarket.” Arguably, that’s one of the funniest moments in the episode.
During a military training sequence, I found myself thinking about how brilliant similar set-ups are handled in comedy classics like Stripes and Spies Like Us, and how poorly and flat the jokes land in this comedy pilot.
With the character of Col. Quinn, I also found myself wondering if maybe Denis Leary is miscast as someone in such an authoritative role – perhaps he serves best as a snarky, scrappy everyman, I thought – but I came back to just thinking that the writing in this episode is simply not good.
I will say this: there is a more dramatic scene between Patrick and Maggie Quinn at the end of the episode that is probably the best thing about it. Leary and Misiak have both proven that they are spectacular when spanning the line between comedy and drama, and I really found myself wanting to see Going Dutch completely reworked as a much more grounded dramedy about a father and daughter both serving in the military.
Ultimately, Going Dutch feels like a show that’s built to support jokes that absolutely don’t work. Therefore, I didn’t care about the characters or plot, and actively disliked the comedic scenarios trotted about.
It’s a huge shame because Denis Leary, Danny Pudi, and Taylor Misiak are super talented and deserve to be in a better project.