“What a mess. Pretty little locks.” – Special Forces guy to Tom Sandoval
I watched a good chunk of the first season of Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test and enjoyed it well enough but have zero memory of it outside of how hardcore the setup, training exercises, and environment is or even who was in it.
I checked out the second season premiere, “Far From Home,” mostly based on the cast and the insanely cold conditions – located on the South Island of New Zealand this time around – and was quite glad I did.
And yeah, okay, I was super curious to watch a post-#Scandoval Tom Sandoval of Vanderpump Rules infamy in action as well.
“The cold will kill you in minutes,” and “They’re about to learn what it takes to be special forces operators in the extreme cold,” we’re told before being introduced to the 14 new contestants crazy and brave enough to be put to the World’s Toughest Test, special forces-style.
Angelea White AKA Blac Chyna, 35 – influence & entrepreneur
“I’m here because I want to open up a different chapter in my life,” she says.
Dez Bryant, 34 – NFL Pro Bowler, two years out of the game
“I have an ego. I have a huge ego.”
Tara Reid, 47 – actress
“People always think of me as the girl from American Pie… but I’m more than that,” sshe says. We see a lot of Reid during the episode. She gets ridiculed early on by the “staff” with stuff like “Wake up, Dozy Dora,” and “I’m not your f—ing babysitter.” Late in the episode, there’s a pretty emotional scene where I was pretty sure she was going to bail out but in the end she for the moment decided to hang in.
Brian Austin Green, 49 – actor
Old Silverado of Beverly Hills, 90210 fame! “I’m curious to see what I’m capable of doing at this point in my life,” he tells us. We also learn that he’s a bit of a pot stirrer with his fellow “recruits” during the episode.
Jojo Siwa, 20 – recording artist and entrepreneur
Turns out she was on Dance Moms, a reality show I never watched. “I’ve been wrapped in bubble wrap my whole life. I’m excited to not be babied,” she says.
Tom Sandoval, 40 – reality TV star
Oh boy, is he. If you’re a fan of Vanderpump Rules, then you know. “These past few months have been the darkest months of my entire life. Sandoval has become #SCANDOVAL. Yeah, the whole country’s pissed off at me,” our guy says. “I’m here because I wanna get punished,” he adds.
Other fresh recruits include:
- Savannah Chrisley, 25 – reality TV star (from Chrisley Knows Best… apparently)
- Jack Osbourne, 37 – TV personality (of The Osbournes fame)
- Kelly Rizzo, 44 – lifestyle TV Host
- Erin Jackson, 30 – Olympic speed skating champion
- Bode Miller, 45 – Olympic alpine skiing champion
- Robert Horry, 54 – former NBA star
- Tyler Cameron, 30, TV personality
- Nick Viall, 42 – former Bachelor
The “staff,” as they’re referred to, include:
- Rudy Reyes – chief Instructor, former recon marine
- Jovon Quarles – also known as Q, navy seal
- Jason Fox, special boat service
- Billy Billingham – “fighting for the Queen for 30 years” including SAS
On the way to the training in a van, explosions go off outside, after which the celebrity contestants are pulled outside and forced to wear hoods. They are then placed in a line and marched for a while.
The special forces team then hands out a number to each celebrity, which they will then be known by during their training.
The first test is called the trainasium, which is a genuinely terrifying platform “suspended 340 feet above the freezing river below.” Quarles traverses the trainasium on “two thin metal poles” as example for the recruits.
Highlights of the trainasium test include:
- Tara Reid goes first. “Stop waving your arms, you’re not a flag,” she’s told… and falls immediately. “That is an awesome display of patheticness,” she’s told. Soon after, she goes for her hidden stash of cigarettes, and immediately is caught and has them confiscated.
- Nine total recruits fail, and to be fair it looks absolutely terrifying and insanely difficult.
- Jojo Siwa actually screws around and climbs higher than the trainasium before her turn for reasons that remain unclear. “Showing off?” a staff tells her. Then, when she ultimately falls, she gets a, “That’s what showing off gets you.”
- What’s impressive – especially for the non-athletes – is that five of the 14 make it across: Savannah Chrisley, Bode Miller, Tyler Cameron, Tom Sandoval, and Dez Bryant.
We learn that the ways to leave the show and training course are to take off one’s armband and hand it to the instructors. “I want to VW, staff,” is the paswsword to get booted, meaning voluntarily withdraw. Second way to go? “You leave in a wooden box.” Nice.
Everyone has to carry a “30 pound rook” with supplies at all times, which will surely be a larger burden for some of the smallest participants – especially the non-athletes – such as Tara Reid.
There’s a great moment in the spartan barracks where we see Tom Sandoval methodically applying lip balm with a vacant, staring off into space look on his face. You can imagine him thinking, “I had it all back at TomTom and Schwartz & Sandy’s and S.U.R., what have I done with my life…”
It’s also fun to watch the instructors “evaluate” the celebrities’ performance in private. “Coordination is not really in her vocabulary,” one says of Tara Reid. Meanwhile, Jojo is pegged as a “smoker and joker.”
When “recruits” are brought in to talk with the instructors apart from the others, they do this weird thing where they force them to put a black hood on for the short walk to the office where the instructors are. The conceit is that it’s an “interrogation,” I suppose, but it does end up looking a bit goofy.
It’s also slightly goofy when the instructors quietly gather insight from the celebrities about why they’re there. I get that it’s ultimately meant as a motivational chat – with a side of prompting emotional content from the celebs for reality TV – but it’s a jarring and wacky turnabout from how hardnosed the instructors are with the recruits at all other times.
Just when the recruits think they’re done for the night… they get called onto the parade square for a “night task”:
- They are then told to run and pick up a large rock from a big pile. They are then told to hold the rocks above their heads for “30 seconds of pain.” The instructors are interested in who took large versus small rocks, even though it wasn’t explained what the recruits were to use them for.
- They then have to take the rocks on “a series of grueling circuits.” After it’s over, people are retching – including former NFLer Dez Bryant – and Tara Reid looks catatonic.
Reid is then brought to staff for “tactical questioning.” She gets emotional and talks about how everyone says she looks old now and how she “can’t play American Pie now,” that she has a desire to have a thicker skin. Staff tells her that she still has an opportunity and that “you don’t even know your limits yet.”
The episode ends on this note: “All 14 recruits have survived Day One.”
Some stats and info about Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test
TV SHOW – Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 2, Episode 1
AIRED ON – September 25th, 2023
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – FOX/TubiTV
GENRE – Reality TV, Competition Show
CAST – Mark Billingham, Jason Fox, Rudy Reyes, Shaun Dooley, Jovon Quarles, Savannah Chrisley, Jack Osbourne, Tom Sandoval, Tara Reid, Robert Horry, Brian Austin Greene, Jojo Siwa, Angela White, Dez Bryant, Bode Miller, Erin Jackson, Kelly Rizzo, Tyler Cameron, Nick Viall