Two businessmen try to find the women who will make their babies.
Patti’s loaded bachelors this week are both looking to grow up and start families, but Stanger can smell insincerity a mile away – and she’s got the scent in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Brian is 42 and owns a website that sells baseball cards of attractive girls in barely there sports clothing. He’s dated plenty of his 700 plus models, but he thinks it’s time to settle down. However, he doesn’t think most women will be able to deal with his frequent mingling with the beautiful ladies. Patti thinks it’s less that and more about Brian having no game. It’s been a decade since he’s been on a traditional date so she presses him to wine and dine the woman of his choosing from the dinner party she plans to set up for him.
David is 30 and is a motorcycle parts tycoon living in Vancouver. He’s good looking, but in that smarmy way that lets you know he knows that he’s hot. He even says, “I’m close to being flawless.” He immediately gets Patti’s haunches up by saying women are made to just be mothers and housewives. With flames in her eyes, Patti confronts David with his sexist garbage and sets up a meeting with her married friend who works and raises kids too.
Guess who the friend is?
Tori Spelling. Wait, Tori Spelling?
Looking like a platinum blonde Martha Stewart (albeit with 20 coats of foundation makeup), Spelling welcomes the two into her kitchen, where she feeds them and blithely tells them how she wrote three bestselling books, and starred in a reality show while raising her babies without breaking a sweat.
David is blown away by how easy it all looks. Does anyone mention the nannies and help Spelling has in achieving her supermom crown? No, they don’t so the housewife fantasy in David’s head just gets replaced with this new “feminist” fantasy that Patti and Tori are happy to weave like it’s the gospel of truth.
At the intimate dinner party, Patti gives David three Mila Kunis-type women to choose from. Annaliese is a former blonde that colored her hair dark just for David. She’s sassy and gorgeous, but David’s eye goes to Stephanie who appeals to the brain in his pants.
Meanwhile, Brian is nearly flop sweating on his three ladies as the conversation at the table goes nowhere. He’s taken aside by Destin and verbally smacked around returning with a little more grace. He picks a smart cookie named Debrah and the dates are on.
Brian listens to Patti and brings flowers, opens doors, slides out chairs, and opens up a bit with Debrah. Coincidence of coincidence at the restaurant, a gaggle of his models just happen to be there too and they attack him with a hugging jag that is quite the eye full. Debrah seems unfazed and that makes Brian even more delighted. They have a nice night, plan to go figure skating and it’s all very chaste and sweet.
But up in the Great White North, David flies Stephanie up to his favorite spa resort and he’s got a plan to get her out of her clothes almost immediately. He has her down to her bikini for a Cold Sauna session where they walk in a room that’s negative 110 degrees for three minutes to incite their endorphins. I love Stephanie for trying it, but even more for walking out saying, “I thought I was going to die! I hate everybody here!” David then had her cuddle up with him under a towel and he felt her like the player he is. Then he gets her in the Jacuzzi where he relieves her of her bikini top and makes out with her. I think David had a very clear agenda for little Miss Stephanie. He at least feeds her before they put up the Do Not Disturb sign on his hotel room door.
Back at MM central, Patti is proud of Brian for following her guidance and for his successful date. They go out again, so it might be a love match down the line. But on the other hand, Patti knows David and Steph did the horizontal mambo and yells at both of them for club breaking rules. She says they blew it and Rachel clarifies that Stephanie most likely blew it. Ouch but the truth hurts because David never called her back.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Chauvinist and the Playboy”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 5, Episode 2
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Brian Wallos, David Mezheritsky
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.