“Like the penis raises, and they go ‘yes’! The penis goes down, and they go, ‘no.’” – Patti
Tag: The Millionaire Matchmaker
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Lonnie/Patrick”: no sex rules
“This sounds like a Russian mail order thing.” – Lonnie
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: the flagpole rises
“He’s not really rocking. He’s a software guy.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: okey dokey smokey
“I’m looking for a girl that has the compliments and the beauty of Maxim meets FHM, with a Harvard degree, who’s sweet as sugar, who got off the farm, and wouldn’t expect a thing.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Plastic Surgeon & The Pole Dancer”: God complex
“She’s a stripper teacher. Let’s call it what it is.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Mama’s Boy Meets Southern Gentlemen”: paragliding for love
“Anybody have sex on a boat? Anybody get pregnant on a boat?” – William Stern
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Hello Kitty in a One Horse Town”: smellology in the dating arena
“No offense, she’s a large sized woman.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cookies and Ice, and Everything Nice”: squishy gishy
“It’s not like, hey world, see my tits!” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: plowing ’till the corn comes up
“I know you are because your tits are telling me.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “House of Cards”: the bimbo comment
“Snip, snip, snip. Off go the balls.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Brooklyn vs. Botox”: sake bombs
“I’m looking for a girl with junk in the trunk, Kim Kardashian-style.” – Jason
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Reunion Part 1”: bad pennies come home to roost
The ghosts of Patti’s past come back to haunt her on the Season 5 Millionaire Matchmaker reunion special.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jersey in the House”: spin, spin, spin
“No offense, if she’s a Pilates instructor, did she eat the entire class?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Welcome to the Big Apple”: douchebag city
“The Gruber chastity belt, it’s made of like a titanium alloy.” – Bryce Gruber
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Justin & Kevin”: a divorce waiting to happen
“This is textbook Harvard School of Psychology chauvinism.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Ayinde & Will”: eight with a brain
“Does the term a-hole mean anything to you?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: superficial uber-narcissism
“Looks fade, and dumb is forever.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Trevor & Tricia”: switch hitting
“If anyone can figure out if Tricia’s bi-sexual, it’s Tyler.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jimmy D & Mateo”: off-brand Scarface
“Oy vey.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jason & David”: perfectly rehab
“They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.” – Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Smike & Rupert”: let’s get metaphysical
“How LA cliché can you get?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Shauna & Michael”: cougar crazy
“The Botox b—- is back.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: riding that ride
“How much can you brag, Mr. Emmy?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Omar & Nick”: hauling junk
“I’m a professional, you need to trust me, okay? Otherwise, you’re gonna point your pecker in the wrong direction.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Divorced From Reality”: from creepy to freaky
“If I had to choose one body part, whether it’s boobs or butt, definitely a butt man.”- Doug Kepanis
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Opposites Don’t Attract”: married to the mob
“This is like one of the first tees I came out with: ‘Boys Ain’t S— But Hoes and Tricks.’ I obviously have some issues with guys.” – Leah
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dateapause”: what’s a girl to do?
“Don’t tell me you have that whiny obnoxious New York Jewish type that just doesn’t listen to me, ’cause I just can’t handle that right now.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cinderella and Moondoggie Walk into a Bar…”: looking shabby shabby
“Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Player and the Piano Player”: gals grilling
Can Patti turn two different players into lovers?
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Patti Meets Her Mate”: nosedive into snoozeville
“You are gay to the gay gay gay.” – Rachel
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Boys Are Back in Town”: hot boys unite
Patti does her first all-gay mixer with some stellar results.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Sweet Yigit and Johnny Limousine”: Pura-fied Nutella
“If there’s a chakra that’s closed down, then I’m happy to open it.” – Johnny Simon
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “There’s No Place Like Home”: hello sunshine and fake boobs
Patti Stanger is back in LA, ready to match together hearts and checkbooks.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Prince and I”: old money and new money
A literal prince and a nerd seek love from Patti and her team.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Young and the Loveless”: Jersey gents, Brentwood b…
“There are people that fake it till they make it? I don’t really have to fake it, ’cause I’ve already made it. But I could make it even more.” – Skylar Hausewirth
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Chauvinist and the Playboy”: she blew it
Two businessmen try to find the women who will make their babies.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Brothers Cruz”: we’re going to pump you up
A pair of brothers try Patti’s patience.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Patti Meets Her Match”: mama’s in the hot seat
Patti decides to give her club a try in the quest to find her own one true love.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Mr. Las Vegas and Mr. Personality”: do I sense a double flop?
Patti tried to work her magic with two guys that need some help.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Hillel and Dylan”: have you seen the muffin man?
“He looks like a muffin.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Helping the Self-Helpers”: these guys need some work
Two middle-aged self-help gurus need Patti’s help stat.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Greg and Zagros”: if you teach her how to ski…
Skip the lifeboats, everybody drown yourselves on the sound of the whistle!
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Fred-Ex Delivers”: the lingerie script
“Am I allowed to get a BJ on like the date?” – Freddie Mitchell
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “A Tale of Two Nice Guys”: nice and not-so-nice collide
Patti deals with a repeat offender and a guy who needs his mojo back.