“He’s not really rocking. He’s a software guy.” – Patti

“She’s a stripper teacher. Let’s call it what it is.” – Patti

“Anybody have sex on a boat? Anybody get pregnant on a boat?” – William Stern

“No offense, she’s a large sized woman.” – Patti

“It’s not like, hey world, see my tits!” – Patti

“I know you are because your tits are telling me.” – Patti

“Snip, snip, snip. Off go the balls.” – Patti

“I’m looking for a girl with junk in the trunk, Kim Kardashian-style.” – Jason

“No offense, if she’s a Pilates instructor, did she eat the entire class?” – Patti

“The Gruber chastity belt, it’s made of like a titanium alloy.” – Bryce Gruber

“Looks fade, and dumb is forever.” – Patti

“They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.” – Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”

“How much can you brag, Mr. Emmy?” – Patti

“Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy

Can Patti turn two different players into lovers?

“You are gay to the gay gay gay.” – Rachel

Patti does her first all-gay mixer with some stellar results.

“If there’s a chakra that’s closed down, then I’m happy to open it.” – Johnny Simon

Patti Stanger is back in LA, ready to match together hearts and checkbooks.

A literal prince and a nerd seek love from Patti and her team.

Two businessmen try to find the women who will make their babies.

A pair of brothers try Patti’s patience.

Patti decides to give her club a try in the quest to find her own one true love.

Two middle-aged self-help gurus need Patti’s help stat.

“Am I allowed to get a BJ on like the date?” – Freddie Mitchell

Patti deals with a repeat offender and a guy who needs his mojo back.