“I lost my wife…but it was nothing like losing my Wolfie.” – Peter
Let me start by saying that I Cloned My Pet is nothing like I expected it to be. Given that the show airs on TLC, which of course stands for The Learning Channel, I assumed the show would be an exploration of the breakthrough scientific process of cloning animals and a look into the ethical/moral dilemmas inherent in cloning. While the show certainly touches upon the scientific stuff, science and morality are by no means the focus of the show.
Instead, I Cloned My Pet places its focus on the pet owners who spend upwards of $50,000 to have their beloved, dead pooches cloned. And for good reason, too. These people are absolutely nuts. Thus, I Cloned My Pet has joined a long line of recent shows (Hoarders, I Didn’t I Was Pregnant, Intervention, etc.) to exploit a unique/strange mental illness. I know some people will want to argue with me and make the point that loving your deceased pet isn’t a mental illness. These people probably have not seen I Cloned My Pet. The dog lovers on this show are completely and totally whacked.
The first pet owner the show profiles is Danielle from Staten Island, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Jillian Michaels. Of the two people featured in this premiere episode, she appears to be the sanest. That said, she still does some crazy-ass shit. For example: She has a three-year-old piece of chicken in her freezer, which she planned to feed to her dog Trouble on the day that he died. She has the remnants of his last bowl of water saved in her refrigerator, as well as 10 foot by 10 foot mural of Trouble painted on her living room wall. Someone has been taking their interior design cues from Gilbert Arenas!
The second dog lover on I Cloned My Pet is Peter… and honestly, I don’t know where to begin with this guy. First of all, he’s a nerdy Asian guy who claims to have been a member of a Los Angeles street gang. He credits his dog Wolfie with helping escape the thug life. Secondly, he has a pretty sexy girlfriend, and yet all outward appearances would indicate that he’s a flaming homosexual. Third, and most importantly, he’s probably the creepiest dude I’ve seen on TV in a long, long time.
Case in point: Peter has a picture frame full of Wolfie’s hair — harvested from the poor dog’s corpse — on his coffee table. He has a shrine to Wolfie in his backyard full of canine-themed stuffed animals. Peter goes on dates to restaurants by himself and sets a picture of Wolfie on the table across from him.
Here are some choice quotes from Peter:
* “[When I lost Wolfie] I felt like all the specialness left me.”
* “”I lost my wife…but it was nothing like losing my Wolfie.”
* And: “I still remember how she feels in my arms. I know every inch of her body.” GRRROOOOSSSSSSS!!!!
The episode ends with both Danielle and Peter successfully obtaining their new cloned pets. Danielle has hers delivered to Staten Island, while Peter and his hot girlfriend travel to Korea to oversee the clone-birth.
I’m not sure I’m ever going to watch I Cloned My Pet again, but I would highly recommend it, especially if you are into cringe-laughing at other peoples’ expense.
This review originally appeared on TV Geek Army.