“It was not my finest hour.” – Chrissy
As a general rule, I try to avoid making sweeping generalizations about groups of people. But I’ve recently come to a realization, and I feel the urge to share it with all of you, dear readers. Here it goes: Black women are way better at being reality television stars than white women. Like, way better, it’s not even close. Sorry, white chicks. I just calls ’em like I sees ’em.
It seems someone over at VH1 — at one time in the not too distant past, the lilliest of lily white cable networks — has come to the same conclusion. The channel scored with Basketball Wives, a show that follows the lives of professional athletes’ significant others, so it makes sense that it would try to parlay that success into a show — Love and Hip Hop — with a similar concept. In my review of Basketball Wives (which I thoroughly enjoyed), I said, “It’s just too damn entertaining. Sure, it’s obnoxious. Sure, it’s trashy. Sure, it probably portrays African American women in a not-particularly-positive-manner. But, boy is it fun!” I’m going to double down on that sentiment for Love and Hip Hop, which documents the trials and tribulations of a group of women with various degrees of romantic attachment to rap artists.
Love and Hip Hop aired its first season last spring, but somehow it flew completely under my radar. Last night’s Season Two premiere, “Still Look Pretty,” was the first episode I’ve seen, and, man, did I ever pick a great time to jump into the show. For those of you who are also new to Love and Hip Hop, here’s a breakdown of the cast:
Chrissy
Girlfriend of rapper and marijuana enthusiast Jim Jones. Chrissy seems to assume the role of “den mother” with the other women. She appears to be relatively emotionally stable (emphasis on “relatively”), but you certainly don’t want to get on her bad side. Boy, oh boy does she have a temper. (More on this later). “Still Look Pretty” begins with Chrissy circumventing traditional gender roles by buying an engagement ring for Jim. Now that’s BALLIN’, well done, Jim. Capo status!
A quick aside: If you’re not familiar with Jim Jones, he is a member of Cam’ron’s Dip-Set crew. In my opinion, his best work is on Cam’ron’s 2002 solo record, “Come Home With Me.” Jones has a particularly memorable verse on the album’s title track. Sample lyric: “Come on home wit’ me / Where grandmothers is thirty / One gram of that butter is thirty.”
Emily
Mother to the rapper Fabolous’ youngest son. She and Fab are going through a break-up, which she celebrates by throwing a girls-only “newly single” party. (More on this later, as well).
Olivia
The only member of the cast to experience a modicum of personal success in the music business. She was featured on several hit 50 Cent songs, like “Candy Shop” and “Best Friend.” She is searching for a new record deal, after being dropped by 50 Cent’s G-Unit label.
Somaya
According to VH1’s website, Somaya was “once recognized as the number one Latin music artist on MySpace.” I don’t see how that could possibly be true, unless “once recognized” means someone saw her on the subway and mistook her for Jennifer Lopez. Her manager, Maurice, is a real-life version of Turtle from Entourage, complete with a shady tequila investment.
Yandy
Jim Jones’ manager. When she isn’t managing rappers’ careers, Yandy is working on her jewelry line. She pronounces the word “jewelry” like “jury”, which, for some reason, cracks me up.
Kimbella
Quite possibly the most awful human being on earth. Oh yeah, and she’s rapper Juelz Santana’s girlfriend.
Nancy Jones
Former (or current?) crack-head and Jim Jones’ mother. Nancy records a rap song titled “Psychotic,” which disses Chrissy. Sample lyric: “Yes, my son is rich / But you’re a selfish bitch / You make me itch.”
Most of the episode, while highly entertaining, is pretty standard reality television fare. The girls go on staged shopping trips, gossip over brunch, get mani-pedis, and so on. The end of “Still Look Pretty” however breaks the reality TV mold and distinguishes Love and Hip Hop from its lesser competitors.
Yandy shows up at Emily’s “break-up with Fabolous party” with Kimbella as her plus-one. Now, it’s important to note that most of the ladies don’t know Kimbella very well, and what they do know about her is not so complimentary. Kimbella decides she is going to ingratiate herself with this new group of friends by making an announcement: Kimbella slept with Fabolous while Emily was pregnant with his child. Emily’s reacts with subdued sadness. She’s not the confrontational type, so she absorbs the painful information and tries to move on with the party. Chrissy, on the other hand, isn’t ready to let Kimbella’s cruel, thoughtless remark go unpunished.
A shouting match ensues and ends with a little pushing and shoving. Chrissy sits down on the couch to compose herself, and the fight appears to be over. But, oh no. It’s only just begun. Chrissy stands up and quietly excuses herself to go freshen up. She walks in Kimbella’s direction, takes one step past her, turns around and absolutely cold-cocks her. The sneak attack catches Kimbella off guard and before she knows what hit her, Chrissy is back for seconds. She takes Kimbella to the ground, landing blow after blow on the way down. Chrissy proceeds to tear Kimbella’s weave out and stomp on her midsection with a high-heeled stiletto. It is by far one of the top ten most gangster-est beatdowns I have ever seen. My favorite part is Chrissy’s nonchalant summary of the attack: “It was not my finest hour.”
And just like that, I’ve found my new favorite show. Step aside Homeland, move over Boardwalk Empire — Love and Hip Hop is now in the building.
Lingering thoughts on “Still Look Pretty”:
- I have an idea for a show that I’m going to pitch to VH1. It is virtually identical to Love and Hip Hop, but instead of featuring wives and girlfriends of various rappers, it will follow the baby-mamas of one rapper in particular: Ol’ Dirty Bastard. The show will be called Wu-Tang Is For The Babies (mamas).
This review originally appeared on TV Geek Army.