“She’s definitely having a Sam moment.” – Sammi
Jersey Shore Season 4 Rankings: where did “Three Men and a Snooki” rank?
Jersey Shore’s “Three Men and a Snooki” is the #8 ranked episode of Jersey Shore’s fourth season. Find more Jersey Shore rankings here.
Here’s why “Three Men and a Snooki” was ranked as the #8 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
CATEGORY – TV
SHOW – Jersey Shore
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – MTV
GENRE – Reality TV, Drama, Comedy, Trashtastic TV
EPISODE – “Three Men and a Snooki”
BEING RANKED FOR – Jersey Shore Season 4
RANK – #8 of Jersey Shore’s fourth season
Jersey Shore, “Three Men and a Snooki” (S0409) review
When you name your episode after the Tom Selleck-Steve Guttenburg-Ted Danson masterpiece Three Men and a Baby, you’re setting a pretty high bar for yourself. I mean, Tom Selleck’s mustache alone is a work of art. So it’s unsurprising that The Jersey Shore missed the mark with another drama-heavy episode. The blow-up between Snooki and Jionni dominated yet again, inching these two ever closer to Ron and Sammi levels of irritation.
It’s the morning after the aforementioned Snooki-Jionni shitstorm, and no one’s really ready to face the day. Snooki’s still restless and mopey, Jenni is tired and pissed, Deena and Ronnie are hungover — you get the idea. Only Pauly, in typical fashion, is his obnoxious self the second he wakes up. Snooki decides she needs to get out, and since JWoww won’t get out of bed, she goes to a bar by herself. She immediately orders a beer, starts dancing, and regales the innocent bystanders at the bar with tales of her misery. Now, I can’t be positive because I never noticed a clock, but I’m pretty sure it’s about 10 am.
She goes back to the house just as Deena, Pauly, and Ronnie are returning from work and Sammi is waking up. She reaches for the phone, because that’s all she does nowadays, and calls her dad. Papa Snooki manages to make out her incoherent ramblings and is livid at Jionni. Though apparently not as livid as Snooki is at JWoww, who stumbles in as Snooki is ending her call. Snooks says how she neede her, asshole, and this somehow prompts JWoww to forgive Snooki and hug her. She takes more shit from Snooki for being a bad friend (you know, a bad friend who runs all over Florence after your fleeing boyfriend) and decides to give Jionni a call herself. Sammi tags in for Snooki duty with a beer and weird back-handed compliments. (Sammi: Your hair looks perfect, your dress is very cute. Who cares if your face is a mess? Snooki: Is it a mess? Sammi: Yeah, you have a little eye make-up over here, but you know what, it’s ’cause you’re crying.)
JWoww miraculously gets an oddly calm Jionni on the phone. He agrees to talk to Snooki, but says he took a train to Rome. The talk doesn’t go well but JWoww strong arms Jionni into a meeting, because this wankster is actually just at the train station and no one says no to JWoww if they value their weaves. Or lives.
The dysfunctional couple reunites with a hug and Jionni picks at Snooki’s teeth (what?) before they have a chat hand-in-hand. They seem to make up, but Jionni insists he has to go because his family changed his train. That blaring sound you just heard was my bulls— detector going off the charts. Snooks offered to pay for his ticket — which I think she can handle, given her multi-millions — but Jionni still has to go for some reason. Is he really so much of an alpha male that he can’t let her pay? Or did the script call for his departure?
Well, whatever it was, it’s a strong enough incentive for Jionni to part with his girlfriend. JWoww insists Snooki go out with them to the club, and she proceeds to “meet” a guy, meaning she slams him against a wall and attack dances up on him. It involves menacing fist pumping… and choking. That poor, poor soul.
Deena then steals the spotlight by revealing to JWoww her concerns that she’s pregnant. Jenni adopts her mom role yet again (at this point, I’m not even sure I’d be concerned over an unexpected JWoww baby — the girl’s basically a parent already) and takes Deena to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test. Thankfully for mankind, Deena does not have a bun in the oven. Also, to be clear: I’m using the second definition of “bun in the oven.” Because, as Mike has taught us, the phrase is most commonly used to express having a sexual partner.
Snooki and Jionni have another fight over the phone when the gang returns, but this time Snooki actually stands up for herself, saying he’s upsetting her and she’s not herself because of it. She wants a break. Snooki continues a string of brilliant ideas by suggesting the housemates turn the living room into Karma through DJ Pauly D’s equipment and their best Jersey outfits. Everyone’s stoked, because it’s not like they don’t do this shit every single night.
Vinny and Pauly’s super guido alter egos briefly return, for some reason, and Mike resumes creeping on Snooki. It starts when drunk Snooki asks Sitch to take off her shoe and he all but licks her foot. It ends with him pressing Snooki against a column, which the girls break up. But Mike is on his “Sitch + Snooki = 4eva” tirade, and makes his pitch again. The other girls shut him down, but when they leave, he tells Snooki that other people (imaginary people?) told him to kick Jionni in the head and he resisted. Snooki presses him for names and Mike predictably throws Ronnie under the bus. She confronts Ronnie, who refuses to get swept up in the latest blatant lie from Mike. Seriously, when did Ronnie get so awesome?
The girls have another pow-wow with Mike, and he brings up the alleged hook-up again. “Are you f—ing kidding me?” Sammi responds, perfectly. (Again, how are Ron and Sammi actually likeable? The only reason I can come up with is black magic.) They yell at Mike some more for being a creep.
Pauly, Vinny, Deena, and Snooki are all ready for bed, only Snooki doesn’t want to sleep alone. First she snuggles with Pauly but when Deena gets mock (read: actually) jealous, she hops in Vinny’s bed instead. Pauly quickly boots Deena out, but Vin and Snooks are getting cozy. She asks him to f— her, so he asks if she’s still with Jionni. She says no, and they smush.
The preview for next week already shows Snooki calling Jionni (and throwing a plate at Mike), so this is definitely looking like a one night stand. Which is a shame because really, at this point, I’d give just about anything for a single Snooki.
More thoughts on “Three Men and a Snooki”:
- “Como se dice, ‘Where is my f—ing boyfriend?'” – Snooki
- Lesson learned from this episode: Solo morning dances at bars are never pretty.
- Another lesson learned: Never let Deena clean your toilet.
- “I’m just a loser. I need to change myself to f—ing get married, I swear.” – Snooki (Snooks: I really don’t think a husband is your biggest concern right now. Bigger concerns: skin cancer, your liver, the PTSD you inflicted on several clubgoers after your semi-nude dancing last episode.)
- “Only we would be worried about eyelashes at this moment.” – JWoww
- “Do I look like Elvira?” – Snooki
- “Get the f— up, you’re going out. This is not a time to mourn.” – JWoww
- “For once, you’re not wrong.” – Sammi
- “If you want to look slutty one night while your boyfriend’s here, you look slutty! You know why, because you want to have sex with him, obvi.” – Snooki, summing up the feminist movement
- “Mike is definitely doing the same thing as he does in Jersey. Just sits in the corner with his glasses on, and looks like the biggest creep ever.” – Ronnie
- Every single girl (and Mike) wears sunglasses to living room Karma. Sammi even takes a photo of herself.
- “I’m just playing it like a cool little cat.” – Mike, describing something he never does
- “Mike says that he’s madly in love with Nicole and wants to treat her like gold. I just want to vomit hearing this.” – JWoww
Jersey Shore, “Three Men and a Snooki” episode and cast info
Air date – September 29, 2011
Paul “Pauly D” DelVecchio – Self
Jenni “JWoww” Farley – Self
Sammi “Sweetheart” – Self
Vinny Guagagino (later known as “Keto Guido”) – Self
Ronnie Margo – Self (as Ronnie Ortiz-Margo)
Angelina Pivarnick – Self
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi – Self
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (later known as “Big Daddy Sitch” – Self