“He looks like a muffin.” – Patti Stanger
When thinking about The Millionaire Matchmaker, I thought, “This show is a definite guilty pleasure of mine.” Then I thought, “What does a guilty pleasure even mean when it comes to TV of the non-Pay Per View sort?” Then I thought, “Why don’t you stop asking yourself questions in your head and write about it, my man.”
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The thing about The Millionaire Matchmaker is that it works at that peak Bravo reality TV machine-level: it’s fast-paced, well edited, has a compellingly watchable/borderline obnoxious center figure (Patti Stanger), and is about interesting subject matter. In this case, it’s finding love for typically ridiculously loud/obnoxious/egomaniac “millionaires” (I’m skeptical in some cases). Flipping Out also falls into this category in terms of Jeff Lewis and his OCD/ADD pursuit of real estate supremacy.
This week, we have Hillel, an over-the-top schlubby muffins magnate from Boca Raton who wants to marry a Sloane (Emmanuelle Chriqui) look-alike from Entourage. Yeah, he said that, and yeah, that’s amazing. Patti retorts while watching those ever-awkward video resume submissions: “He looks like a muffin.
And we have Dylan Smith, a young Internet entrepreneur whose voice sounds a lot like voiceovers you hear on online product demos. Patti exclaims that Dylan is the biggest nerd she’s ever seen, which makes it abundantly clear that Patti hasn’t encountered a lot of nerds in her day.
When watching Hilel in action I thought, “this guy is all schmaltz,” old school style with a small side of cheese. However, he was a lot warmer and real than most of the guys on the show, so it’s hard to hold it too much against him. Meanwhile, Dylan seemed to find a good match – watching the kids do the lawnmower on the dance floor intimated that there could be a wedding dance in their future.
More thought’s on this week’s millionaire matchmaking:
- “You’re Kobe, you’re Kobe!” – Patti to Dylan during hip hop dance class. The entire dance class scene made me want to jump through a plate glass window.
- Just me or was Patti in a particularly snarky/vicious mood in this episode?
- What is up with Patti and her spiky haired sidekick Destin referring to Dylan as “the nerd” in front of his potential dates? Maybe I’m just protective of Dylan as he’s not the typical a-hole on this show, or protective in nerds everywhere (revenge for all, says I), but that’s just not cool.
- Dylan talks about “specific algorithms” in comparing the ladies – I might have to take back some of my nerd defense.
- I’ve been big on pointing out awkward reality TV voiceover cut-ins lately. “Remember, no sex before marriage,” Patti says from the void of the post-production bay.
From Around the Web: The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Hillel and Dylan”
- Reality Wanted: Dylan, on the other hand, is all skin and bones. I think I see some protruding bones, in fact. He’s also a major dweeb, but he’s a lovable dweeb.
- Reality TV Magazine: Hillel whisks Farrah off to San Francisco in his private jet, and has her try some of the muffins from his company, and she doesn’t just take a small bite, she goes to town on those muffins! When they arrive at dinner, they both go to town on the alcohol, with glass after glass of champagne and wine.
- Commenter Erin Fasbender on Hulu: I’m happy at least one girl on this show has some self-esteem. I guess if your looking to date someone because they have money, chances are you could be a bit shallow, but to stand there and let Stangers tell you whats wrong with how you look and break you down. Sad.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Hillel and Dylan”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 3, Episode 11
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Hillel Presser, Dylan Smith
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.