Patti decides to give her club a try in the quest to find her own one true love.
If you’re one of the Patti Stanger critics questioning how the unmarried matchmaker can critique others if she’s not attached to a man, then this is the episode for you.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Fans of Ms. Stanger will know that she was in a seven-year relationship up until a year prior to this season, when she decided that she was more BFF with her partner versus passionate soul mate. They called off their engagement, and since then Patti threw herself into a New York season of her show, her dating book, and overall matchmaking empire.
Now that this season is back in LA and everything is coming up Stanger, the cry of companionship is calling to Patti. She seeks out her celeb psychic (who first predicted the break up) and with her counsel finds that now is the time to open up again to fall in love.
Heeding the advice, Patti heads to the office, where she drops a bombshell on staffers Destin and Rachel that she wants to jump into the fray to act the role of a client and attend her own mixer. The duo’s jaws drop, but they are ready to prove their worth as matchmakers and make their boss happy. Patti requires that her manager Jeff and her best friend Rose are also present for the selection since they know her the best. With that, Stanger is sent away to primp while the all-points bulletin is sent out to SoCal.
Stanger meets up with the foursome at a local restaurant, where they all grill her with the standard partner clarity questions that Patti confronts her clients with every episode. It’s funny to see control freak Patti squirm a little being in the hot seat and she admits that it’s really weird to give over to her staff and just sit back as they make selections for her. However if it gets her connected to her future husband, then she’s all in.
What commences is a long casting session to weed out the duds from the studs in the MM office. Destin admits that he’s nervous finding the right caliber man for Patti so the four proceed with deadly serious clarity picking the right look, age and personality for Stanger’s exacting standards. They find some winners, yet there’s still a sheen of sweat that can be seen on all of their upper lips.
The next day at Beso, Patti turns up and admits dressing and showing up to the mixer has her feeling nauseous. She’s got a new empathy for her clients (always a good thing) but she’s ready to charge into the man pile (so wrong). Destin announces their millionaire to the men assembled and they are all shocked to discover it’s their overload, Patti Stanger! Patti says what everyone is thinking, “This is going to be weird.”
Yet actually it’s not as Patti works the room kind of like she works the show, being personal and upfront with the admirers. Destin thinks it’s a little too much of “Work Patti” on the floor grilling the guys but she’s working out who makes her tingle and who isn’t cutting it. After awhile, Destin asks who she’s interested in and she says she’s not feeling sexually turned on by any of them but she’s partial to the personalities of Jos, the personal trainer, John, the single dad, and Mike, the manly classic car restorer.
Patti does her three mini dates and finds that she likes the intensity of Mike and the humor of John. In the end she selects John for her master date, but Destin adds that the power four want her to go on another master date with their selection who will remain a surprise until she shows up at the date location.
The mystery man? It’s Mike, who is an ex-cop and seems to be really taken with Patti in all departments. He meets her at a horse ranch and when she discovers that he is her mystery date, he tells her that he aims to prove her picker is wrong. Initially he’s quite the gentleman with the compliments as they stroll on their horses through the lovely landscape. Mike remains aggressive in his pursuit to sway her thoughts about him and Patti puts out the vibes that it’s working… until dinner.
At an intimate dinner under the arbor, there’s no landscape to soften full bore Mike as he lays on the compliments oh so seriously (even asking if she’s ready to get hitched!) which freaks Patti out. She’s put off not from a commitment standpoint, but from a “Dude, step it back 10 levels” place. Patti tries to get through the meal as fast as possible and field his courting comments with smiles. He asks for a kiss and she says a hug will do to finish the date, and you can see the relief pouring off of her to be done with crazy-eyed Mike.
The next day, Patti is taken to a local airport where John meets her at a private jet to whisk her away to a spa they both love in Tucson, AZ. They drink champagne and chat on the flight and then take a limo to the spa. There they get foot massages by the pool and talk about what they’re looking for in partners. Patti appreciates John’s more laid back approach and it doesn’t hurt that he’s a DILF.
Later John takes Patti to a zip line track where they have to get in gear and climb a telephone pole to get up to the line. John climbs up like a pro, but newbie Patti freaks out as she slowly climbs to the top. She makes it but it’s not pretty. However, she’s not backing out now that she climbed up that thing and they jump off the perch and slide to the end of the line. Patti loves it and that takes them to a private dinner in a villa with a panoramic view. They discuss his daughters and their life philosophies. She admits that she’s shy in her personal life which he gets and he admits he’s very impressed with what he’s gotten to know about her. He goes in for a hug and a kiss which looks sparky. Patti enthuses that it’s the best date she’s had since she’s been single.
Back at the office, Destin and Rachel talk with Mike on the phone and he admits that his intensity was maybe too much for Patti. The pair knows that he blew it and they say goodbye. Next they call John and he says he had a great time and would like to see more of Patti. A few minutes later, the queen shows up and concurs with John about the date and how he certainly gives her butterflies. The title cards say they have dated several more times since, but will he be her soul mate? Probably not, but it was a grand exercise for her and the audience to see Patti swim amongst her fishes and get back in the game.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Patti Meets Her Match”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 5, Episode 13
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Mike Jerome Putnam
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.