“There are people that fake it till they make it? I don’t really have to fake it, ’cause I’ve already made it. But I could make it even more.” – Skylar Hausewirth
During the premiere of the “triumphantly” returned Beavis & Butt-Head, one of our young heroes, while critiquing/mocking an episode of Jersey Shore, remarked something to the effect of, “I think this is one where they don’t have sex or fight.” Sadly, or gladly, depending on your vantage point, the same could have been said for this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Patti Stanger takes on two young clients this week: Bill Clerico, the 25-year old founder of an Internet start-up called WePay, and Skylar Hausewirth, a 23-year old “trust fund baby” and “club host.”
Patti’s initial take on Bill is that no one likes to date a ginger (Bill is a redhead), but she soon relents and asserts that he has an Eric Stoltz vibe. She then goes on to say that he is both short and nerdy. “Let him embrace his nerd-dom with a confidence,” Queen Patti finally decrees. Meanwhile, Destin says of Skylar, “He’s kind of a clubby, douchey kind of guy, lot of ego.” Then: “He’s a blonde good-looking Jewish guy.” Patti light up and replies, “He’s Jewish? Why am I not 23?” So to recap, if you’re a hard working 5-foot, 8-inch tall red headed Internet entrepreneur, Patti could care less, but bring on the clubby douchey trust fund Jewish lad with blond mop? Now we’re in lust.
Bill says that he wants the personality of Tina Fey with the body of Anne Hathaway. This is a dude who obviously a) has seen the classic ’80s sci fi romp Weird Science a time or two and b) has spent a goodly amount of time carefully assessing this particular equation.
Patti brings in Jenny McCarthy as a (nerd?) consultant. If the nerd isn’t overweight, there’s hope, consultant Jenny proclaims. She also lets Bill in on the secret that girls “love gossip and pop culture.” Drop The Wall Street Journal and pick up People magazine, young nerds of America!
At the pool party-themed mixer, Bill seems to make the right choice in selecting Tracy, an easy going girl with a brain. The two head to the Santa Monica Pier for an afternoon of carnival games and dinner. They appear to be getting along in awkward-ish first date mode, until Bill makes the mistake of giving Tracy a “peck” at the top of the Ferris Wheel instead of “going for it” with the full on French kiss. We learn later that this shoves our young Internet millionaire into the “friend zone” with little to no chance of escape. Anyone get a shivery flashback to when you were 13 or so just now?
Skylar meanwhile comes off as a far nicer and down to earth dude than his initial intro video (“There are people that fake it till they make it? I don’t really have to fake it, ’cause I’ve already made it. But I could make it even more”). He too chooses the girl that Patti would hope for in Jen, an outgoing and adventurous type that also fits Skylar’s desired framework of “Britney Spears before she went crazy.”
The two kids do a very Santa Monica date of hot yoga followed by dinner, and I snoozed through this I caught up with Patti lightly scolding her young MIT (Millionaire in Training) for asking Jen out for a second date via text message.
In closing, not every episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker can be totally kickass, as I’m sure our friends Beavis and Butt-head would agree.
More thoughts on “The Young and the Loveless”:
- “I’d love to build my Twitter but I just don’t know how to do that.” – Patti
- Now that I’ve seen, I can’t unsee. The name of Patti’s business is Millionaire’s Club. As in one millionaire. Singular. Ugh.
- I wonder if a company like Bill’s WePay pays Bravo a product placement fee to get mentioned on the show.
- “Nerds with sex appeal, that equals husband.” – Patti
- “You know, girlfriend and me isn’t really synonymous with the same thing.” – Skylar
- “Train wreck, not happening.” – Patti, with regard to an auditioning gal. To her face.
- “Girls will smell a player.” – Patti
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Young and the Loveless”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 5, Episode 10
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Bill Clerico, Skylar Hauswirth, Jenny McCarthy
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.