“You are gay to the gay gay gay.” – Rachel
This week’s edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker had a little bit of everything, but that did not make for an interesting hour, unfortunately. For better or worse, this show thrives on ragingly narcissistic and/or off-the-charts quirky personalities and an optimum train wreck factor. When that perfect storm happens, well, it’s beautiful in a shame spirally kind of way.
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But such was not to be during “Patti Meets Her Mate.” Instead, we get Chef K, a self-described 30-year old butch lesbian chef with a celebritized celebrity chef name, and Shawn Thomas, a 42-year old tech company guy who likes his wines expensive and his women worshipful and fawning.
Really the significant thing to note about the episode is that we spent more time with Patti away from the matchmaking grind than we ever have before, to my recollection. There are a few scenes where we see her talking to an investigator in search of her biological mother (turns out she passed away), and then a few scenes in which she “reveals” boyfriend David Kraus at her red carpet birthday-meets-boyfriend unveiling extravaganza. The two then go on a date, during which David gives her expensive-looking earrings.
While it’s nice to see Patti getting some closure with her past and finding a “mate” for her future, when we cut away from the office and the lose the chance at the perfect storm, things nosedive quickly into snoozeville.
Meanwhile, after a luau mixer, Chef K chooses the Latina Rosio for her date. One thing I did learn during the mixer was the meaning of “gold star lesbian”: “Gold star lesbian means you’ve never slept with a man,” Chef K informs us. Chef K, who apparently is Chef K as opposed to just K even when she is off the clock, and Rosio go fishing on a yacht, whereupon the latter expresses her terror of the ocean. But then the couple quickly segues into a philosophical conversation. And Chef K does pull a nice move in producing peanut butter and banana sandwiches, which Rosio had mentioned she loves during their mini-date.
I did actually start to think that Chef K was more genuinely interested in finding a romantic connection relative to most of the other celebrities (quote-unquote celebrities and otherwise) that have appeared on The Millionaire Matchmaker. The date ended well and they professed a desire to meet up again soon. Except that we learn that Chef K doesn’t “follow up” and see Rosio again after the episode taped.
Meanwhile, Patti quickly dubs Shawn Thomas as Mr. Bossy Pants, and his true colors (or bossy pants colors, in this case) emerge pretty quickly on his date with Allison. But first we learn that he’s looking for someone who is on “a journey, not a path.” Dig the hardcore ambitiously zen vibe that seems to thrive in certain patches of Los Angeles.
When Allison starts going into how she is looking to move slowly with relationships as she’s been hurt in the past, Shawn jumps in and calls her naive and then follows up by getting all condescending-y. This, as you can imagine, does not set Allison’s heart aflutter. For my part, I thought: finally, some train wreckiness, yes!
But alas, it was short-lived. The couple ends up back in the principal, er, Patti’s office. Shawn says that he’s way too mature and world wise for Allison. Patti, riding her unusually great mood, orders Shawn to go into therapy instead of going nuclear as she would typically do.
So much for millionaire matchmaking, I suppose.
More thoughts on “Patti Meets Her Mate”:
- “Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for a lesbian?”
- “You’re awfully bubbly to be a scientist.” – Destin
- “Why do you have that ugly ass hair when you have a beautiful body?” – Patti
- Memo to Destin: your luau look at the mixer… not a great look for you, my man.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Patti Meets Her Mate”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 6, Episode 10
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.