“Don’t tell me you have that whiny obnoxious New York Jewish type that just doesn’t listen to me, ’cause I just can’t handle that right now.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker works best when both millionaires that Patti Stanger and company have to work with are a little bit of a nightmare. In this episode, we get two female millionaires in this New York-themed season, and let’s just say that it was a very good (read = train wreck) time indeed.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
This week featured Sky Nellor, a 38-year old “international DJ” from Australia and Stacy Kessler, a 46-year old actress/model/life coach/baker (but mostly rich divorcee) from New Jersey. Let’s start with Sky: everything about her screams “international,” or was it that we heard that come out of her mouth one too many times? She tells us that she’s an “international DJ,” and before which she was an “international model.” Does that label come from the same source that allows Austin Powers to proclaim himself as an International Man of Mystery? It seems that her dating history includes Jamie Foxx and a two-year stint with Adrien Brody. “She leads with her boobs,” Patti adds.
At the mixer, it’s pretty clear that no one rated in Foxx/Brody territory, and instead of opting for Tommy, a guy that would likely be ideal for her were she actually interested in dating (and not advancing her career by appearing on Bravo, which seemed sort of obvious by episode’s end), Sky decided to go for Kevin, who she did not even meet in person. “Boo hoo, there are no celebrities here,” Patti adds as commentary before deciding that Sky is “picky picky picky.”
Meanwhile, Stacy sends the super-crazy-all-over-the-place vibe from the first moment we see her and doesn’t deviate (zig zag) course throughout. On her intro video she introduces herself as, “I’m Stacy Kessler. I’m over 39 years old.” Immediately, Patti’s spiky haired assistant, Destin (or Chancellor of Something-or-other) says, “I haven’t see her eyebrows move once yet.” Patti retorts with, “Mount Rushmore, hello!” When they meet in person, I recalled why Patti makes for great reality television when she bluntly cuts off Stacy and mallets her with: “Here’s the deal. I’m not getting a sense of who you are. I feel like you’re having a midlife crisis.” At mixer time, Stacy hilariously goes for Laurance, an artist so spacey that he wants to be the first artist in “outer space,” and some weird-ish corporate dude named Chance.
However, classic sitcom territory is struck when both ladies want to date Kevin, who had the good fortune and moves to bail on the mixer early to head to a photo shoot in The Hamptons. Sky has Kevin travel to Miami (where she’s working her latest international-type gig) to meet up with her for their date. They have breakfast and play tennis. You know the drill, a traditional first travel date to Miami. During their outing, I noted that Kevin seems like a genuinely nice person and felt that there’s no way that I see Sky going for someone like him, i.e. not a celebrity / “international” something-or-other.
Kevin then moves on to Barbados, where Patti has set up a romantic getaway in the hope that Stacy can focus on not being all over the place while away from home. Perhaps it was symbolic that their date took place on a strange but kind of cool (and likely obscenely expensive) private submarine ride. Kevin laid it out perfectly when he says during an interview, “I don’t know what she was thinking or staring at half the time.”
Back in New York City, Patti brings the three of them into the office together, another unusual move for her during a season where they seem to be shaking things up a bit. Patti loses patience with Stacy’s insanity quickly, finally ordering her to “Get the f— out of here!” Likely a smart move as this is someone that’s deep into we’re-going-on-a-project-get-the-scissors-glue-and-glitter territory. And Sky confirmed what we knew all along: she’s just not that into Kevin, or anyone who is not in the International Millionaire’s Club. She even pulled the “Can I think about it?” move when Kevin asked her out on a second date in front of Patti. Ouch, baby. Very ouch.
And to wrap, here’s Patti: “Millionairesses, pain in the ass? Check.”
More thoughts on this edition of millionaire matchmaking:
- The opening segment each week reminds us that the show is located in New York City this season and seems to emphasize Patti’s ascension (to quote crazy Stacy) in the fashion and style consulting world.
- This might reveal more about me than the show but I howled with laughter throughout the male model casting segment. Something about the Q&A section with these gentlemen was simply hilarious.
- “Are you serious about the astronaut thing?” – Stacy to Laurance, the dude who wants to be the first artist in space (or something).
- When Patti sends Stacy to get some kind of chakra / karma / new age treatment, I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Dateapause”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 4, Episode 5
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Stacy Kessler, Sky Nellor
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.