“This is like one of the first tees I came out with: ‘Boys Ain’t S— But Hoes and Tricks.’ I obviously have some issues with guys.” – Leah
This happened to be the second non-train wreck-y episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker in a row, a pattern that is dangerously close to becoming a trend! Still, this edition had its moments.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
We again had a boy and girl millionaire as Patti’s clients this week. Let’s begin with Leah McSweeney, 27, who is described by Patti’s gang as “very alternative” but with a “masculine energy,” someone who needs to be “more of a girlie girl.” Leah owns the Married to the Mob clothing line, and I found it revealing when she showed off one of her tee-shirts, which reads in large in yo face letters, “Boys Ain’t S— But Hoes and Tricks.” Patti, never one to pull a punch during an early round, remarks that, “She looks like she’s been through the mill.”
When Leah visits the Matchmaking office, Patti asks her what she looks for in a mate. Leah quickly replies, “A big penis” (perhaps she’s channeling Little Lupe, Howard Stern fans?) instead of, say, someone who would potentially connect well with her three-year old daughter. Patti decrees that Leah needs to bring out her feminine side if she wants to attract a masculine man who is looking to commit. To wit: “I need Leah to find the vagina and put the penis away,” Patti says.
Meanwhile, Jordan Osher is a polar opposite (thus the episode title, get it?) as a “sweet Jewish boy” and 31-year-old ADD-infected CEO of Meet the Famous, a company that sells amateur paparazzi-style photos for people. Destin says that he has, “the ultimate shiny ball syndrome.” After a session in which Patti sends both Leah and Jordan to meet each other while “body language specialist” Dr. Lillian Glass “secretly” observes, Jordan is advised to put the Blackberry away, focus on the ladies, and man up, to paraphrase Sarah Palin. Leah meanwhile is told to lay back and let the man take charge a little bit.
At the oddly carnival-themed mixer (which takes place at some kind of hipster New York City establishment), Jordan pretty quickly hones in on Bernadette, a sweet and petite girl who matches his energy well. Leah had her sights on hipster chef from Brooklyn Will from the jump, but was forced to take an additional mini-date with Christopher and Brett, or “Heckel and Schmeckel,” as Patti calls them, the BFF-y New York artsy bromance couple as well. She has some fun with them, forcing them to strip to their skivvies before being submerged in the Dunk Tank.
Jordan takes Bernadette to a winery via helicopter. He admits during an interview that his “normal thing” is to ask a girl a question and then zone out while she answers, but genuinely seems to take an interest on his first date. By listening to Patti and leaving his Blackberry behind, she ends up bestowing her highest honors on him. The couple agrees to go out again and seem to be on their way to a real off-camera relationship. The odds for this seem to jump by levels when both people seem to be reasonably sane and don’t have an interest on being on the show to advance their respective careers in entertainment.
Will takes Leah to a weird outdoor restaurant; called Roberta’s, in “the middle of industrial Brooklyn.” It turns out that it’s a place where he used to work. “This is not Leah style,” she says with regard to not being the one to plan the date, but goes along for the ride. They go on to Coney Island, and perhaps Will’s well intentioned inquires about Leah’s daughter got her to thinking about her family. After the date, Leah blows Will off, but for a good reason: she is making an attempt to get back together with her ex.
So, Patti performs good work again this week, but I’m hankering for a good old fashioned matchmaking disaster, and I have hope based on the preview for next week’s episode that I will get what I’ve wished for.
More thoughts on this edition of expensive matchmaking:
- I can’t decide if I like the regular segment in which Patti chitchats with her driver, Deshawne, about her clients each week. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s a little bit weird, right? “I haven’t dated nobody with ADD,” Deshawne added to the mix this week.
- I love the woman during the interview segment who is a “personal trainer, model, and journalist.” That’s… an interesting combo.
- Will has a FTW (For the Win) tattoo right in the middle of his neck. FTWTF.
- Leah says that it’s so annoying when people ask her about her tattoos but then proceeds to ask Will about his. I felt like I was listening in on a Real Hipsters of New York City conversation.
- “Famous last words: how about The Tickler?” – Will
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Opposites Don’t Attract”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 4, Episode 7
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Leah McSweeney, Jordan Osher
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.