“How much can you brag, Mr. Emmy?” – Patti
We open with Patti in front of an audience (or… congregation, perhaps) at a “very elegant” temple in Beverly Hills, where we learn she’s debating Rabbi Shmuley, the “most famous rabbi in America.” We’re also reminded that Patti is engaged to Andy.
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The point of the segment is that Patti wants to get across that The Millionaire’s Club “is not about people marrying for money.” Even though her whole gig is about matching rich people up with non-rich people who want to marry rich people.
The above is just a stone-cold factual statement, but maybe there are deeper levels of nuance in the rich text that is The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Let’s dive in.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: around the office
Rachel is amped at how well the debate with Rabbi Shmuley went, which segues into Patti declaring that there are so many hot Jewish girls in LA, “but where are the guys?”
And surprise surprise, we have two Jewish clients this week, who could have guessed?
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: the clients & intro videos
Justin Shenkarow, 28, is an actor from New York who was on the TV show Picket Fences when he was a little kid. We learn that he’s five feet, six inches tall, which Patti both recoils in horror at and also kind of hisses at the same time.
“We need the mini-spinner,” Patti says, twirling her fingers. I’ll let you figure that one out.
Patti gets one look at Justin’s intro video and decides, “Justin has really small hands*.” And then she also feels compelled to remind us that people with small hands and small feet mean that “you got a small somethin’-somethin’ down there.” This dire revelation worries her.
* Some people with small hands grow up to be presidents of the United States and also wannabe dictators, but that’s a nighttime story for another time, okay kids?
We learn that Justin is into food and can be found at restaurants like Cut and Mastro’s. He also owns property in Sherman Oaks, Manhattan, and Paris, and owns a Range Rover and a Porsche.
This information, in conjunction with Justin listing off his awards (Screen Actor’s Guild and such) does sync up rather well with the brushes with the entertainment industry in Los Angeles that I’ve had in my life. Listing off one’s credits and accolades seems to be pretty normal in that world, even if it’s not in others.
Back to Patti, however, who declares that Justin is “spoiled rotten,” and that “there’s no way he can get a hot girl when he looks like that.”
Also: “He doesn’t know how to fish. He’s Free Willy.”
The gang then makes fun of Justin one more time for being short and they all have a good laugh.
Tyler Barnett meanwhile is “just barely over a millionaire,” Destin tells us, but gets credit for becoming rich at a young age. He owns a PR and marketing firm, and has a compelling story of having overcome some serious health issues.
In Tyler’s intro video, he tells us that he’s into vinyl records and painting, and Patti immediately reacts with, “He’s too renaissance-y artistic,” and, “He’s feminine!”
And: “We need to take the penis out from his crotch. Get some balls. Get some balls.”
Patti seems to always get drawn back to that particular area, it seems.
Destin adds that Tyler is driven, work-wise, but Patti is fixated on how “passive” and “not hungry” he appears to be. “Tyler may be a man in the boardroom, but he needs to be a man in the bedroom,” she concludes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: Patti meets the clients
Patti meets up with Tyler, and asks him who his celebrity crushes are, and Tyler goes with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johanssen. His taste is eclectic, he explains.
Patti tells him to shave his scruffy beard and get a spray tan. This is the key to make Tyler less feminine, I guess. Patti then advises Tyler to use his PR skills to win his lady’s heart.
Over at Justin’s pad, Justin gets persnickety that Patti showed up late. Patti turns the tables by asking what sign he is (Libra). Then Patti lectures him about how actors don’t make choices, they are simply given lines to deliver. Justin disagrees… and I’d have to agree with our guy on this one.
Patti belittles Justin in a separate confessional, declaring, “Step aside, buddy. This is LA, everybody’s won Emmys*”
* Pop Thruster Fact Check: Of the 3.849 million people who live in the city of Los Angeles as of 2021, not “everybody” has won an Emmy. So Patti fails the Pop Thruster Fact Check.
Justin doesn’t want to date someone in the entertainment business; he’d prefer an attorney or accountant. He also crushes on Natalie Portman.
Patti then digs into Justin for his wardrobe choices, and Justin pushes back hard. Patti then unleashes the following argument: “You’re not going to be attracted to a girl that doesn’t look hot and wear a little miniskirt and show off her legs and her tits?” This seemingly is her trump card.
Patti then closes by making fun of Justin, telling the camera, “Most girls don’t wanna ride that ride.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: the recruiting session
Patti tells Chelsea and Destin at the recruiting sesh that she’s on her period and has no patience. “TMI,” Chelsea says, and I hard agree. Patti wants to find a girl for Tyler who will “allow him to be more aggressive” and for Justin, a professional woman who can “pierce his BS armor.”
Leah, a singer/songwriter, tells the gang that she’s “so Jewish” and that she’s so skinny, it looks like she just got out of Auschwitz. “Eww…,” Chelsea says, and I hard agree.
Meanwhile, Patti tells Katrina, a non-profit manager, that she looks like a Project Runway reject and needs to burn her dress.
Amy is a waitress at Olive Garden. Patti says there’s “no crime in that” but that’s “why you need to marry a millionaire.”
That’s a day’s work right there, so Patti and the gang head out to grab some Splenda margaritas.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: the mixer
Onward to the mixer at Citizen Smith in Hollywood.
Tyler and Justin meet each other, and each doesn’t like the cut of the jib of the other. Patti is still seething about not wanting Justin to be “braggadocious Hollywood.” She then tells all the ladies that both are “nice Jewish boys that you can take home to momma.”
To her credit, Patti delivered the kinds of women Justin wanted – an attorney and an MBA student at Columbia, for example – though he complains to the camera that they’re not as hot as he was expecting… like the actresses he says he’s no longer interested in dating.
Patti feels that Tyler is “femininely hanging back” at the mixer. “Where are his balls?”
For the mini-date round, Tyler goes with “obvious” choice Taylor (read = she’s attractive and a model) and Eden, a personal chef who went to the Le Cordon Bleu school in Pasadena (which I used to live near, as side note). Justin also chose Eden, so a “Jewish duel” is in the offing. Justin’s second choice is Amy of Olive Garden fame.
Patti eviscerates Justin in a confessional, explaining that he knew his “penis would go limp” when confronted with women who are successful in their careers.
Eden tells Tyler on the mini-date that she has an eating disorder, and he’s immediately turned off. Tyler is much more down with Taylor, who is into kickboxing and seems cool with talk about hiking at Runyon Canyon.
Justin was enamored with Amy, who saw into her soul and then – not joking here – tells the camera that he wants to head down to the Olive Garden, where “when you’re here, you’re family.” Eden then tells Justin that her mom died, which turns off Justin.
So we get clean winners going into our big first dates, with Tyler and Taylor, and Amy and Justin.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: Justin and Amy’s first date
Before the date, Patti brings a celebrity stylist (Alison) over to Justin’s place to help upgrade his wardrobe. He freaks out at first, Patti calls him an “angry hobbit,” but eventually he settles down and suits up.
Justin takes Amy on a sailboat out at the marina. She has no idea what Picket Fences is, so Justin goes on to drop an anchor’s worth (see what I did there?) of celebrity names that he in theory has some connection with (Leo DiCaprio, etc.), and then proceeds to tease Amy about working at the Olive Garden. I kept waiting for a bottomless pasta or free breadsticks joke.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: Tyler and Taylor’s first date
Tyler takes Taylor to a fancy looking restaurant called The Foundry on Melrose. Tyler’s friends with the chef, Eric Greenspan, who gives the couple a cooking lesson.
The couple seems to have a natural first date rapport, though both are a bit nervous. Even though they don’t like the same kind of music, Tyler’s able to make her laugh by making the old joke about country music always involving a pickup truck, a dog, and divorce.
They agree that they compliment each other as Tyler’s more of a talker while Taylor is quiet. They share a quick kiss and agree to a second date, and it’s actually kind of sweet.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Taylor”: post-dates upshot
Patti checks in with Taylor, who confirms that she had a great date. Patti tells her that she made the right choice versus the Angry Hobbit. Taylor then tells Patti at lunch that they’re talking everyday and having a great time. I’m genuinely happy for them.
Amy later tells Patti that she’s much more on the friend tip, relating Justin’s whole deal. Justin stops by the Millionaire’s Club and drops a, “How ya doin’, hon?” Class. Patti feels that Justin isn’t going to get what he wants unless he gets out of his own way.
She also tells the gang that she wonders “if the penis is alive down there. Does it have blood inside?”
We might be at a record for Patti’s penis references in this episode, people.
The end of episode title sequence reveals that “Amy and Justin haven’t seen each other since their date as Amy is still a server.” Shocker. Also: “Tyler finally found his inner hunter and now Tyler and Taylor are officially ‘boyfriend and girlfriend.’”
Nice.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: where are they now?
I looked up Justin Shenkarow’s credits on IMDB, and was a lot more impressed than I expected. Not only did he appear in 88 episodes of Picket Fences from 1992-1996, playing Matthew Brock, but he has 81 total credits, with a 25 episode run most recently on a show called Spidey and His Amazing Friends.
As I mention above, Justin’s got a very Hollywood personality…
Picket Fences, as an aside,was a fairly big show back in that period of the 1990s that happens to roughly coincide with when I was in college, so I managed to never to see a single episode of it.
According to TheCinemaholic, Tyler Barnett married a woman named Jenna in 2014 and they have two daughters together, Lucy and Nora. On top of still being in the PR game, he’s apparently also an “AI consultant.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Justin & Tyler”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 3, Episode 2
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – January 26th, 2010
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Tyler Barnett, Justin Shenkarow
NETFLIX DESCRIPTION – A young entrepreneur asks for help finding his perfect match, while a narcissistic actor needs direction in the dating department.