“I know you are because your tits are telling me.” – Patti
Patti Stanger hosts a dinner party in the episode’s “cold open,” and among the New York City-elite type guests is Judith Regan, who we learn is the “queen of media,” and the host of a radio show. Bobby and Jill Zarin are also in attendance.
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Then, in a moment that in no way is a contrived reality television set-up, the Zarins suggest that Patti find Judith a match, she being the matchmaking lady and all.
“Judith is this strong, independent, take no prisoners woman,” Patti says.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: the clients and intro videos
Patti informs Destin and Rachel at the office that she’s landed Judith as a client, and Destin says, “Wait, you’re telling me, the queen of all media wants to be part of the Millionaire’s Club?”
Yes Destin, it’s almost like this hadn’t all been planned out in advance.
Patti goes on to tell us about Regan’s publishing industry credentials, which includes “publishing” the likes of Jenna Jameson, Wally Lamb, and Howard Stern’s Private Parts (he being the King of All Media, of course, long may he reign).
And then Rachel introduces the other client, 40-year-old Andrea Correale, so it’s a rare double millionairess edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker. “She has built up the biggest catering company for the stars.”
Andrea’s intro video begins with her explaining that she’s looking for her soulmate, and she needs help.
“I know you are because your tits are telling me,” Patti says as we see Andrea wearing a low-cut top while grooming her cat. To emphasize her point, Patti pulls down the front of her own shirt and says in a low voice, “I am looking for love!”
Andrea goes on to explain that her career has been consumed with catering parties in New York City, the Hamptons, and Long Island’s Gold Coast, and now she’s a little older and can’t find the right guy. Patti shuts off the comedy routine for a moment and explains that this is a common thing that happens with high powered, career driven women who are in their 40s.
Andrea also has been told by boyfriends that she treats them like employees. And… she also pulls out a notebook where she has “ranked” her past relationships. Patti says that she wants to burn the notebook, and that she wants to take over and “decide what Andrea wants,” as her expectations are out of whack.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: Patti meets the clients
Patti meets Judith at a restaurant called Tavertine, and they greet like old friends. Judith explains that she was a reporter in the ‘70s, later worked in media and publishing, and now she’s 56, divorced, and looking for love. She’s attracted to men who are generous of spirit and funny.
Patti asks Judith who her celebrity crush is – which I always find to be a little bit of a strange question, to be honest – and Judith says that it’s Bruce Vilanch. Patti blurts out something to the effect of, “But he’s gay!” and quickly concludes that Judith’s sex drive is shut down, and then asks, “Is your cooch sown shut?” This is more than a little strange, me thinks.
Then Patti gets back into her “juicy goosey downstairs” shtick. Good times.
Andrea stops by the office, and explains that she started her company at the age of 16, soon had a staff of 45, and now has homes in Glove Cove, Long Island and NYC. Like Judith, she realized many years later that she had over indexed on her corporate career and is “alone at 40.”
Patti then tears into Andrea’s notebook and ranking system thing. And then she literally tears it up and burns pages of it with a cigarette lighter. No word on how many New York City fire codes she violated in doing this.
Patti then informs her that she’s skipping the normal mixer for both her and Judith, and instead she’ll select a small number of potential dates for a dinner party, where they can get to know each other and decide who The Big Date should be with.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: the recruiting session
The recruiting session takes an unusual turn from the normal TMM routine as Patti and team pick out headshots of potential dates for Andrea instead of going through rounds of live interviews. And then for Judith, the gang heads over to the Carolines on Broadway comedy club to select funny people potentials for Judith.
And by funny people, they literally audition potential dates by having comedians perform standup comedy for them. Too bad that the Kill Tony podcast with Tony Hinchcliffe wasn’t available back then.
The comedy routines bit is pretty strange, but at the same time it’s a nice break from the go round of typical recruiting session interviews. Several potential comics are selected for Judith (who wanted funny but didn’t specify comedian funny), including John McClellan, who Patti and team particularly like.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: the mixer
The mixer takes place at the famous Delmonico’s, and who shows up there but Bruce Vilanch himself.
Vilanch talks about how many of the powerful women that he knows have trouble finding men, “but the good news about that is when you find one that is secure in who he is, they will absolutely plow you until the corn comes up.”
Judith gets along well with comedians John and Chris, with John peppering his comments with stan up-ish bits. However, Patti also brought in Dave, who was a potential date in a previous Millionaire Matchmaker episode from earlier in the season and rightfully got called out for being creepy. This time around, he’s merely weird and slightly obnoxious, “heckling” the comics sitting next to him (being comics, they are zero percent fazed by this).
Andrea’s table includes two nice seeming but corporate-ish dudes, and Carlos, who came up from humble beginnings and is now a wealthy restaurateur. This latter one has a more substantive vibe than the others. However, Andrea is “completely disappointed” with her choices, she tells Rachel. Patti is “supposedly the best in the business,” she complains. Patti steps over, predictably flips out, and says, “I’m done.” Andrea then eventually gives things another chance.
Andrea eventually picks Carlos, the “passionate Latin Lover,” for The Big Date, and Judith goes with John the comedian.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: Andrea and Carlos’ first date
Andrea sets up a “fabulous romantic dinner for two” at The Players in Gramercy Park… even though Patti told her repeatedly to let the man make the plans for their first date. And by “sets up,” she literally sets things up, working “with her culinary team” on the evening’s menu.
This could be a romantic gesture or… it could be Premium Product/Brand Placement for Andrea’s catering services, but who knows?
Carlos notes in a confessional interview that “relaxing in a relationship is going to be [Andrea’s] biggest challenge.”
Andrea warms up to Carlos during their meal, noting his “passion” and “gusto,” which were traits that she told Patti she wanted in a man. He clearly is a very mature, attentive person as well, paying close attention to everything she tells him and asking the right kinds of first date questions. And likewise, Carlos warms up to Andrea as well.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: Judith and John’s first date
Meanwhile, fun loving Judith Regan meets John at the Museum of Sex. For this one, John was the mastermind, and says that while this plan might seem a little “aggressive,” there’s a method to his madness.
It certainly seems like a good choice as Judith rolls with the program and enjoys bantering with John about the… toys on display and such. Some of which may or may not be robotic toys. John explains that people who have sex with dolls “have no people skills,” which makes her laugh. She also admires his confidence in handling himself well in this kind of situation along with his sense of humor.
And to John’s credit, he’s able to keep the comedy level at the right pitch while also broaching the right level of flirtation, and the two seem to genuinely enjoy getting to know each other a little bit.
The next stop is at the Aphrodisiac Café, which has drinks labeled by categories such as For Commitment, For Libido, and For Stamina (the special here is “Longan Ginger Honey Gold with Orange Blossom”).
Part two of John’s “madness” is dinner at a nice Italian place. The conversation takes a more substantive turn, and John talks about how he loves heading down to Central Park at dawn to take in the trees against the buildings. Judith calls him a “romantic at heart,” and notes how all comedians have a sensitive side.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: post-dates upshot
Patti calls John, who talks about the date and the visit to the Museum of Sex. Patti doesn’t seem as surprised as she might have had the date gone off the rails, of course. Judith then stops by the office, and says “there’s something about him that makes me smile,” and says she’s looking forward to their second date (which will be a morning visit to Central Park).
Carlos is the next call, who says things went well, though Patti jumps on the fact that Andrea set up the date herself. In the office, Patti calls her out on it. “Let them slay dragons and plan the first date,” Patti advises. Andrea finally agrees, and also relays that she wants to see Carlos again.
“Two for two…” Patti says, “And you know those bitches ain’t easy.”
The end of episode captions tell us: “Carlos has offered to plan their second date. Andrea is looking forward to relinquishing control.” And: “Judith and John are looking forward to their next date. She is excited to share a Danish… and a lot of laughs.”
Indeed, this is by far the happiest and most romantic ending to an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker that I can recall.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cooking and Queening”: where are they now?
This Variety article reminded me that Judith Regan was in “literary jail” for years for publishing O.J. Simpson’s super bizarre and creepy memoir, If I Did It, in 2006. We learn that circa 2016, she has “no interest” in dating and is in the business of producing reality TV shows, such as Growing Up Gotti, while still involved with book publishing.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Cooking and Queening”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 4, Episode 9
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – December 14th, 2010
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Judith Regan, Andrea Correale
NETFLIX DESCRIPTION – The love doctor comes to the rescue of media pundit Judith Regan – who puts companionship over sex – and a catering business bigwig inundated with work.