“I’m looking for a girl that has the compliments and the beauty of Maxim meets FHM, with a Harvard degree, who’s sweet as sugar, who got off the farm, and wouldn’t expect a thing.” – Patti
This is it, the series premiere of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Patti Stanger introduces herself as the founder and CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, which is as good a time as any to point out that it drives me nuts that “Millionaire’s” is singular instead of plural (“Millionaires’”), incorrectly indicating that her company focuses one single millionaire.
Maybe it’s telling of oh so many things, but before I go ahead and forge on with this recap, I’ll also note that I deeply love the trashtasticness of this reality television program.
Patti notes that millionaire men all over the world want her help finding love, all of whom “want Madonna in the bedroom, Martha Stewart in the kitchen, and Mary Poppins in the nursery.” Patti also tells us that she charges her clients between $10,000 and $150,000 per year. It’s not a club for “paupers,” she adds.
We also meet Chelsea, the VP of Matching, and Allison, who heads up business development. Allison says that she’s learned a lot of Patti, but that she can be a “handful.” It’s worth mentioning that both Allison and Chelsea disappear from The Millionaire Matchmaker within a few seasons.
Then there’s Destin, the office manager who will later go onto greater things by eventually becoming the VP or Chancellor of Romance or something.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: the clients & intro videos
Dave Levine’s intro video kicks off with him declaring that he owns “one of the largest distributors of adults products on the Internet.” He also “owns a house in The Hills that’s worth like… $3 million,” and has $2 million in stock.
Also: Dave likes to party.
Then we have Harold, 46, who bought a foreclosure from a bank years ago that is located on the edge of a cliff* that is worth $10-$11 million.
* No word on the potential risk from climate change of owning a cliffside home from Harold.
Harold says that he’s not a guy who’s into “strippers with double D’s,” and Patti quickly concludes from that he’s “an ass guy.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: Patti meets the clients
Patti heads to Harold’s house, which is a pretty baller-looking place overlooking the ocean in Pacific Palisades, California.
We learn along the way that Harold is originally from New York and went to Yale*, and that his friends tell him that he has “steel cajónes.” He trades options for a living, which is “very high risk.” We then see him driving around in what looks like a red Ferrari.
* Always interesting when Ivy League alums let you know where they went to college, even 46-year-old Harold.
The first thing that Harold says when Patti asks him what he’s looking for in a woman is that he wants a gal who can “wear a Valentino gown going to a fancy affair,” but also one who could surprise him “in nothing but pearls and Jimmy Choo’s.”
That might be one of the most bizarre and lame things I’ve heard a dude say outside of a terrible romcom, frankly. It’s also noteworthy that Patti seems completely unfazed by this comment, and perhaps even pleased.
Oh, and Harold’s dream woman is “Cindy Crawford ten years ago,” or in the 26 to 32-year-old age range.
Patti’s plan: find a young woman who will “flake” on Harold, who will then be forced to subsequently “reevaluate his own mortality.”
Over at Dave’s place, which seems like the kind of house that Vince from Entourage would rent for Turtle, Dave reminds us that he’s “also known as Sex Toy Dave.”
Patti lets Dave know that one of her “rules of the club” is that there’s to be no sex before the couple commits to a monogamous relationship. Dave’s reaction to this: a disappointed “Oh…”
Ah, and Dave has a stripper pole installed in the middle of his house. He even demonstrates a little stripper pole dance for Patti.
Patti assesses that Dave has been in “stripper world for too long,” and needs to change so that he can find a girl “that he can bring home to mom.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: the recruiting session
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- Patti is looking “for a girl that has the compliments and the beauty of Maxim meets FHM, with a Harvard degree, who’s sweet as sugar, who got off the farm, and wouldn’t expect a thing.”
- “I’ve always thought of myself as an heiress-type person.” – a recruiting sesh attendee
- “The man’s ding dong neutralizes and goes down” when women lead with their “business foot,” so says Patti
- Patti to Jackie, a 28-year-old Hooters employee: “break out the boobs.”
After the recruiting session, Patti castigated Alison and Chelsea for not finding women with education and who look like Cindy Crawford. And thus, a proud tradition of Patti Stanger verbally abusing her staff on The Millionaire Matchmaker hath begun.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: the mixer
For reasons that remain unclear (product/event space placement, I guess?), the mixer takes place on the Club Level of the Hollywood Racetrack.
Dave muses about whether Patti is capable of finding “hot girls in Hollywood” that he doesn’t know. Ah, Sex Toy Dave, such a charmer.
Meanwhile, Chelsea tells the camera that she found wonderful and pretty girls that she hopes Patti will approve of, and all the while I’m wondering whether or not she’s going to burst into tears.
Credit where due: Patti astutely observes that while Dave is a “hunter” in this group setting – with all the ladies looking for the guys’ attentions – jumping right into conversations assertively, Harold is more of a “gatherer” who is a little more cautious in his initial interactions with potential dates.
For the “master date” round, mid-40s Harold selects Sarah, a 25-year-old gal in fashion and marketing for whom a comparison to a young Courtney Cox would not be inappropriate… that Patti had actually brought in for Dave. And meanwhile Dave selects Brooke, a medical researcher and Harvard alum(!) that Patti was hoping he’d pick out of the bunch.
Dave had been quite skeptical that he’d find anyone he likes, but seems happily surprised at this point. And likewise, Brooke was unsure about the “sex toy” thing with Dave, but says she’s open to “having some more fun.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: Harold and Sarah’s first date
We join Harold and Sarah on their date in the midst of LA traffic. Sarah asks him what bands he’s into, and he replies with U2 and Bruce Springsteen. Pretty down the middle stuff that you’d expect from a Harold (that being said, I’m a huge fan of the former: you can check out U2’s albums that made the best 1,000 albums ever here).
As for Sarah? Linkin Park.
Harold’s response: “Who?”
The date proper begins on Harold’s pretty nice-looking yacht. However, there’s another pop culture disconnect when Sarah asks him if he’s seen the movie, What About Bob*?
Harold’s response: “Uh… no.”
* Sarah’s one-for-two in my book here. I’m digging her movie taste much more than her musical proclivities, if you follow.
After we also find out that Harold hasn’t seen Napoleon Dynamite and “isn’t really into movies,” Sarah seems to be a bit exasperated. Harold eventually reveals that he’s into The English Patient and Schindler’s List, two awards show-bait films from the ‘90s (both excellent, though, really) and now Sarah seems flat out tuned out as the two view a spectacular SoCal sunset.
Then one of the most awkward things that I’ve ever seen on television happens.
Harold asks Sarah out on a second date and she responds by saying, “Fo’ shizzy, my nizzy.”
Harold’s response: “Okay.”
Sarah: “Okey dokey… smokey.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: Dave and Brooke’s first date
The two crazy kids head to a restaurant called Magnolia. To Brooke’s credit, she dives straight away into why Dave went into the sex toy business.
Dave, not offended in the slightest, talks about how he was driven to start his own business, and after many failures the sex toy biz did well from Day One.
Dave seems to genuinely like Brooke, telling the cameras she’s the right mix of “bring home to mom” but can also handle dancing in Hollywood “with a bunch of crazy people.” That latter bit indicates to me that Sex Toy Dave isn’t quite ready to be Netflix & Chill Dave, but that’s just one recapper talking here.
Dave gets Brooke back to his house, a pretty rare occurrence in The Millionaire Matchmaker history. This may be due to it being the very first episode of the show, but it’s more likely that they wanted to get footage of Dave showing off his stripper pole “moves” to Brooke.
Again, to Brooke’s credit, she rolls with it and says, “You’re my hero,” and seems to find Dave endearing and even charming.
Out on Dave’s deck, the couple calls Patti together. Brooke tells Patti that she doesn’t mind that Dave has a stripper pole in the middle of his living room, and then they share a hug.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: post-dates upshot
Patti meets Dave at a restaurant a week later, and Dave provides some of the details from his date with Brooke. Dave relates that he had a great time, and they had actually already gone out again… but then he “stepped in it” (Patti’s words) when he revealed that he had planned an upcoming pool party that he had chosen not to invite her to.
“You lost it. Connection done,” Patti says. And: “Party guy doesn’t get the girl.”
Then Patti heads over to Harold’s seriously awesome place on the beach. Patti brings up the age difference right away.
Surprisingly, it’s a super short conversation (that we see on camera), where Harold says that he and Sarah have another date planned, and Patti leaves it at that.
While driving away, Patti talks about how she thinks that Harold wants a woman that he can select like a customized car purchase.
The end of episode captions sequence corroborates Patti’s concerns: “Harold called Sarah to schedule their second date. She didn’t return his call. When Patti followed up, Sarah told her that Harold was a little too old. Harold has since dated other women from Patti’s service.”
And: “Dave invited Brooke to another one of his parties. She accepted, but they realized they weren’t a match. Dave is still looking for ‘the one’ who will love him for who he is – stripper pole and all.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dave/Harold”: where are they now?
I wasn’t able to dig up much, but I found out a little bit more about “Sex Toy” Dave Levine. He did an AMA (“Ask Me Anything”) on Reddit 12 years ago, in which Dave writes, “I am the most watched Bachelor from Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker and was also on VH1, TVland, HGTV, and more.”
Other than that, it’s probably noteworthy that the Reddit thread has a current “upvote” count of zero and contains 29 total comments.
Dave also has a Twitter/X profile that hasn’t been updated since 2012 and has 671 followers.
Oh, and finally: Dave does talk about the sex toy store/website that he owns, but I chose to end my research without going down that particular rabbit hole!
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Dave/Harold”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 1, Episode 1
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – January 22nd, 2008
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Dave Levine
IMDB DESCRIPTION – Patti has her work cut out for her with two millionaires who are looking for perfect tens. Harod is in his early forties, but desires women much younger and “Sex Toy” Dave, who made his fortune as an entrepreneur in the adult sex toy industry, has a stripper pole in his living room.