“A hip hop Jew?” – Patti
“You guys ready for our sex chat?”
So asks Patti of office staffers Whitney and Destin as we open another edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker. The gambit here is that they are answering user questions from a website called Patti Knows (which has not been updated in a few years as of this writing).
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The first question involves a woman who has questions about not experiencing pleasure, shall we say, and asks if she should consult her OB/GYN. “No!” Patti cries. “Consult your vibrator.”
And that’s just for starters.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): client intros
Rachel introduces Steve Lobel, the “hip hop manager” who has worked with “everybody from, like, Tupac, Eazy-E, he hung out with Run-D.M.C. Well, and he’s Jewish,” she notes.
“A hip hop Jew?” Patti asks, sneering a bit.
“Oy vey, yo,” Rachel responds, reflecting the team’s take on this. Very progressive, gang. Congrats.
Steve introduces himself via video as being from Queens, New York but now lives in Los Angeles. He says he’s worth “about three.” We’re left to wonder what that means. He’s also very tough guy-sounding and… let’s say doesn’t have a lot of hair, so it’s not completely inappropriate when the gang says that he looks like Lurch, but when “Mini Me” is invoked, I’ll let you be the judge there.
Oh, Patti does the pinkie to her lips move to emphasize the Mini Me point, though in reality that’s really a Dr. Evil from Austin Powers signature gesture, but let’s move on, shall we?
“Why does he act like he comes from the ghetto?” Patti asks.
“Because he’s a hip hop manager, yo,” Rachel responds.
Okay, maybe we shouldn’t move on? Anyway…
Steve goes on to talk about how now that he’s successful and getting older, he’d like to settle down.
Patti reacts to this by saying, “He needs hair!”
Steve then goes on to discuss his “type,” which seems to be more in the “A” versus the “T” department, if you follow (and if you don’t… please don’t worry about it).
In reaction to this, Destin puts on some kind of accentuated hip hop pose, and Rachel says, “He’s not hot. True story.”
Patti concludes that because Steve dresses like “a rapper, a gangster,” that he’s a “hip hop heap.”
Meanwhile, Destin introduces Dr. Alex Simpolous, who we learn has been married twice and “likes to create women.” If that’s not helpful, Destin adds: “The guy is a reanimator times ten.”
Alex goes on to explain via video that he’s 40 and a “Beverly Hill cosmetic surgeon” with a specialty in… “vaginal tightening procedures.”
“Creepy,” Patti notes. Then she adds: “Ooh, he’s gross.” And then later she calls Alex “Dr. Freak-enstein.”
And to be fair, we see images of women he has “done work” on and… let’s say it’s unusual stuff. But let’s hope the patients are happy with the outcome, right?
Alex also says that his past relationships have been based on sex and that he’ll be a challenge for Patti to match him up with someone because “I create beauty.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): Patti meets the clients
Patti swings by Dr. Alex’s house, and it’s then revealed that the good doctor is worth $1.2 million… “after the divorce,” and that he lives in Bel Aire, one of the ritziest neighborhoods in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Alex makes sure to note that he has a popcorn machine located in the private movie theater within his house.
Patti diagnoses “Dr. Freak,” as she refers to Alex to the camera, and then gets into her trademark word salad one-liners, such as: “You can’t get to the root of the heart, because it’s all about the physical.”
And then after an extended conversation about Dr. Alex’s, uh, size and what that means for a relationship, Patti segues to, “Okay, why love now?”
After talking about how he’s looking for love in his life after two divorces, he then quips that he likes his alcohol like he likes his women: “hard and fast.”
Over at Steve’s house in Granada Hills, California, Steve is adorned in a white Adidas track suit (much like Run-D.M.C., Steve is always rocking his Adidas, we find out). Side note here that Granada Hills is located in the San Fernando Valley, north of Los Angeles, but kind of way north if you can dig. Steve claims to have “NBA neighbors” who come by and play basketball with him.
Steve then reiterates the names of big-time hip hop/rap/r&b legends he has worked with, ranging from Run-D.M.C. to Bone Thugs-N-Harmony to Three Six Mafia to Mariah Carey to Big Pun to Ice Cube to Puff Daddy. He also says that while he’s a Jewish, Caucasian guy from Queens, his style and “my talk, my personality, my way are going to be different.”
Steve tells Patti that his celebrity crush is Kourtney Kardashian, to which Patti replies, “Ah, the little spinner of the family.”
Steve then flirts with Patti a bit, which makes her backtrack on all of her pretty mean comments from earlier in the episode. “I like a guy who hits on me,” she explains.
“You’re like a tough little teddy bear,” she goes on to tell him.
“A big teddy bear,” Steve agrees.
But then the pushback comes when Patti orders him to ditch the Adidas and tone down the edginess factor.
“It’s a New York thing,” Steve counters.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): the recruiting session
Patti was in an unusually good mood during the recruiting session, driven by the fact that she was really happy with the female recruits for Dr. Alex and Steve.
The only one we saw that the gang didn’t like was an admittedly spacy-looking woman named Ashley, a convention model. “Are you drunk?” Patti asks. “No, I just smile a lot,” she responded. That’d be a no on entre to the mixer.
Other highlights included:
- Tamica – we learn that she’s a Libra, bi-curious, is okay if, uh… a certain procedure has not been done on a man when he was a baby, has experience in “three-ways”… and is a school program director
- Courtney – personal trainer, model, actress, and wants to dance and have a fitness center. She opts to go for Alex when she learns that he’s “hotter”
- Valerie – 30, makeup artist, writer, and a “Kate Beckinsale lookalike”
- Jessica – a model, says “ooh” to working with a rap artist, so will be poised to date Steve. Patti likes her “Kardashian look” and her energy
- Amy Blatt – 25, has a daughter and is an ex-Marine and personal trainer
- Sandra – has a “real job” in human resources and is from New Jersey. The tri-state area connection makes her a potential for Steve
- Danielle – a sign language instructor, and loves Eminem. “So you like the white rappers?” Rachel asks
- Lisa – an account executive and another “Kourtney lookalike,” and likes dogs. Patti admires her “amazing body” and advises her to “show the girls” at the mixer
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): the mixer
The mixer takes place at a spot called The Reef in Long Beach, California. Patti is thrilled that Steve shows up wearing a button-down shirt and tie, with no Adidas in sight.
Steve and Dr. Alex chat for a few minutes before things get going, and Alex reveals that he’s not a cuddler. So not a romantic, this one.
What’s kind of fascinating in observing how the two guys handle engaging groups of women in small talk is that Dr. Alex’s very LA energy and vibes are conducive to get-to-know-you chitchat whereas Steve’s very gruff persona makes him seem like he would be more at home hanging out at an OTB underneath the subway tracks on Ditmars in Astoria, Queens.
Meanwhile, Patti is appalled that Dr. Alex has his eyes affixed to the ladies’ bottoms. “It’s all about sex,” says she, before pulling him aside to tell him, “Your whole job is to get to know them, not to focus on their bodies.”
Smash cut to Alex asking a group of women: “So, ladies, who has had any procedures done?”
For the mini-date round, Steve is attracted to Lisa, the account executive, and Jessica, the model. Both check off boxes for the Kourtney Kardashian lookalike category. And Dr. Alex chooses Valerie, the makeup artist and Kate Beckinsale lookalike, and Courtney, the personal trainer/model/actress.
In the mini-dates, Steve is gruff but comes across as exceedingly normal versus the weirdo LA vibes that Dr. Alex throws at the ladies (perhaps aided by his later admission that he took down five glasses of wine during the mixer). Ultimately, Alex chooses Valerie while Steve goes with Jessica for the “master” date round.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): Steve and Jessica’s first date
Steve takes Jessica to DJ Scratch Academy, and first shows her a mural of Jam Master Jay from Run-D.M.C., who he describes as a mentor and friend. The idea of the date is to get a lesson in DJing, which I have to say is pretty cool.
Jessica takes on the “DJ name” of DJ Jessicano while Steve goes with DJ Stevie Steve. So, maybe they’ll need to workshop that, I’d say. Jessica seems thrilled with the proceedings, saying she’s used to being taken on dates to the Cheesecake Factory and the movies. After the lesson, they adorn Run-D.M.C.-like paraphernalia such as a huge gold chain necklace.
“I’m having a blast,” Jessica tells Steve.
Steve then takes her to a restaurant called Fillepe’s, where he “shuts the whole s— down,” meaning it’s a completely private event for the two of them. And in fact, Steve dons a chef’s jacket and hat, proceeds to cook dinner for the two of them himself as she looks on, and then serves up what looks like a really tasty entrée.
Yes chef, indeed.
The conversation takes a more serious turn at dinner, and the two continue to vibe on the desire to have kids and the importance of family for both of them.
Steve then pulls the, “Close your eyes, I got a surprise for you,” move, which turns out to be a kiss. This is a high risk high reward move, kids – especially these days – but DJ Stevie Steve pulls it off most successfully.
“I absolutely see something getting started here,” Jessica tells the camera.
And that’s not even the end – Steve rolls out a cotton candy machine for dessert.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): Alex and Valerie’s first date
Dr. Alex meets Valerie at a restaurant called Casa Azul Cantina. During their initial semi-awkward banter, I couldn’t pay attention much as I was distracted by Alex’s weird bright green shirt under his jacket that’s unbuttoned to the point so as to give off a Lizard Suit Larry vibe.
I tuned back in when Valerie asks, “So do you typically have sex with girls on the first date?” and Alex responds with, “I’m game if you are.” He claims that he’s kidding but then immediately segues to inviting her back to his place “for dessert.”
Somehow, Alex does lure Valerie back to his place, which admittedly is pretty nice (read = fully functional babe lair, as Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World might term it).
After what seems to be a romantic-ish moment in the backyard, Alex invites her in for dessert, whereupon a woman is there who hugs him and says, “Remember these breasts?”
As Valerie puts it, the woman is a “busty, curvy, skinny girl… that looks like she’s had a lot of work done.” It turns out her name is Tabitha, and she’s Alex’s “pastry chef.” In fact, Tabitha has prepared a “butt cake” because, of course, Alex is a well known “butt man.”
Tabitha proceeds to sit on Dr. Alex’s lap, feeds him cake while a shocked Valerie looks on. “Try this piece of ass,” Tabitha says.
It’s Millionaire Matchmaker moments like these that undermine the entire rationale and basis for the show. I mean, it seems completely ridiculous and staged. And if it’s not, it’s just plain bonkers insane.
For what it’s worth, Valerie calls out the “blatant disrespect” to Alex’s face immediately, which makes us like and root for her.
“I got exactly what I wanted,” Valerie tells the camera. “I got to know him.”
“I feel at this point I need to take a shower,” she adds.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): post-dates upshot
Patti and Rachel call Jessica, who relays how much she loved the date and how, in fact, she’s hung out with Steve the entire weekend.
“The Jews are in the house,” Patti says, completely reversing her initial take on Steve.
Steve then stops by the Millionaire’s Club office, and he too is thrilled with how things are going with Jessica.
Valerie then visits the office, and tells Patti and Destin the entire wacko tale of her date with Dr. Alex. Patti assesses that “Mr. Sex Addict” was attempting to engineer a “three-way.”
Then Alex shows up to join the group. In one of the best things Patti has ever uttered on the history of The Millionaire Matchmaker, she quickly asks him, “What are you, a f—ing idiot?”
Alex defends his actions because “I wanted to see the real Valerie.” He’s not the kind of guy who is going to “put a path of rose petals down and all of that kind of horses— for somebody.”
Patti then flips out, and it’s kind of nice to be completely with her. She then quickly issues one of her trademark lines: “You know what, get the f— out of my office!”
“Women of the world, stay away!” Patti warns the audience.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “Dr. Alex and Valerie never saw each other again. He is still searching for the perfect physical specimen for a three-way.” And: “Steve and Jessica are still making music together. She’s in love with both the tough guy… and the teddy bear.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”): where are they now?
I was really hoping to dig up a bunch of stuff about what’s going on with Dr. Alex Simpolous these days, but all I could find was a few medical related things, the most interesting thing (sort of) being his blog, which was last updated in 2017.
The most recent post as of this writing is called “2 Polarizing Social Media Cultures that Grow Demand for Cosmetic Surgery,” which references TV shows like Nip/Tuck and Botched: “Nip/Tuck makes plastic surgeons out to be highly dysfunctional people, while giving the patients a less critical reputation.”
Alex’s blog has a bunch of broken images on it too, for what it’s worth.
I was also a little surprised that I couldn’t easily find out more about what Steve Lobel is up to these days, given his deep music industry roots.
I did find this biography page for something called Amsterdam Dance Event, which fleshes out his career some more. It mentions other artists that Steve has worked with, including “Fat Joe, The Beatnuts, frankie cutlass, MOP, Common Sense, Fatal from the Outlawz, 8 Ball and MJG, and 36 Mafia.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – Dr. Alex Simpolous & Steve Lobel (“Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop”)
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 6, Episode 2
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – January 17th, 2013
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Dr. Alex Simpolous, Steve Lobel
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Steve Lobel, a Jewish hip-hop manager from Queens, has worked with everyone from Run DMC to Tupac. Steve looks and acts like a tough guy, but inside he’s soft like a teddy bear and wants to find his soulmate, settle down and have kids. Can the right woman get past the Queens exterior and see the gentleman inside? Patti goes toe-to-toe with her second millionaire, divorced, 40-year-old plastic surgeon Dr. Alex Simpolous. Patti is horrified that he might be looking for perfection, as he was more than willing to make “surgical enhancements” to his last ex-wife. Will he be able to get past this desire and get to know a girl on the inside?