“We’re gonna get you two to not pick these drama girls, these whackadoos.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Xander/Joseph”: meet the clients
This edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker kicks off with Alison briefing Patti Stanger about Joseph, 44, a “real estate mogul” with “youthful energy” who is cute and “on the shorter side.”
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In his intro video, Joseph comes across as entirely unremarkable, save for a vaguely sociopathic air. I mean, maybe he’s a super fun dude who is remarkably down to earth in real life, but I’m just going on what we’re seeing here, people. Oh, and he plays volleyball.
And then we have Xander, Chelsea tells us, a 35-year-old investor who “made a lot of money in Internet.” He is also tall, we learn. In his intro video, Xander tells us that he’s been “doing stock markets for about nine and a half years,” and more recently he’s investing in online gambling. He’s got homes in Santa Monica and Hawaii and assesses himself as getting an “A” in business and an “F” in relationships.
Xander has a daughter from a previous relationship, and that’s why he’s trying to be selective in finding the right romantic partner and to potentially have more kids with.
Patti meets Joseph and Xander at an outdoor café, which is a rare move for Patti and The Millionaire Matchmaker. And meanwhile Patti lets us know that she’s “like a computer” when it comes matchmaking. Xander tells Patti that he’s “a little shy” when it comes to meeting women, and meanwhile Joseph wants a “no drama girl” in his next relationship.
And then Patti says, “We’re gonna get you two to not pick these drama girls, these whackadoos.”
After this there’s a lengthy bickering session between Chelsea and Patti, after the former asks for a raise. After freaking out and landing on a “hard no,” Patti comforts herself by realizing that her fault – her fatal flaw if you will – is being far too generous with her staff.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Xander/Joseph”: the recruiting session
The recruiting session involves Xander and Joseph behind two-sided glass, with the ladies on the other side. It’s like a police lineup, Patti explains.
Highlights include:
- A bunch of women don’t want to date Joseph because he’s too short
- Xander kind of makes fun of Joseph behind his back for being on the shorter side but wanting to date a taller woman
- Xander “likes ‘em young,” we learn
Joseph ends up taking a shine to Joanne, who has “great energy” and is “drop dead beautiful.” And then the fellas pitch Patti on picking the second woman for their respective mini-dates, so Joseph gets assigned “firecracker” Meredith, who is a comedienne. Meanwhile, Xander selects Violet, again on the basis of looks and energy, and gets Meghan via Patti who is “young and fun.” She’s also innocent, so Xavier “has all the time in the world to corrupt her.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Xander/Joseph”: the dates
The dates are handled in an unusual way for The Millionaire Matchmaker this time, with the fellas actually getting two “real” dates apiece that we get to follow along with – as opposed to what becomes the standard “mini-date”/speed dating round followed by one full blown “master” date apiece.
Xander is sent to a restaurant to first meet Meghan, dubbed as a “recent college graduate” from the Bay Area. Xander’s attire involved a sort of preppy, sort of odd sleeveless V-neck sweater and multi-colored baseball hat. Xander seemed to like her but was concerned that she was not settled down enough for him.
Patti’s strategy – Meghan’s shyness would allow the also shy Xander to come out of his shell a bit – sort of works, though Xander relays that he’s feeling more of the friend level with her.
Xander and Violet take a limo to do some gambling, which Patti feels like will show off Xander’s confident side as he has experience blowing money at various casino establishments, one supposes. The casino that they go to is called Hustler, which right away screams classy for a first date, am I right?
Violet tells Xander that she’s never been on an “elegant” date before, which she defines as one involving a limousine. And meanwhile Xander repeatedly tells Violet how beautiful she is in an effort, one would presume, to come off as “less shy,” but it borders on the kind of weird/slightly creepy side when he keeps doing it even after she tells him it’s embarrassing her and to please stop.
“You’re very beautiful, you’re very hot, you’re very hot,” Xander went on, as though he couldn’t help himself or perhaps he was busy musing, mentally designing the detention chamber that he would assemble in his basement to keep and protect his most precious one.
Or maybe that’s going too far, but who knows?
Meanwhile, Joanne, who worked in public relations, visits Joseph at his house (which has a pretty stunning view of L.A.). Joseph basically thought that she was a chatterbox. Sometime later, Meredith shows up at Joseph’s house for their date. Patti feels that she’s perfect for him due to her diminutive height and “kind and loving” disposition.
Joseph seems enamored with Joanne right away and likes that she’s a stand up comic and has a very kind disposition. The pair hit up a go karting spot, which may well be a place (K1 Speed) that I’ve been to in Burbank, California.
The couple seems to genuinely enjoy themselves out on the court, with Joseph defeating Joanne by a nose during their final race. They even share a friendly hug post-race.
Then champagne and catered food rolls out for their date at the go kart place, which has the feel of, “We have the cameras set up here so might as well just film the entire date in one go” vibes. They seem to have a good time but the editing here gets really weird and we only see a few seconds of the latter part of the date.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Xander/Joseph”: post-dates upshot
Patti calls Violet from her car, and again the editing here gets really weird. And by really weird, we only get Patti’s side of the conversation (read = seems like this was staged) and it’s conveyed that Xander’s creepy over-complimenting drove her for the (Hollywood?) hills.
Patti then meets both of the fellas at a restaurant to do what we would call a retrospective in the biz.
“You told Violet 15, 16, 17 times how beautiful she is,” Patti says straightaway. “It turned her off,” she concludes. On the other hand, Joseph’s date with Meredith is deemed a “success,” with a second date on the books.
Patti then tells the camera that Xander is a nice guy “who just doesn’t have the skills to date properly,” but she feels optimistic that she can provide him with the right skill set. It’s this version of Patti and this version of the show in this moment that’s the relatable and watchable as you can see a guy like Xander – good looking and successful but with very strange game with the ladies – needing a Date Coach of some kind of help him out.
The end of episode captions then tells us: “Joseph and Meredith had a lot of laughs together on their second date. They like each other a lot, but are not yet in a ‘committed, monogamous relationship.’” And: “Violet did not want to give Xander a second chance. Thanks to Patti, his skills are improving and he’s dating other girls.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Xander/Joseph”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 1, Episode 5
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – February 19th, 2008
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff
IMDB DESCRIPTION – Patti’s next two millionaires are ready to settle down. Joseph is a self-made real estate mogul who’s a bit on the short side, and Xander is a millionaire who has made his fortune in investments and has a young daughter.