“She put him in the friend zone because he wasn’t leading with his romantic sexual foot.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: Patti meets the clients
Destin awkwardly segues from talking about working on his fantasy football lineup – which, let’s be clear, is so completely staged – to bringing up that The Millionaire’s Club has a former NFL punter on its client roster in the form of Mitch Berger.
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In the tradition of Bill Simmons when talking pop culture or breaking down movies on The Rewatchables podcast, I decided to do a deep dive on Mitch Berger’s NFL career.
And it’s impressive: longevity of any kind is rare in the NFL – even for kickers – and Berger put together a remarkable 16 season career, spanning 1994 to 2009. Berger played for 11 teams during his career, not at all unusual these days, including the Philadelphia Eagles, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans Saints, Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Rams, Denver Broncos, and Pittsburgh Steelers.
Berger’s highest net punting yards came in 1999 with the Minnesota Vikings at 41.4 yards. The indoor playing conditions in Minneapolis (now called U.S. Banks Stadium) had to help some, but nonetheless that’s a stellar punting season all told.
Berger also has one interception and one fumble on his stat sheet, which I’d have to imagine came from some combination of muffed punts or fakes – and most likely the former in both cases.
Anyway, Patti Stanger replies to Destin, saying, “Yeah… I remember him,” which right there might be the single funniest moment in the history of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Berger has just turned 40 and explains in his intro video that he’s from Vancouver, Canada. Berger also tells us that he went to two pro bowls and won a Super Bowl ring with the Steelers in 2009 (they beat the Seattle Seahawks, 21-10).
Berger seems like a super down to earth guy, especially by The Millionaire’s Club clients, and then of course Patti undercuts this by commenting on his, uh, downstairs equipment with relation to how hot she thinks he is.
Then the word “cock-dar” is thrown around, if you want to get a flavor for the conversation between Patti, Destin, and Rachel.
Mitch’s celebrity crush is Jessica Biel and he’s looking for someone with substance that he can settle down with.
During her meeting with Mitch, Patti brings in former NBA star John Salley for… reasons, I guess? Well, it’s explained that he was a “player” back in the day, but now he’s qualified how to tell Mitch how “not to be a Peter Pan anymore” and settle down with the right woman.
Rachel then introduces Joe Moller, a “VIP event planner” who is “a little cocky.” Joe introduces himself via video as being 37 years old and from Anaheim, California. He’s the owner of Joe Moller Events and runs the downtown Los Angeles Art Walk.
Assuming the latter bit is true, that is an absolutely legitimate thing. I worked in downtown Los Angeles on and off for years and saw the DTLA Art Walk become quite an important social and cultural event for the neighborhood.
Joe also talks about how his single mother worked her way into becoming an attorney (a public defender), and then a judge.
I was getting ready to be pretty impressed with Moller, though he does talk about how he likes to have sex on the first date. Patti and team lay into him for being cocky though, which seems pretty overblown from what we’ve seen so far.
Joe also talks about his net worth is “$1 million and climbing,” which… I’ll let you decide how impressive that part is. He also claims to have clients ranging from Dr. Dre to Dolce and Gabbana.
After meeting with Joe, Patti thinks that Joe “has a sweet and humble side” that he doesn’t show that often.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: the recruiting session & mixer
Patti heralds the kickoff of the recruiting session with, “Let’s bring out the hots.” Highlights included:
- Patti to one gal, referring to her hair: “What is that?”
- Patti to a gal named Bambi: “Is that a stripper name? Come on.” Turns out that she’s a radio host for Playboy Radio.
- Yet another gal is named Dallas, whose real name turns out to be London. I swear to you that I’m not making this up.
- Lindsey, 36, is asked how she looks so young. “I was born earlier,” she responds.
At the “formal” mixer (which looks just like the standard Millionaire Matchmaker mixer, really), Mitch tells the ladies that he likes Jay-Z and U2, and quickly comes up with “More Than A Feeling” when one woman mentions that her family is friends with band members from Boston. And meanwhile Patti is impressed that Joe is able to ask questions and not make it completely about himself.
For the mini date round, both fellas like Melissa, while Joe also selects Emily and Mitch opts for Bambi. We didn’t end up with a “collision” situation though as Joe winds up selecting Melissa for the full blown “master” date, while Mitch really hit it off with Bambi – she revealed that she’s a huge football fan without knowing that he’s a former NFL player, and it also turns out that she shares in common with his mom a background in playing softball at an advanced level.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: Joe and Melissa’s first date
Joe has Melissa meet him at the AT&T building in downtown Los Angeles, where they meet Robert Vargas, an artist, in a high tower loft space.
The date involves Vargas teaching them how to do portraits. Vargas does a fabulous sketch of Melissa using charcoal, and it’s super impressive how quickly and beautiful it turns out. The couple then does portraits of each other, and both come out pretty impressively for amateurs. More importantly, they seem to enjoy each other’s company in the early going.
At dinner and over mojitos, the couple gets into substantive chatter about their families, and Melissa seems to enjoy Joe’s sense of humor.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: Mitch and Bambi’s first date
Mitch takes Bambi horseback riding at Paramount Ranch. Even though neither is an experienced rider, they do a great job getting around the terrain in Agoura Hills, California.
After that, the couple is able to see dolphins out on the water from the deck of what turns out to be Mitch’s “beach house.” Mitch grills up some surf and turf with Caesar salad on the side for dinner, which Bambi seemed to really appreciate. Things take a romantic turn when Mitch feeds Bambi crab directly, and then the two get their first kiss on.
“Me likey,” Bambi says.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: post-dates upshot
Patti and Rachel call Melissa, and I was a little surprised that the latter relayed that she was feeling more of a friend vibe with Joe than feeling a romantic attraction going on.
Patti’s takeaway: “She put him in the friend zone because he wasn’t leading with his romantic sexual foot. A girl wants to be claimed.”
In the office, Joe seems blasé about the date, and Patti and Rachel try to give him a lecture about how “it’s all in the kiss.” It’s a fairly odd little scene.
Bambi meanwhile tells Patti and Destin over the phone her date with Mitch is “the best I’ve ever had.” “Can you say touchdown?” is Destin’s retort.
Then on a video call, Mitch agrees that it was a perfect date, and he says that Bambi is more beautiful on the inside than on the outside. What’s more, the couple has already decided to date exclusively with one another.
Then Patti makes some kind of comment about winning the “love Super Bowl,” because… uh, yeah.
The end of episode captions sequence then tells us: “Joe and Melissa never saw each other again. So they’ll never know if it was in his kiss.” And: “Mitch and Bambi have kicked off a brand new romance. They’re even talking about moving in together.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Mitch Berger & Joe Moller: where are they now?
For once, I was able to get a really solid read on what’s going on romantically with a Millionaire Matchmaker participant these days. And the news is fantastic for our guy Joe Moller and his bride, Bambi!
Joe also “owns a set of nightclubs and restaurants in his hometown of Vancouver, British Columbia.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “A Tale of Two Jimmys”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 6, Episode 9
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 12th, 2013
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Mitch Berger, Joe Moller
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Patti is ecstatic when she finds out her first client is retired NFL punter, Mitch Berger. Patti loves setting up professional athletes and Mitch is perfect, he’s hunky, sweet and ready for marriage. The only problem is, being on the road for 25 years with teams, he’s never really grown up. Patti brings in ex-NBA star John Salley to advise Mitch in all things, including how to snare a sporty wife! Patti’s second client is artwalk and event planner Joe Moller. A bit of a workaholic, Joe grew up poor and made his money the old-fashioned way – pure hard work. But can Patti get him to slow down and put away the cocky attitude long enough to attract a girl and keep her?