“If you take my advice, you will get married. If you refuse my advice, you’ll be single forever.” – Patti Stanger
In the opening segment, Destin and Patti review a print ad that they’re working on for The Millionaire’s Club. The most hilarious part is when they read aloud the copy, which includes a note about how there’s “24/7 coaching” as part of the millionaire matchmaking service.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: client intros
The first client on deck in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker, Robby Love, is introduced as follows: “He sold a company for millions, and then he just financed a film about roller skating and made this music video to kind of promote it.”
We then see a clip of the music video, and I’m not overstating it by saying it is hideously cheesy, with a side dish of zero redeeming irony or other indication that it’s making fun of itself. Instead, we see shots of women in bikinis running on a beach, followed by Robby, adorned in some kind of 1970s disco outfit, roller skating down a suburban street, and rapping.
Yes, rapping.
Roller skates, are my ride
Got love girls by my side
And then we see more girls in cheerleading outfits, followed by Robby thrusting his pelvis for all its worth. “Here comes Robby Love,” a female singer announces.
Then Robby’s back in a hideously cheestastic rap outfit that Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island guys would reject for being too way over the top to ever possibly even work for parody purposes.
And then Robby literally plagiarizes “Rapper’s Delight,” by The Sugarhill Gang, one of the most famous rap songs of all time.
Don’t mean to brag
Don’t mean to boast
I’m hot butter on your breakfast toast
I’m absolutely flabbergasted and offended on behalf of The Sugarhill Gang here.
Patti and the gals meanwhile simply giggle, and then Patti asks, “Has he ever been married?”
Oh, and it turns out that Robby is 39 years old.
The other client, Brendan, couldn’t be more different than Robby. He introduces himself as being 26, from New Jersey, and the CTO of a credit card processing company. He’s well dressed and clearly pretty conservative in terms of his overall vibe.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: Patti meets the clients
In fact, Brendan flies all the way in from Jersey just to meet Patti, so she drives over to the airport to pick him up.
Brendan tells Patti that’s looking for a laid back, easygoing partner who has career ambitions, and he seems genuinely grounded and not at all the kind of egocentric, immature maniac that Patti often deals with in her clients.
Then Patti heads over to meet Robby, who she refers to as the “rolling rapper.” Robby introduces himself as 39-years-old and an Aquarius, and my thought bubble reads: what a goofball. Apparently, he made money by way of a sports complex in Florida
He also did the “love tour,” where he roller skated across the United States to help raise money for children’s cancer research, so based on that my opinion shifted quite a bit, and I started wondering if this is a seriously eclectic/out there dude who has a bunch of money and is trying to figure out different ways to spend his time and his life.
And then when Patti enters Robby’s place and it’s kind of a dump, it’s tempting to think this dude is sort of con artist with a whole goofball weirdo shtick.
I’m all over the place when it comes to Robby at this point, basically.
Robby hasn’t had a serious relationship in ten years but says he’s now ready to settle down. He also brings up the screening of the documentary about the “love tour,” and now I’m skeptical that Robby is all about Robby getting some screen time and accolades, if you feel me.
Robby gets us all over the place like that.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: the recruiting session and mixer
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- One woman reminded me of how loopy people can be in Los Angeles (I’m allowed to go there as I lived there many years, says I). She talked about how she’s looking for “an enlightened, spiritual Eminem,” and that she’s the kind of gal who wants to do a “12 day spiritual retreat” but then needs to take her heels for the nightlife that would surely follow. The best part was that she did a little flowing dance while she was talking and eventually bumped into a chair.
- Patti eventually asks this woman: “Were you a stripper at one time?”
- A woman named Danielle is a “paintball tournament advisor.” Sounds like a cool gig!
- Another woman is “attracted to metrosexual types”
- Someone describes her job as “bunny rescuer”
- Dawn is a roller skater, so potential winner for Robby there
This episode is very unusual in that it skips over the mixer and simply shows Patti “assigning” her chosen dates for each Millionaire’s Club client.
Robby gets Dawn, naturally, while Brendan is paired with “bombshell Amer-Asian girl” Charlene. Brendan had actually told Patti that he prefers blondes, but Patti feels confident that Brendan will love this “Jessica Alba-like” gal.
Patti then tells the boys about her “code of conduct” and how she’d like them to present themselves on their respective dates. It basically involved Dating 101-type advice around being polite, attentive, and sensitive to the other person’s needs, but Robby took umbrage with what he perceived to be getting treated like a child.
This roller-skating rapper ain’t no kid, kids.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: Brendan and Charlene’s first date
Brendan meets Charlene for lunch at an elegant looking spot (though its odd that their table looks like it can easily seat 12 people), and Brendan is surprised at how much he likes her immediately.
However, they aren’t on the same page right away, as the order of oysters, shrimp, and ratatouille “scares” Charlene, and even the notion of raw fish seems foreign to her.
“I think shrimp is always supposed to be cooked, right?” she says.
Charlene also doesn’t seem to appreciate that Brendan is not enthusiastic when the topic of dancing comes up.
Brendan tells the camera that he was hoping to date someone who is a little more worldly and sophisticated, and it’s not an unfair comment based on what we see of them together.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: Robby and Dawn’s first date
Robby meets Dawn down at the beach to go roller-skating, which seems like fate and destiny rolled into one. The musical accompaniment is that here comes Robby Love song once again, and I can’t help but cringe a little.
That being said, Robby does have a very easy way about him – as does Dawn – so the couple has a clear early rapport as they gently roller skate around the boardwalk area together. Eventually, he teaches her to how to do a spin move with him, and she rolls with the program (so to speak) very nicely.
Even though Robby comes off as an egotistical weirdo at times, it’s actually quite sweet when he shyly asks Dawn over lunch to come with him to his documentary film’s screening later that week. She happily accepts.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: post-dates upshot, Part I
After the dates, both Robby and Brendan head down to The Millionaire’s Club offices together.
Brendan immediately asks to date someone else on Patti’s roster while he’s still in town. Patti pivots to a headshot that she has ready of a 23-year-old blonde gal from North Carolina named Carolyn Cannon.
Patti sets the two up to go on a helicopter ride around Los Angeles, followed by dinner. “Very Donald Trump,” is how she frames this, and we’ll take that to mean that that’s a good thing, I guess.
Robby says that he and Dawn laughed a lot together, and that he wants to see her again.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: Brendan and Caroline’s first date
Brendan’s first date, Part II, kicks off with the helicopter ride, and Brendan jokes around that they should do the traffic report.
Things warm up when the two figure out that they are both into college football, and it’s clear that Caroline, while young, is much more worldly than Charlene as she has lived in Europe. The two go onto discuss the different places that they’ve traveled abroad.
Over dinner, things get a little more serious and the two seem to have genuine chemistry. Brendan asks her out on a second date, and Caroline tells him that she’s the happiest girl in the world.
She tells the camera how hard it is to find a guy like Brendan in LA as many are very conceited and cocky.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: Robby’s screening/Robby and Dawn’s date, Part II
Dawn dresses up for the screening and seems happy to be there for Robby.
However, that really nice moment completely crashes… at least for me, when the horrifically cheesy here comes Robby Love bit shows on the screen before the small audience yet again.
We see Dawn smiling at this, but it’s hard to tell if inside her soul is begging her to run for the exit.
After the screening, the two continue to get along well, and Dawn agrees to see Robby again.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Robby/Brendan”: post-dates upshot, Part II
Brendan tells Patti that his date with Caroline went “perfectly.” And in fact, a second date is on deck for that very afternoon down at the beach.
Patti feels that the two could end up together if they play their cards right.
Later at a café, Robby relays how happy and proud he was to have Dawn there with him at the screening, and overall, “it went really smooth. It was cool.”
Things take kind of a weird turn when Robby tells Patti that while he’s happy with Dawn, he doesn’t want her to “fix him up with anyone anymore.” It sort of seemed like he was “firing” her and the Club’s services, but it was a little hard to tell.
The end of episode captions then reveal: “Brendan and Carolyn went on several more dates. Now back in New Jersey, he can’t wait to see Carolyn again.” And: “After one last date, Robby and Dawn ended their roller-skating relationship. Robby is currently dating someone else from Patti’s service.”
Robby’s gonna Robby, I guess.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Robby/Brendan”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 1, Episode 6
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – February 26th, 2008
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Robby Love
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – The knock-down fight Patti had with Chelsea and Alison about getting a raise is resolved as Patti knows she can’t hold a grudge against her girls – they are like her daughters after all. With peace in the air, Patti can really get back on track finding love for her two new millionaires, Robby and Brendan.