“Membership will not be refunded.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: client intros
The first client on deck in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker is Laurence Warren, 38, who Destin describes as “a little bit of a party boy.”
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Via video, Laurence Zwirn tells us that he lives in both Los Angeles and Las Vegas, and that he’s worth $10 million. He wants to find the right person to settle down with, but he’s also not going to compromise, no sir. Contradicting himself, he also says that he will often fall in love “within five minutes.”
Side note that Laurence kind of looks like the recurring character on a ‘90s sitcom who always annoys the main character (queue the laugh track).
Patti Stanger’s take: “He thinks he’s hot but he’s not. Like, that’s why he’s single.”
Meanwhile, Andrew Stern, 34, is described by Chelsea as tall, good looking, and “monotone.” “Dead inside” is how Destin puts it.
In his intro video, we learn that Andrew is a “small town boy from Ohio,” and Jewish. He’s works in digital marketing, worth $5 million, and is looking for a woman who is funny and sarcastic.
Patti: “He’s the cute geek Internet guy.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: Patti meets the clients
As Patti drives over to Andrew’s place, we learn that he drives a red sports car and is the CEO of Seed Corn advertising.
After Andrew’s pet parrot, Cookie, semi-attacks Patti, she asks Andrew if his significant other “also has to be a geeker,” which is exactly as cringe as you can imagine. Then, when Andrew admits that he usually won’t ask an attractive woman that he observes for her phone number, Patti calls him Lazy Larry.
“I feel like you don’t want to work for it,” she continues. Then she makes a Free Willy analogy, which I didn’t really understand.
Patti then laments the fact that as she sees it, Andrew is a “good looking guy getting no action.”
Laurence later meets Patti at Piccolo Ristorante. We learn that Laurence is the CEO of Nature’s Purist nutritional supplements. Laurence thinks that while there are beautiful women around, it’s hard to find those who are kind and honest. He’s also not into “big” girls.
Patti tells the camera that she thinks that Laurence tries to be charming, but that she finds him creepy. To his face, she tells him that his goatee has “terrorist” vibes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: the recruiting session & mixer
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- Patti asking everyone if they’re Jewish, which starts to get uncomfortable after a bit.
- Patti gets a little judge-y when one gal declares that she’s a Satanist. Destin is called. in to handle the situation as “that’s his territory,” presumably as he rocks a goth/emo-type look. “Satanists worship carnality,” he explains.
- Patti eventually gets pissed off at the staff, and with everyone in general, due to the lack of Jewish recruits for her clients.
- Also, staffer Rachel is wearing something like decorative brass knuckles as a necklace, so there’s that.
One the day of the mixer, Patti is somewhat mollified by having some attractive Jewish ladies there for the gentlemen. Oh, but she’s very unhappy that Laurence didn’t get a spray tan for the event (an emergency spray tan is called for).
When Andrew and Laurence meet, the latter says of Andrew, “He looks like a Jewish Clark Kent. I didn’t know I was in a Jewish Hot Guy competition?”
As the mixer begins, Patti assesses that while Laurence easily shmoozes with the ladies and is a “natural hunter,” the tall, good-looking Andrew is too passive and more intimidated by the process.
Pattie eventually drags over to meet Marissa, a fellow Ohio native and Jewish (an important prerequisite). After that introduction goes well, Andrew opened up and chatted with a bunch of the attendees.
For the mini-date round, Andrew chooses Marissa and Whitney, while Laurence also selects Whitney in addition to Samantha. Whitney is from Kentucky and Samantha Nashville, Tennessee, so it’s a Midwest and Southern fest in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
In the end, both dudes choose Whitney to go out on the Big Date, who is not Jewish but attractive and super personable. We’ve got a showdown, people! In game show fashion, the choice then pivots to Whitney, who opts for the tall, handsome, and quiet Andrew. Laurence then opts for Samantha, who flatly rejects him saying she “doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice.”
Hilariously, we then cut to Laurence telling the camera that he thinks that Samantha looks like Elijah Wood and can’t get that image out of his head.
Laurence then pushes the choice back on Patti to select a date for him. Patti then semi-bulldozes Marissa into agreeing to date Laurence. She then pitches Laurence on the “hot little spinner girl from Orange County.”
This entire sequence is gloriously cringe and it’s why we love The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Then, as though they’re in a junior high school cafeteria, Patti runs back and forth in an attempt to assuage both Laurence and Marissa that each is genuinely interested in dating the other. Finally, the deal is sealed.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: Laurence and Marissa’s first date
Marissa meets Laurence somewhere on the west side of Los Angeles to go shopping. Laurence has mentioned several times that he likes to take his ladies out to shop, and in this case he hits the mark, at least early on, as Marissa gushes to the camera that she feels like “Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.”
And if nothing else, Laurence expresses enthusiasm for Marissa’s outfits, so there’s no way that she can feel that he’s not interested… in her appearance, at the least, shall we say.
They then get into a limo to head to a restaurant called Nic’s, and on route Laurence announces that he’s “popping bottles with a model” as he uncorks the champagne. Subtle is not a word that our guy Laurence encounters very often, me thinks.
At dinner, Laurence gives some kind of speech about how he “doesn’t have any problem at all” with women who want to be with him for his money, and when Marissa says “okay” with a slightly perplexed look on her face, we as the audience are right with her.
Laurence then pivots to, “Do you want to have a vodka shot?” Which, right there, kind of shows the mode and scene that he typically operates in. Marissa, who clearly is in another mode and scene, puts her hand on Laurence’s arm and says, “I just want you to be comfortable with our date.” Which is a really interesting moment, I must say.
They then head into the restaurant’s Vodka Room, which is “temperature controlled” to the perfect temperature for vodka drinking, apparently. The couple also puts on Eastern Europe-style hats and jackets for this endeavor, I should add.
Laurence opts for multiple shots in the Vodka Room, and Marissa follows along. “You might have to carry me out of here,” she finally says, a glazed look in her eyes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: Andrew and Whitney’s first date
Meanwhile, Andrew takes Whitney to Will Rogers State Park, a place as sidenote that I have been to (it’s very nice).
The outdoor scene seems to fit Andrew’s vibe perfectly, and he and Whitney seem very comfortable with one another from the jump. “Bambi,” Whitney says as they check out a deer doing deer stuff.
Eventually, the couple finds a picnic spot, where Andrew has arranged to have some flowers, wine, and a card waiting for his date. Whitney seems pretty happy and touched by how things are going at this point.
The conversation gets a bit more serious at this point, turning to thoughts on family and children. And eventually the two kiss in a rather romantic moment.
“You’re so stinking cute,” Whitney says.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: post-date upshots
Patti talks to Whitney on the phone and then meets Andrew for lunch, and both relay how well the date went. In fact, Andrew reveals that he has already made plans for a second date “this week,” which puts him far ahead of the more typical flaky/weirdo clients that The Millionaire Matchmaker often sees.
Marissa calls Patti and tells her there was no end-of-date kiss, with Marissa wanting “to take it slow.” Also, a hard pass on the invite to head with Laurence to Las Vegas. Back in The Millionaire’s Club office, Laurence tells Patti that Marissa “chickened out” of the Vegas trip, which “turned him off.”
Patti lets Laurence know that he sent Marissa in the “fear zone,” and then something confusing involving oxytocin and “getting naked and putting the ding dong in.”
Then, also confusingly, Patti asks Laurence to call Marissa right then and there to invite her on a second date. When Laurence retorts that Marissa should ask him out this time, Patti and crew freak out, with Patti moving to her patented toss the client out of the office move.
“Membership will not be refunded,” she says.
The end of episode captions then tells us: “Andrew and Whitney are still dating. Whitney still thinks Andrew is ‘stinking cute.’” And: “Eventually Marissa did call Laurence… he hung up on her.”
Okay, so that’s that, then.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Andrew & Laurence”: where are they now?
Usually, when I do research for this section, it’s fun to try to find out if the couples are still together (vast majority’s a no there, unsurprisingly) and generally what’s up in the lives of the clients who participated in The Millionaire Matchmaker.
My finding for this episode is a true shock and a bummer: Andrew Stern, who came across as a genuinely good person and seemed to have a real connection with Whitney, died in 2014 of a self-inflicted gunshot wound at a shooting range. He was in the process of getting divorced from model Katie Cleary at the time.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Andrew & Laurence”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 2, Episode 3
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – February 26th, 2009
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Laurence Zwirn, Andrew Stern
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Matchmaker Patti Stanger has two extreme opposites this week with her millionaire clients. Laurence is a 39-year-old owner and CEO of the vitamin company, Nature’s Purest, and a total extrovert who says whatever is on his mind. Andrew is a gorgeous, 34-year-old advertising executive who recently started an Internet company called Rip Lounge, and an introvert who never approaches girls on his own, a major flaw in Patti’s opinion. At the office, when Rachel, Destin’s girlfriend, doesn’t bring the right girls in for the recruiting session, Patti makes her staff go back to the drawing board. Tensions are high at Millionaires Club as Rachel, Destin and Chelsea have to start from scratch.