“Goddamn, daddy’s not looking to f—ing sit on the couch and f—king play tiddlywinks and start f—king crocheting.” – Damian Guillot
In the opening segment, Patti Stanger brings in Glynis McCants, the “premiere numerologist in the business,” to help her out with her own relationship issues with her boyfriend David, and I can’t be bothered to write more about whatever nonsense these two have cooking up together.
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I also almost can’t believe that Patti would put that on television with regard to some pride in being a “millionaire matchmaker.” But you know what? I can believe it.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: client intros
The gimmick in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker is that both clients are looking for “redheads.” Rachel helps celebrate this by putting a red wig on her dude Destin.
Damian Guillot, 41, owner of Aspen Art Gallery, introduces himself via video. Rachel deems him as “quite the life of the party.” And indeed Damian tells us, or rather screams at us, that he would describe his personality as, “Woo, look at that!”
Damian is from New Orleans and dropped out of school in the early ‘90s to join the marine corps. He then returned home in time for Hurricane Katrina to hit. This led to his moving to Aspen, Colorado where he eventually found financial success. He also describes himself as “the gayest straight man you’ll ever meet.”
Devin chimes in that for someone who has been in the Marines, “Damian is very effeminate.” I’ll only chime in here and add that Devin’s nickname should be Hot Topic based on the way he dresses, in addition to his overall vibe.
Destin then introduces Dr. Chris Patton, 48, “a sweet guy” and “recently divorced dad.” He’s a “green guy” who drives a Prius and believes Ginger from Gilligan’s Island, played by Tina Louise, to be his dream woman. Oh, and he also has a Ferrari.
Chris tells us that he lives in downtown Los Angeles and reminds us that he owns a Prius and a Ferrari. He then reveals that he has a Prius Test that he uses on the ladies he dates, where he’ll pick them up in the Prius – which has his kid’s car seat installed and is “thrashed” – and if the date doesn’t mind, then he’ll know she’s “cool.”
Patti blurts out at this, “Who the f— is he to use a Prius Test?” She also thinks that Chris is “bitter” and “holding onto the baggage from the divorce.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: Patti meets the clients
Patti heads to a beachside café to meet Damian first. While she’s on route, Damian lets us know that while he’s a “party guy” who loves to have fun, he’s looking for a non-partying “good girl” who can “maybe slow me down a little.”
Damian then starts riffing adamantly and a little disturbingly to the effect of “Goddamn, daddy’s not looking to f—ing sit on the couch and f—king play tiddlywinks and start f—king crocheting.”
If nothing else, this guy knows his way around some nice quiet time hobbies.
Also: Damian has a theory about redheads: “They’re either drop dead gorgeous or buttf— ugly.” So there’s that.
Patti’s main advice for Damian: go for a redheaded gal that’s slightly older than his typical target demo and look more “manly” and “less metro” for the mixer, because she’s getting a “femme vibe.”
Damian’s response to that: “You’re so cute. I could sop you up with a biscuit.” And it’s at that moment that I did not get femme vibes but I did get Chris Farley but 1000% less funny vibes.
While Patti is on route to meet Dr. Chris, we learn that he is an interventional radiologist who is worth “over $1 million.” Which is… on the low end of what Patti’s clients typically (at least) brag about. We also learn that Chris had been married for 14 years, has two kids, and is “looking for a quality woman to spend time with.”
Also, post-divorce, our 48-year-old has been enjoying himself by dating ladies in their mid-20s. But now he’s looking for something more serious, he says.
And to make that happen – and her clients’ dreams come true – Patti has set up a special redheaded mixer for her two redhead-adoring clients. As Dana Carvey famously said playing The Church Lady on Saturday Night Live: “well isn’t that special?”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: the recruiting session and mixer
Highlights of the recruiting session, all redheads all the time edition, include:
- Patti, Destin, and Rachel debate whether the hair of Elise, a marketing manager, is red or actually strawberry blonde.
- Patti to Darcie, a jeweler and artist: “I hate your outfit and are you going to a Halloween party?”
- Valerie, a seller of “fashion clothes” with a three-year old son, is deemed perfect but she is ordered to “go red” for the mixer.
- Nicole, Radiation Control Technician, is judged as perfect for both Damian and Dr. Chris, and is also advised to go red.
- Patti casually calls Heather, a training manager from Orange County, an “idiot” before deeming her acceptable to attend the mixer.
- Beck is a female musician and not Beck Beck, who heralds herself as a “rock star” and the lead singer for a band called The Moonbeans. Patti greenlights her after talking trash about her shoes.
When we get to the redhead-centric mixer, it’s time for a gimmick, people! Patti and even Destin show up as redheads as well.
At the mixer, Damian is flirty and outgoing but gets admonished by Patti for talking about himself too much and not asking the ladies questions. I got distracted pretty quickly by this sequence by the women who were clearly wearing redheaded wigs to stay with the redhead mixer theme.
For the mini-date round, Damian selects Amy and (not that Beck) Beck while Dr. Chris opts for Nicole and… a different Amy, dubbed Amy Jane. The main highlight for me during this part of the episode is that Damian and Beck bond over having Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas as their all time favorite movie. I mean, all time, really?
For the Big Date master date round, Dr. Chris opts for Amy Jane while Damian goes for his Amy. So double Amys on tap, and as someone who may or may not be happily married to someone of the same name for many years, I can’t at all disapprove if only on that score.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: Chris and Amy Jane’s first date
Dr. Chris has Amy Jane meet him at a place called Specialty Foods Qzina, where someone named Francois Mellet is brought in to teach the couple “everything about chocolate that there is.”
The couple is taught to make raspberry puree and chocolate mousse by Chef Francoise, and the two have a nice friendly and flirty vibe while working together to make their desserts.
After the lesson, Dr. Chris arranges to have a Cousins Maine Lobster food truck roll up to serve the couple lunch. Amy sees this as a thoughtful move as the cuisine ties to her Boston roots. The conversation takes a little bit of a deeper turn as the two talk a little bit about their families, and Chris even gets into the details of his divorce.
Dr. Chris then even tells Amy about his “Prius Move,” which she sees as “smart” given the often superficial Los Angeles dating scene.
For dessert, Dr. Chris rolls out an apparently super rare chocolate called Fortunato #4, and also presents her with the gift of a book for her daughter.
Amy tells the camera that the date was “great in every way” as we see them ending things with a kiss on the cheek.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: Damian and Amy’s first date
Damian flies Amy to Aspen Mountain in Aspen Colorado, and Amy gushes that this is “what little girls dream of” about the trip. The two immediately pop a bottle of white wine while riding up the mountain in a gondola and then enjoy a gorgeous view from the top.
On the way back down though, things take a turn when a lightning storm kicks off and the couple ends up stuck in a gondola car for a bit. However, the two continue to enjoy their wine and laugh their way through it.
Dinner is at a fancy-looking art gallery in Aspen, and more wine and some kind of hot are involved. Damian quickly moves to asking Amy on a second date, and the latter happily accepts.
Damian tells Amy that he hasn’t been in a serious relationship since his ex cheated on him six or seven years ago. Amy gets a little more serious herself and asks Damian if he’d be able to chill out on the party scene to pursue a deeper relationship.
Damian tells the camera that he thinks that they can have fun together. Shortly thereafter, he asks her is she’s “horny,” which she doesn’t appreciate but pretty quickly laughs it off. Whether or not that’s a red flag remains to be seen.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton: post-dates upshot
Patti and Destin call Amy Jane first, who relays that things are going so well with Dr. Chris that they’ve already been on several more dates together. She’s absolutely thrilled overall. Dr. Chris then stops by the office and describes himself as “crazy happy” with how things are going. In fact, the couple are now seeing each other just about every day.
“It’s a match made in heaven,” Patti says. She also demands to be invited to the (eventual?) wedding.
Rachel and Patti then call the other Amy, who also talks about how great her date went with Damian. “Another Amy and another match,” Patti gushes.
In the office, Patti tells Damian that he’s “glowing.” Patti also compliments him for toning down the party scene.
So it’s a rare 2-0 episode for Patti and crew, and not a meltdown in sight.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “Dr. Chris has no more traces of relationship bitterness. He and Amy Jane are still going strong. They’re actually shopping for houses together.” And: “Damian and Amy are now a party of two. He plans to fly Amy out for frequent visits.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton (“The Red-Headed Mixer”)
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 6, Episode 12
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 28th, 2013
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Damian Guillot, Dr. Chris Patton
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Both millionaires have a crush on the same type of women – redheads! Although it’s not Patti’s favorite look, she embraces the red and even dons a wig herself to hold the Millionaire Club’s first all-red mixer! Patti’s first client is Damian Guillot, a boisterous 41-year-old art gallery owner from Aspen. Damian loves the party, but he’s going to have to slow down if he wants long-term love. Patti’s other client is recent divorcee Dr. Chris, who’s just about ready to get back into the dating pool. Will Patti be able to help Dr. Chris open his heart up to a new relationship and a new woman?