“They’re uptight and their face looks like leather.” – Randy Lehrman
To kick off Season 7 of The Millionaire Matchmaker, we learn that The Millionaire’s Club (still tragically with its apostrophe in the incorrect position) has new offices on the water in Los Angeles and with a completely new staff.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Long time staffers and show co-stars Destin Pfaff and Rachel Federoff have “left,” we’re told, with zero information given beyond that. Well well.
Now we have Justin, Marisa, and David. No last names provided, and all three are deemed “new assistants.” No mistaking who the true queen of the castle is here, kids.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: client intros
We then get into this episode’s clients, starting with Randy Lehrman, from West Hills, California. Lehrman runs a “mobile DJ” company, Real Genius Entertainment, that does entertainment for parties, like bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs.
At this, Patti chimes in with, “What is he, The Wedding Singer, Adam Sandler?” Marisa then adds that Randy is “really funny” and 40-years-old. However, she also relates that he tells people that he’s 30, and also taller than his actual height.
Randy’s video intro is neither interesting nor funny (and his constant repetition of his enjoyment of “blue humor” makes him even less so, if that’s possible). He does say that he likes flirting with women online, for which Patti dubs him the virtual phantom, where people “really just present a façade within the virtual realm.”
He also says that he doesn’t want to date anyway over the age of 30 because “they’re uptight and their face looks like leather.” So there’s that.
Meanwhile, the other client is Don Swayze, the iconic actor Patrick Swayze’s younger brother. Don Swayze is also a successful actor, and we learn from Patti that “he’s played an arms dealer, a wolf [on True Blood], really dark characters.”
“He looks like a bad ass,” Patti concludes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: Patti meets the clients
Patti heads to a place called Killer Shrimp to meet Don Swayze first. My first reaction to seeing Don is that he looks more Patrick Swayze than Patrick Swayze, almost like a caricature in human form of his tragically deceased brother.
It’s rare that Patti flatters her clients upon first meeting them, but in sitting down with Don, she gushes that she’s a True Blood “addict.” We also find out in a little montage that Don Swayze did a character arc in a gritty FX drama called The Bridge, which I watched every episode of back in the day.
Don Swayze tells us he’s an adrenaline junkie, into stuff like mountain biking and skydiving, yet ultimately, he’s pretty shy – unlike his much more charismatic and outgoing brother, he explains. Don also talks about how he stood by his brother’s side throughout his battle with cancer, so that alone makes us want to root for him to find love and happiness.
For the upcoming mixer, Patti reveals there will be a twist: Don will wear a mask so “no one will confuse him with his True Blood character.” No word on the potential Eyes Wide Shut-likeimplications.
Patti then meets up with Randy. And then in the little montage/backgrounder sequence, Randy reminds up that he only wants super young women because women over 30 are stuck up, likening it to having “the tampon in the wrong place.”
Randy reveals to Patti that his longest ever relationship was nine months, which is the most revealing thing we’ve learned about this 40-year-old dude so far.
Then, when Patti learns that Randy wouldn’t typically introduce himself to a hot woman at a bar, she tells him, “So basically you have a vagina and we need to create a penis.” She then likens his online dating habits to “living in a bubble.”
When Randy tells Patti that the sport he enjoys playing is softball, Patti says, “That’s very lesbian of you.”
Eventually, Randy grudgingly agrees to date women “30 and up” after Patti threatens to walk out over that deal point.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: the recruiting session & mixer
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- Christie has an unusual background: fashion designer and “former U.S. diplomat.” She’s a “nerdy type” who loves to read books, but honestly I got quite distracted by the fact that her high pitched voice sounds strikingly like Raquel/Rachel Leviss of Vanderpump Rules fame / #Scandoval infamy. Christie also lets us know that “readers are leaders.” Patti deems Christie “perfect” for Don.
- Rosemary is in real estate and is “at peace in her life.” Patti thinks she’s the right Kristen Wiig-type for Don.
- Jensi is a performance artist who is “nerdy but hot about it.” And by performance artist she let’s “strangers on the boardwalk paint her body.”
- Keeli is an administrative assistant who thinks Patti is an Emma Stone lookalike but tells her to ditch her glasses.
- Jessica is in ad sales who, like Randy, lives in West Hills.
- Overall, Patti laments how terrible everyone’s hair looks and plans to bring the Glam Squad in on the day of the mixer.
The mixer is a “masquerade mixer” so that the gals have their faces covered… slightly, I suppose, upon initially meeting the eligible gents. Oh, and the dudes also have kind of Batman style masks on as well.
Randy starts off being pretty insufferable at the mixer, performing like it’s a terrible vaudeville act. Thankfully, this is an example where we’re thrilled when Patti quickly sets her client straight.
More importantly, Don Swayze mentions to one of the ladies that he lives “near the Rose Bowl in Pasadena.” This immediately got my attention because so did I for many years! I biked, jogged, and walked around the 5k Rose Bowl loop countless times and always enjoyed it. And I happen to know that the neighborhood immediately around the Rose Bowl is both charming and pretty upscale, so it’s perfect for a Swayze sibling and working actor with legit IMDB credits.
For the mini-date round, Randy picks Jensi (“she seems fun”) and Jessica (“the one from the Valley”). And meanwhile, Don selects Jessica and Anne for much more substantive reasons: depth, personality, and initial connection.
As soon as Anne, an entrepreneur and tennis player, and Don started chatting, sans masks, I hoped that they’d explore a relationship. And meanwhile, I instantly hoped that Jensi and Jessica would run, not walk, from Randy.
In the end, Randy chooses Jessica to go out on a full blown master date with while more importantly for this viewer, Don selects the lovely and charming Anne.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: Don and Anne’s first date
Don sets up a date with Anne at a restaurant called Hostaria del Piccolo, where the executive chef, Gemano Minin, gives the couple a cooking lesson.
They start with piovra, which is Italian for octopus. Sidenote that I ate my weight in pulpo, Spanish for octopus, on a recent trip to Galicia, Spain.
Meanwhile, Anne feels early on that Don is paying more attention to Chef Minin than to her, but that might be because our dude is a bit shy and nervous due to being out of the dating game for a number of years.
After the lesson, the two sit down to eat the pizza that they cooked during the lesson. The conversation turns a little deeper, and Don opens up about the day he found out that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with cancer. Anne tells the camera that Don is a sweet, sensitive person and that she’s over her early vibe that they were not connecting during the cooking lesson.
Don ends up asking Anne out again near the end of the date, and Anne happily agrees.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: Randy and Jessica’s first date
Randy meets Jessica at a go kart spot in Burbank called Racer’s Edge. It’s possible that I’ve actually been to that location, but it was called K1 when I went there the one time.
Jessica seems into it, and taunts Randy to “eat my dust” as they start out on the race track. They also rented out the entire place for themselves, so that always helps.
After racing, Randy takes Jessica to a restaurant called Upper West in Santa Monica… whereupon Randy loses points with his date for failing to compliment her on the red dress that she’s changed into. Instead, Randy vamps into a bad British accent.
Later, Jessica tells the camera that she didn’t feel like he was actually interested in her and instead “rambled on about herself.” All of this delights me because I find Randy’s entire vibe to be pretty excruciating, and Jessica seems like a very nice and grounded young woman.
Randy asks Jessica out near the end of dinner, and she flatly responds with, “Maybe, who’s to say?”
Sidenote that I had a crush on a girl back in junior high school and eventually gathered up the courage to ask her out. She responded with, “Yes, no, maybe so.”
Spoiler alert: we never went out.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: post-dates upshot
Patti and Marisa call Anne, who says that she had a lot of fun and is excited to go out with him again, despite the early challenges with the cooking date. In the office, Patti encourages Don to not wait too long to pursue the second date, and Don good naturedly accepts the advice.
Jessica then stops by the office to relay “how wrong” the date went. She then tells Patti how uninterested Randy seemed, and that he was ungentlemanly overall. Randy then joins the group, whereupon Jessica blows up his spot.
Randy lamely says that his date with Jessica was not like “online dating,” and then Patti tells him that he has “no penis” and “doesn’t know what the f—” he’s doing.
Patti then instructs Randy through a lesson in asking Jessica out on a second date, and eventually she agrees… but it seems forced and awkward, frankly.
The end of episode captions then reveal: “Randy called Jessica the next day to try to set up their second date. Unfortunately, Jessica has not returned his call.” And: Don was able to conquer his shyness on his date. He’s looking forward to calling Anne to see her for a second time.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”: where are they now?
Don Swayze continues to pile up acting credits, guest starring on a slew of high-profile television shows in recent years, including Perry Mason, NCIS: Hawai’i, Magnum P.I., Lucifer, The Rookie, American Horror Story, and On Swift Horses.
According to Wikipedia, Swayze married Charlene Lindstrom in 2014, which is not very long after this episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker aired.
And Randy Lehrman is still involved with Real Genius Entertainment. I don’t feel like linking to any of his stuff, so forgive me there, please.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 7, Episode 1
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – December 5th, 2013
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Don Swayze, Randy Lehrman
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Patti is ecstatic to find out her first millionaire this week is actor Don Swayze. Don is Patrick Swayze’s brother and pretty well known for playing the “scary dude” on TV, he’s a Werewolf on “True Blood” and an Arms Dealer on “The Bridge”. Don hasn’t seriously dated since his brother passed away and is looking to get back in the saddle. Patti thinks a lot of women might be getting scared off by his tough façade. Will she find a way to get Don to show his “Softy Swayze” side? Patti’s second client is a party entertainer named Randy Lehrman. Randy lives his life in a bubble and sticks with dating girls he finds on the internet. Patti has her work cut out for her as she tries to teach Randy how to properly hunt and fish for a mate.