“I’m unique and other people can’t handle it.” – Ian Bernardo
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: client intros
Patti Stanger’s underling Justin introduces us to Jeff Ogden, 38, who played for the NFL’s Miami Dolphins for two years, we’re told.
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Which prompted me to do some research: Ogden played for four seasons as a wide receiver in the NFL – split between the Dolphins and the Dallas Cowboys – after playing college ball at Eastern Washington. He had 28 career receptions for 304 yards and one touchdown in his NFL career. So while it’s obviously super impressive that this guy played in the bigs, he’s a long, long way from being considered a star player.
His time at Dallas did coincide with Troy Aikman being the quarterback there, so that’s pretty cool. In both of the seasons that Ogden was with the Cowboys, the team lost in the wild card round of the playoffs.
Patti gets excited because she “knows her NFL” because it’s her “stomping grounds,” and it’s quite clear that she knows absolutely nothing about football.
Meanwhile, underling David introduces Ian Bernardo, 33, who is from New York and a “trust fund baby.” In his intro video, Ian tells us that he’s an art dealer and that his parents are worth $80 million.
“Oh, he’s so obnoxious,” Patti says.
“I luckily came out of the right uterus,” Ian adds.
Also: “I’m unique and other people can’t handle it.”
When Jeff Ogden appears in his intro video, on the other hand, both Patti and Marissa swoon and say in succession, “I knew it!” and “He’s hot!”
Ogden owns a fitness club in Texas these days and is worth $1.5 million. He prefers “well groomed” woman who “don’t have too much extra hair,” or some such.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: Patti meets the clients
Ian stops by the office and offers Patti a hug. Patti rebuffs him and says, “I don’t know you well enough to give you a hug.” Shortly after, she berates him for wearing sweats to meet her.
Ian tells us that he’s from New York, reiterates how insanely rich his parents are, and adds, “I’m a trust fund baby, so sue me.”
Ian is gay, and prefers “feminine men ‘cause I don’t like body hair.”
Ian admits at one point that people find him annoying, and he’s right. Example: “Let me tell you how I spell love: L.U.B.E.”
Patti feels that Ian is “putting up defensive walls to protect himself.”
“You’re on an island right now and no one is swimming to you,” she tells Ian.
“Staten Island?” Ian replies. I’ll admit this is kind of funny if you’re a New Yorker or familiar with NYC.
Then Ian gets into how he likes dating men who are “naïve” who he can “easily manipulate” and we’re back to kind of actively not liking this dude.
Patti then meets Jeff Ogden at a café, whereupon that we find out that the ex-football player is looking for a “curvy” type who “looks like a woman.” Soon, we also find out that Ogden has had a number of “crash and burn” relationships that haven’t lasted all that long. Patti calls him a “cliff diver” for this reason. She instead wants him to be a “surfer.”
I’m not really following this analogy, but it is making me hungry for some fish tacos for some reason.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: the recruiting session and mixer
Before the recruiting session, Patti brings in Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy fame to meet with Ian. Carson tells him that if you feel you don’t deserve someone good, you won’t find one. Ian finally ditches his annoying shtick (mostly) and agrees to dress up for the mixer, take it seriously, and yet still “be himself.”
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- Kelly, an Australian cheerleader, is commanded to do a cheer. She ends up doing a high leg kick which gets pixelated out for basic cable standards.
- Carson joins for Ian’s portion of the recruiting session. Patti refers to him as “my most difficult gay client”
- Phillip Nelson, 27, is asked by Patti, “Have you seen the sun?” due to his pale complexion. It turns out that his family in Texas disowned him for being gay. The panel ends up loving him, and Carson notes that he enjoys his “Amish chic” style.
- Rodger is a model who does YouTube videos of himself singing in his underwear, so of course a group of guys are commanded to strip to their underwear and shake it for Patti and team. Oh, the hurdles one must jump over to be on reality television and/or get set up with a prickly weirdo millionaire, I supposed.
At the mixer, Ian thinks he’s hilarious but in reality he’s just rude when he tells one guy that his art degree is “worth about as much as my MetroCard.” Later, he calls a table of guys “the united bottoms of Benetton.”
Easy to say when your parents have $80 million, my guy.
Jeff is 1,000% more polite with the ladies at the mixer, but it is a little odd when he “jokes” about having “too many concussions” after making what may have seemed like a harmless but lame joke about not knowing where Machu Pichu is. He seems like a decent guy so far, so we’ll cut him some slack here – and head injuries and CTE weren’t quite as much in the national conversation when this episode aired as those topics are today.
For the mini-date round, Jeff picks Katya, a “Jessica Beal type” and paralegal interested in taking over her dad’s law practice post-law school, and Melanie, a business owner of some sort who has a background as a gymnast. Both are potentially willing to move to Austin, which is important for Jeff.
And Ian selects Matt, who speaks Japanese (not that Ian would care, probably), and Phillip, the Amish chic guy who Carson adores.
While Jeff’s mini-dates are very standard fare, Ian is flat out rude to Matt, while he seems to bond with Phillip over their shared love of George Michael’s music. And then he tells Phillip, “the point of fat girls in school” is so you can cheat off of them.
This was the point where I actively began to hate Ian.
For the full-blown master date, Jeff opts for Melanie while Phillip’s fate was sealed in being chosen to go out on a date with Ian. “Fill me up!” Ian says.
Ughs, says we the audience.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: Ian and Phillip’s first date
Ian takes Phillip to Cirque School, which has the motto of For Anybody With Any Body.
Aloysa is their instructor that starts with bouncing up and down on a large exercise ball. They then work on partner moves that cirque performers do, and it looks really difficult even with Aloysa’s help and encouragement. Phillip handles things impressively even though it looks like an awful choice for a first date.
Phillip is so good natured, in fact, that Ian tells the camera that Phillip is “like an angel” which he “hates,” because “I’m an evil, horrible person.” It’s really hard to tell where the line attempted comedy versus foiled sabotage here is, and it’s slightly unsettling and gross.
Over dinner, Ian presses Phillip for things he doesn’t like in a seeming attempt to break through his genuine-seeming positive and upbeat nature. Phillip tells the camera that when Ian is able to drop his guard “and have moments of sincerity, I could actually breathe.”
Which is another way of saying that the date is a complete nightmare, but in the nicest way possible.
“I know he wants to be positive,” Phillip continues. “He’s just scared.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: Jeff and Melanie’s first date
Jeff meets Melanie at the beach with flowers, before the two get a surfing lesson.
It’s Melanie’s first-time surfing, but she does well, likely due in part to her background as a gymnast. Jeff laughed while qualifying his performance as “awful,” while complimenting Melanie for nailing it.
After surfing, the two enjoy champagne on the beach on a spectacular-looking day. They discuss their recent dating history, and what they’re looking for out of their next relationship. Overall, it feels like a very solid first date, and their shared background in athletics is a plus for them.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: post-dates upshot
Patti and Justin call Melanie, who says her date with Jeff “went so good,” and that she wants to go out with him again. In the office, Jeff agrees that the date was indeed good, and that they are “in similar places in their lives,” and that it seems there’s the potential for real chemistry there.
What’s interesting here is that Patti does not berate Jeff nor even mention that he didn’t kiss Melanie at the end of the date and has not yet asked her out again. This reveals her bias in taking it much easier on her celebrity-ish clients (and pretty ish here, to be fair) versus the more run of the mill millionaires she works with.
Phillip gets called next by David and Patti. When Patti asks him if Ian was kind and caring on the date, it’s revealing that Phillip says “somewhat,” and then relays that he told Ian that he’s insecure. However, it’s a bummer for me that Phillip agrees to see Ian again “if he shows the sincerity that he did.”
Ian then stops by the office, wearing an odd “dating ninja” headband. Patti seems so irritated by Ian’s shtick and so thrilled that Phillip is actually willing to go out with this guy again, that she quickly offers him a hug and leaves it at that.
The end of episode captions then reveal: “Ian and Phillp have been in constant contact since they met in Los Angeles. Phillip plans on traveling to New York within the month to visit.” And: “Jeff Is planning on seeing Melanie the next time he is in Los Angeles. The cliff diver is avoiding the edge of the cliff for now.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden: where are they now?
I couldn’t find much about Ian or Jeff’s personal lives these days, but I did dig up Ian Bernardo’s recording of a cover song of Laura Branigan’s 1982 pop/disco classic, “Gloria.”
It’s bad. Like, super bad. Like he makes William Hung seem like Freddie Mercury bad.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Trust Fund Brat & The Cliffdiver”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 7, Episode 11
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – February 27th, 2014
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Ian Bernardo, Jeff Ogden
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Thirty-three year-old Ian Bernardo is an art dealer and a spoiled trust fund brat who lives in New York City. Ian stands to inherit tens of millions of dollars, but the one thing missing in his life is true love. Ian has come to Patti to find him a man. However, the walls he has put up – and his obnoxious behavior – prove to be a lot to handle, so Patti enlists the help of her friend, TV personality Carson Kressley. Will Patti and Carson be able to get Ian to be his true self so he might actually find a soul mate? Patti’s second millionaire this week is former NFL player, Jeff Ogden. Jeff is a 38-year-old entrepreneur who lives in Austin, Texas and owns a gym and a boot camp. Jeff has already been married twice – once for a month, and once for one day! Now he wants Patti’s help to find him “the real deal.” Patti calls him an “emotional cliffdiver” who needs to think first before jumping into another serious relationship. Can Patti get Jeff to change his approach with women so the third time’s a charm?