“Sometimes boobs come with a kangaroo pouch.” – John Bonavia
This edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker begins with Patti Stanger berating her new underling assistants for not “blogging” enough on the company website, and she actually threatens to fire them over this.
If you’ve been following Patti’s doings over many seasons, this is no shocker.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: client intros
Justin introduces John Bonavia, 29, a financial adviser, who is “making Hollywood his frat house.”
His problem, Justin assesses, is that he’s dating “all the wrong girls.” Or… “whores,” as Justin relays how Johnny Boy puts it.
In his intro video, John talks about how he’ll go out with women, have sex with them, and then “it’s hard to take them seriously.” He then goes on to say he’ll be out with a woman and think to himself, “Wow, what a whore!”
The erudite Mr. Bonavia continues by saying that he’s a “butt man” because “sometimes boobs come with a kangaroo pouch.”
Be that as it may, John is now ready to find true love and start a new chapter in his life. In theory.
Meanwhile, the gang checks out the video intro from David Epstein, 43, next. David is a “cosmetic and implant dentist,” but I got distracted at this point because he looks like a younger version of Robert Knepper, a great character actor who has been on TV shows such as Prison Break and Heroes.
David is Jewish, lives in San Franciso, and loves to ski. He was engaged in the past and it didn’t work out, and now he’s looking for true love.
When Patti learns that David is “afraid” to meet her, she immediately labels both of her clients a “pain in the ass.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: Patti meets the clients
John stops by The Millionaire’s Club office, and Patti quickly digs into his past relationships.
He admits that he has been “immature” in relationships in the past, and in fact cheated on his last serious girlfriend.
Patti assesses that John is a “frat boy” who “never listens” and orders him to “grow up.” It’s moments like this where Patti’s blunt proclamations actually work pretty well, though whether or not our guy John will listen remains to be seen.
Meanwhile, when Patti meets David, we learn that his last relationship (when he was 40 years old) ended because he wasn’t ready to be an “insta-dad.” When Patti probes deeper and learns that David’s parents were also turned off by his ex’s “family problems,” she derisively concludes that David is controlled by being “afraid of what mommy thought.”
“If you let women rule you, you will end up with someone exactly like your mother,” she tells him.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: the recruiting session and mixer
Highlights of the recruiting session include:
- Georgia, a ballet dancer, announced that she can “lick her elbows” and then was invited to do so.
- Tiffany Cohen, who is both Jewish and Catholic, quipped that she’s a “Cashew”
- Jennifer both is in sales (neckties for dogs, specifically) and is also a dancer for the Los Angeles Clippers. After she performed a little dance routine, Patti announced that Jennifer “just gave him a boner,” referring to underling assistant Justin.
Patti made an enormous deal throughout the episode that this would be a special mixer in which the clients make their own little pitch to all the women as a group. While John gives a super smooth (read = slick) salesman’s pitch, David got pretty nervous during his but got through it.
During the mixer, Patti seethes with annoyance at how David interacts with the ladies. “Tell him to have a personality,” she commands underling assistant Marisa.
The mini-date round wasn’t particularly interesting, so I’ll skip a recap of it. David has a tough time choosing who to select between the two women he chatted with and after Patti gives hi a hard time about it, advises him that, “It comes from your gut and your peepee.”
In the end, John picks Katrina, a swimwear designer who showed up to the recruiting session in a bikni, while David opts for Leslie, a TV news reporter with whom the two discussed their shared Jewish heritage during the mini-date.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: John and Katrina’s first date
John has Katrina meet him for a tennis date at the Toluca Lake Tennis Club.
It’s Katrina’s first time ever playing tennis, so she starts out with tennis pro Chris giving her a lesson. She does well enough that the couple is able to hit the ball back and forth a little bit, and both seem to enjoy themselves.
Over lunch, John started out dominating the conversation but eventually relaxed and the two discussed travel (Katrina has never been outside of the U.S.) and family (John’s parents are remarried).
John comes across as a little slick here, but overall he’s way more polite and well mannered than how he came across in his intro video for The Millionaire’s Club.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: David and Leslie’s first date
Meanwhile, we go from tennis to golf for David and Leslie, which Leslie has taken up recently.
David shows a sense of confidence in getting close to his date to teach her some basics, and the two have a good time while getting through the course.
Dinner is in a romantic outdoor space on the golf grounds. David talks about his love for “heli-skiing,” where a helicopter will drop you off on a mountainside. Leslie recognizes that David is an “adrenaline junkie,” and it’s not clear where that sits with her. They also discuss wine tasting and how beautiful Napa in northern California is.
By the end of the date, David asks her out on a second date, and Leslie happily accepts.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: post-dates upshot
Justin and Patti call Katrina first, who relays that John was a “complete gentleman” and not a “frat brat.” She also reveals that they have plans to go see a Los Angles Lakers game. In the office, John says that he likes Katrina, and that he was “real” with her during the date.
Patti and Marisa call Leslie next. She said she felt comfortable on the date, but there was no kiss on the end, but they have plans for a second date. Via video chat, David then says that he had a “blast.” Patti encourages him to lock in second date plans right away.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “John and Katrina have been out several times since Patti set them up. Katrina ius helping the ‘Frat Brat’ grow up and settle down.” And: “David has conquered his fears and flown Leslie to San Francisco to visit. They’re planning a weekend together in Napa Valley.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein: where are they now?
Major news about John Bonavia circa 2015: he was arrested on accusations of “attacking a woman in a Beverly Hills home.”
Police said when they went to the door, officers encountered an uncooperative male. They believed a woman was in distress inside, so officers kicked the door open, and that’s when they say they found a woman with significant facial and upper-body injuries.
Bonavia, a financial adviser, was a contestant on Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker” in 2014. He is now being held without bail at the Men’s Central Jail in downtown Los Angeles.
The following year, he was “sentenced to five years in prison for brutally beating a woman and leaving her bruised and covered in blood,” via the Daily Mail.
And via TMZ, “The victim’s physical state was such that the 30-year-old man was initially charged with attempted murder.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Frat Brat and Numb with Fear”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 7, Episode 14
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 20th, 2014
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, John Bonavia, David Epstein
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Twenty-nine-year-old John Bonavia is a California financial advisor. For the past several years, John has been living a wealthy frat boy’s life in Hollywood with his rich buddies. Now that he is turning 30, he wants to settle down and have a family. Can Patti get John to turn off his frat boy antics and act like a grown man long enough to find a future wife? Patti’s second millionaire this week is 43-year-old David Epstein. David is a cosmetic dentist who lives in San Francisco. David wants to find a wife, but an underlying fear of what his mother thinks has prevented him from finding a soulmate. Patti has to get David to face his fears and be himself so he can find the love of his life.