“Jesus be a bowling ball!” – Melyssa Ford
In this premiere episode of the final season of The Millionaire Matchmaker, the long running trashtastic dating show gets a glossy reality TV makeover so that it feels like something closer to modern day (gloriously trashtastic) fare such as Netflix’s Love Is Blind in terms of its production value.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
“Dating for me is the bane of my existence,” Melyssa Ford, reality star of Blood, Sweat, and Heels, and real estate agent, tells the camera.
She adds that she’s introverted, introspective, “and really a nerd,” while laughing.
New to Patti Stanger’s crew this season: Candace, director of recruiting, who Patti describes as a love coach, a life coach, and a lawyer. Okay then, I guess? Underling David is also back because “he kept coming up with new ideas,” so he got promoted from underling to “director of matchmaking.”
The other underlings from last season are gone without even so much as a mention. And no mention at all of the long-departed Destin and Rachel (nor their very unfortunately named child, Sin).
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: Patti meets the clients
Instead of the video intro segment that typically fronts episodes, Patti meets up with Melyssa at a restaurant.
We learn that Melyssa is selling real estate in New York City these days, specifically luxury rentals and sales. She thinks she hasn’t yet settled down because she has high standards and is looking for someone to “Bonnie and Clyde it with,” which I suppose we can translate as finding a life partner in crime.
Patti tells Melyssa that she needs to “nix the vixen,” which I’m not really sure what that means but seems to have something to do with needing to not lead with one’s sexuality (however that might be defined) when beginning the dating process.
Patti then continues to speak in oddball metaphors, talking about “Miss Sexy living on a pillow on her bed in her lingerie,” and I stopped paying attention.
The next title card introduces us to Larry Birkhead, 38, from Louisville, Kentucky. Larry says that he’s shy when it comes to dating but is confident that Patti can help to find him love.
Larry talks about moving to California when he met “Anna Nicole,” and now is a father these days to his daughter, a girl named Dannielynn back in Kentucky.
He splits his time between being a photographer and working on “the estate,” where he handles “merchandising memorabilia and things that Anna was working on before she passed.”
What’s treated lightly here is that Anna Nicole refers to Anna Nicole Smith, who is best known as a former Playboy model who, at the age of 26, married 89-year-old billionaire J. Howard Marshall. Smith later appeared on a reality show called The Anna Nicole Show, which was one of the earlier modern reality TV docuseries focused on celebrities or other people of theoretical interest. She died at the age of 39 of a drug overdose.
With regard to Danielynn, via Wikipedia, Smith’s attorney, Howard K. Stern (not the radio broadcasting and “king of all media” Howard Stern), claimed paternity of the girl (in addition to a longtime romantic relationship with Anna Nicole Smith). Wikipedia references Larry Birkhead as an “entertainment photographer” who also claimed he was the father and eventually was able to take custody of Danielynn.
Larry tells Patti that it’s been eight years since Anna Nicole passed away, and that she’d just want him to be happy in terms of who he ends up with next. Patti also presses Larry on whether his house is a “shrine” to Anna Nicole Smith. She’s also concerned that he’s “living in the past” with regard to his talk of working on the estate and managing “her image constantly,” as he puts it.
In addition to Danielynn, Larry also lives with his sister and her daughter, his nephew, and his mother. A lot for someone new to Larry’s life to figure out, for sure. Larry also talks about how he’s focused a lot on his work and his family, so he hasn’t had much time for love.
Patti terms Larry a “care bear” who need to become a “hunter” in getting back in the dating pool.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: the recruiting session and mixer
Highlights from the recruiting session include:
- In a break from past seasons, the recruiting session is set up as a cocktail party instead of an interview panel style. It’s unclear why they made this change.
- Patti tells a group of women that the guy she’s looking to hook them up with has a “shrine” to a deceased woman in his house and also lives with a bunch of members of his family. Sign on up, ladies!
- Patrick, a songwriter, is asked to sing, and when he does Patti does a little awkward bounce to our guy’s voice (which is quite good, by the way).
- We find out that Amy is a witch in an LA coven. Patti focuses more on the fact that she’s not into kids, so she’s a no go for Larry.
- For reasons that remain unclear, Patti tells a guy named Joe that he “serves the cock and not the vagina.”
- She also gets into an argument with Marshall, a personal trainer, after finding out that he had sex the previous night. “Don’t judge me,” he tells her.
- Patti occasionally announces, “I like you!” with people she’s chatting with.
Also new this season: the recruiting session-meets-cocktail party transitions directly into the mixer… but for Melyssa only. Patti wants to directly set up Larry on a blind date while a handpicked group of men will hang out with Melyssa so that she can decide who she wants to date.
After seven seasons of The Millionaire Matchmaker, this is a pretty odd changeup. Also odd bordering on awkward: cutting back and forth from Candace and Patti giving Larry dating tips at the bar – including role playing meeting women – with Melyssa enduring the stressful scenario of talking to a single group of dudes for a lengthy period of time.
Finally, Melyssa confers with Patti and says that she really likes Rob, a fellow Canadian from Calgary, and Jay, who owns a fitness business.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: Larry and Michelle’s first date
Adding to the weirdness of this season: Larry is sent to a crowded area of Universal Studios with a bouquet of flowers to seek out his blind date, and he doesn’t even know what she looks like.
Finally, he finds Michelle, a fitness coach with two kids who had told Patti that she’d be open to moving to Kentucky if she found the right person.
“You’re my date, right?” he asks her.
Michelle knew a bit about Larry and how he had “to fight to get his daughter back,” and was pleasantly surprised that she gets to go on a date with him. They’re both obviously mature and family oriented, which puts them in a different place than many of the people who have appeared on The Millionaire Matchmaker in the past.
Sidenote here that I’m a massive pop culture fan, and after living in southern California for many years, I finally took my mom – who was in town visiting – to Universal Studios one time as I was curious to go on the famous studio tour. I must say that I was pretty disappointed with it overall, but then again I’m not much of a fan for touristy pursuits all told.
It’s nice that the couple seems to have an easy rapport and that they’re able to have fun and relax with each other as well.
At dinner, Larry and Michelle discuss their kids and plans for the future. Things lead up to them doing the move from Lady and the Tramp where they both eat from an opposite end of a string of spaghetti to meet in the middle and share a kiss.
Larry separately tells the camera that he’s happy that Patti helped him to come out of his shell so that he was able to engage with Michelle during their date.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: Melyssa and Jay’s first date
We get the reveal that Melyssa chose Jay when she meets him at the top of an escalator, he with a bouquet of flowers for her in hand.
Melyssa tells the camera that she likes his “megawatt smile,” and she’s also impressed that he recalled that she said that she enjoys bowling, so that is the focus of their date. She enjoys bowling, but it seems that she’s not very good at it, so it becomes the grist for lots of comedy between the two. “Jesus be a bowling ball!” she announces at one point.
“I feel like that there is extreme chemistry between me and Melyssa,” Jay tells the camera.
Dinner is at a restaurant called Palm, where Melyssa talks about how her love for cigars helps connect her to the memory of her deceased father. Jay also shares that his dad has been there for him but also deals with his own demons.
Out on the patio, Melyssa gives Jay a lesson on how to smoke a cigar, and he tells her that she’s sexy. Soon after, they have their first kiss.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: post-dates upshot
Patti and David call Jay, who says that his date with Melyssa was “incredible.” Via video chat, Melyssa agrees that the date was great. Patti asks her if she “got a little wet downstairs,” which… I’m just going to leave alone.
As the two live on different coasts, they have plans to have a second date in New York. She also says that the “vix was nixed.”
Candace and Patti then call Michelle, who relays that the date was great, with a second in the works. In the office, Larry provides more details about the date. When Patti asks if he “let go of the care bear,” Larry reveals that he went past that and was “Jaws.”
“It was a great experience,” he concludes.
So it’s a 2-0 episode to kick off the final season of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “Larry has broken his shy guy habit. He talks to Michelle several times a week and is planning a trip back to L.A. to see her.” And: “Melyssa returned to New York City, vowing to listen to Patti’s advice. She met a handsome ‘Regular Joe’ who values her brain. They are now an item.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: where are they now?
Melyssa Ford was involved in a “horrific car crash with an 18-wheeler truck” in 2018 (link here), though she appears to be fine these days, as she has several recent acting credits, including a TV movie called Hunting Housewives in 2024.
Via this piece, “Larry Birkhead lives a relatively quiet life with his daughter, Dannielynn, in Kentucky. Birkhead works as a photographer and real estate agent.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 8, Episode 1
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Dating Shows, Reality TV, Trashtastic TV
AIR DATE – December 7th, 2014
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – In the season premiere, Patti is excited to work with Larry Birkhead, the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn. Patti’s second client this week is Melyssa Ford, star of Bravo’s “Blood, Sweat & Heels” and former music video vixen.