“Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy
The most interesting thing about this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker is that it actually managed to pair up two couples that genuinely appeared to care about each other and seem potentially headed for some kind of substantive relationship.
The bad news is that the lack of a train wreck factor subdued some of the rubber neck-y factor that the show brings. But still, perhaps we can think of it like a sorbet served at a fine restaurant between courses: a palette cleanser for the insanity that must surely lie in episodes to come.
We have both a male and female millionaire this week, in keeping with the show’s inclination to lace more female love seekers into the equation of late. The male part of the duo is one PJ Marks, a 42-year old man-child who somehow managed to parlay a wakeboarding school into enough money to retire to an island. During the introductory video interview, Patti Stanger fixates immediately on his age, using an if/then statement to prove her point: “If he’s 42-years old I’m friggin’ 10, okay?” For emphasis she then adds, “Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa!” Things don’t get that much rosier when PJ comes to the office in person, and it’s obvious that Patti isn’t digging his laid back and aloof Island Guy vibe. “You seem a little disconnected in some ways. Do you smoke weed?” She asks. Busted, all PJ can respond with is, “Connect the dots.”
Patti does “something she’s never done before” and calls a personal friend that she thinks will be perfect for him (as a punishment, we’re wondering?). At the meat market / meet-and-greet that Patti and co. sets up, PJ impresses her by selecting two 40-something women (including her friend Amy) and not the “bait” 20-somethings that she had planted to see if he was serious about finding someone age appropriate. She’s thrilled yet again when he selects Amy for the full blown date after the “mini-date” round.
Amy is a Florida gal and loves the water, which aligns well with PJ’s location and interests. However, he defies Patti’s orders and takes her on a first date boating and wakeboarding out in The Hamptons. Out on the water, Amy is miserable and shaking at the prospect of locking her feet into the wakeboard and getting hauled by the speedboat, so she ends up watching PJ enjoy his hobby… on their first date. They then move on to a picnic on the beach, where it proceeds to rain. After Amy drops several anchor-sized hints that she’s getting drenched, stoner PJ finally gets the point and gets off his bottom so they can move inside. The amazing thing is that after all of this, she seems to be head-over-heels for his “charm” and agrees to a second date. “You’re a sport,” he tells her. I guess Patti does have bizarro matchmaker intuition of some kind.
Next, we have our female millionaire, or “millionaires,” as Patti calls her breed. She’s Cindy Guyer, 45, divorced, and referred to as “literally the female Fabio,” a model who has appeared on the cover of hundreds of romance novels. Patti takes an immediate liking to her and it’s easy to see why: she appears to be a genuine person looking for love (does this have anything to do with this season’s location in New York and not LA? Hmm…) and free of the insanity and ego inflation of many of her clients. At the cocktail party, she selects Mike, a Long Island native who runs a security company. She likes him despite the fact that he kind of choked up and didn’t have a lot to say during their mini-date, and she thought that it was a cute attribute. In addition, she was attracted to his chivalrous intentions, likening him to a “knight in shining armor.”
Unlike PJ, Mike pulls out the class for his first date with Cindy, meeting her with roses in Central Park next to a horse and carriage. It’s one of the sweetest first dates that I’ve seen on the show. Both Cindy and Mike seem a) like genuine people and b) to be genuinely into one another. Mike does well in creating a romantic atmosphere without going over the top, such as setting up a little string trio to play for them in Central Park on a beautiful New York City day. Cindy drops the fact that she did a Playboy photo shoot some years back while the couple eats dinner, but it turns out to be an early sign that these two can legitimately confide in each other freely as opposed to it being a buzz kill. It wasn’t a surprise at all that the couple is still dating, as we find out at episode’s end. And in fact this is the first time I can remember in watching The Millionaire Matchmaker that I was “rooting” for a couple to have a long lasting relationship.
More thoughts on this edition of matchmaking action:
- The opening segment once again forms as infomercial-within-infomercial for the Patti Stanger brand, with Patti multi-tasking in getting her mani/pedi at the John Barrett spa at Bergdorf Goodman while consulting with someone named Andrea on how to meet men in New York City.
- Rachel gets promoted to VP of Matchmaking. I love how the employees on Patti’s tiny staff get overblown titles. In fact, I’m going to appoint myself as Revered Leader of TV Geek Army. Oh wait… I already did. </li>
- “I don’t want to f—- you. You need to be f—able to me, and me first before anyone else because I’m the hardest force field to penetrate.” – Patti to Sommelier dude during matchmaking interviews
- I like Destin referring to PJ’s “shaggy, graying, skunk-like” hair.
- “Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy. I guess she didn’t do one that took place during the Revolutionary War as she had no idea who said, “One if by land, two if by sea.”
Random final thought on Patti’s relationships with her clients and her business: last week, she booted crazy Stacy out of her office and as a client (“F— you!” she added), which I thought was warranted. However, she also claims to have “an extremely high success rate” in finding lasting relationships for people who come to her help. I mention because it’s clear from the outset of this episode that she was pretty annoyed (as she often is) by PJ’s opening video interview, while she was sympathetic to Cindy’s plight. Patti added that she “really likes” Cindi and is therefore “willing to go the distance.”
The implication therefore is that she’s not willing to go the distance for clients that she doesn’t really like. How this relates to her purportedly legendary success as a matchmaker remains a mystery, but I note simply because these kinds of things delight and torment me and so therefore I feel obligated to report them to you, the good people of Earth (to paraphrase Yoko Ono).
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Cinderella and Moondoggie Walk into a Bar…”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 4, Episode 6
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, PJ Marks, Cindy Guyer
This review was originally published on TV Geek Army.