“I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” – Mike The Situation
The action picks up with Snooki still reeling from feeling like “she’s on the outcast” with her roommates after the truly wild events from Jersey Shore’s series premiere, “A New Family.” In fact, she tells her parents on the phone that she’s ready to move out.
Meanwhile, Mike The Situation has somehow situated himself back into Sammi Sweetheart’s good graces by making her eggs for breakfast (The Situation loved to cook and eat even back in his pre-Big Daddy Sitch days!), and admits that there’s an “attraction” between them.
Again: it’s seriously odd to see a hint of a budding relationship between Mike and Sammi – knowing that the Sammi and Ron Era is close at hand – at this very early point in the show.
Pauly D and Angelina head down to the Shore Store in the rain for their first real day of work. These two are an odd pair together, and the roommates’ work shifts are a nice way to split the cliques in the house up in different kinds of ways. It’s also really clear that Pauly D is a hard and diligent worker – even in doing stuff like selling t-shirts – which no doubt connects to his future massive success as DJ Pauly D.
“Angelina is a complainer, and I don’t think she really likes to work either,” Pauly D says, not unfairly. For her part, Angelina says, “This job is beneath me. I’m a bartender. I do, like, you know, great things.”
Danny seems like an amiable boss and nice guy, so it’s fun to see him smirking while trying to be hard on Angelina for being so obviously lazy and lethargic in her effort to sell t-shirts to Jersey Shore tourists.
Back at the house, Snooki feels “emotionally exhausted” and laments the fact that back at home, she’s the “Princess of Poughkipsee.” While that statement leaves me slightly eye roll-y, there’s a grounded and authentic quality there when she says, “I just feel like I’m not mature enough to be on my own right now,” and I’m reminded why Nicole evolves into one of the most likable stars in reality TV show history.
In one of her own most likable moments, Sammi sits Nicole down in an effort to build her “self-esteem” and convince her to stay on in Seaside Heights for the summer. Eventually, Snooki decides to tentatively stay on, and she says she’s back into hunting for “sexy guidos” mode.
Way before the concept of RSVP was conjured, the fellas hit the gym. The Situation advises us that if you want to look like The Situation, “you gotta get that protein in your diet.” On the drive back, we hear the first inkling that Ronnie is into Sammi. After noting, uh… what he “could have” done with “Shnickers” on the first night, Ron notes that he likes the way that Sammi “carries herself.”
In a confessional interview, Mike wonders if he might have “a little competition” from Ronnie when it comes to Sammi. Then he quickly chuckles and says, “Nah… I don’t.”
Mike and Sammi take the next shift at the Shore Store, and Sammi seems delighted that Mike makes sales with the ladies by first showing them his abs (e.g. “The Situation”), and then selling them pink booty shorts with “I Love The Situation” printed on them. Danny notes that he likes The Situation as well.
“I just have unbelievable mass appeal,” The Situation says of The Situation.
All the roommates gear up to hit the club, except for Mike and Sammi, who are stuck working at the Shore Store. Vinny and JWoww feel compelled to stop by the Store to tell them they’re heading out, which perturbs Mike.
It’s our first visit to the now iconic Jersey Shore club, Karma. This is one crew, guys and girls both, who enjoy getting their dance scene on. Vinny notes his displeasure at how flirty Angelina is getting with some of the guys at the club, being that she has a boyfriend back home.
I’ll take a moment to note here that much later in the show’s run, we learn that Vinny and Angelina had at least some knowledge of one another before Jersey Shore started taping – and that the two grew up quite close to one another on Staten Island – but we get no hint that they hadn’t just met with their arrival at the Jersey Shorehere.
Snooki gets friendly with a young man named Robbie, and decides to take him back to the Shore House. And then meanwhile, in another of those ohh… I forgot that this happened moments, Pauly D and JWoww start getting really flirty and touchy on the dancefloor, even with the latter having a boyfriend back at home.
Snooki and Robbie arrive on the Shore House’s rooftop hangout zone right as Mike is trying to sour any chances of Sammi getting together with Ronnie by talking trash about him behind his back. In this moment, the seeds of much to come are getting planted on the real. And then, wouldn’t you know it, Pauly’s flirtation with JWoww turns into straight up hooking up. “The party’s in Pauly D’s pants tonight,” he tells the camera with a grin. And Jenni grudgingly admits that she “technically” cheated on her boyfriend.
Robbie and Snooki curl up on the couch and… Robbie promptly passes out. “I want to make out, and you’re totally ignoring me,” poor Snooki laments. And that’s before Robbie starts hurling. To her credit, Snooki helps her guy get himself cleaned up and then she sees him home.
The next morning, the crew calls out Angelina for hanging out with a huge wrestler guy the previous night. Angelina denies that anything happened, but the fellas aren’t having it. “Angelina was just straight lying,” Mike says. “Whether you have a boyfriend or not, you add a little bit of liquor in that and wow, what’s up? You just cheated on your boyfriend.”
Vinny thinks that he has pink eye, which Dr. Ronnie quickly diagnoses with, “This is what you get for putting a fat girl’s ass in your face.” The drama comes in when Vinny needs to find someone to cover his shift at the Shore Store so that he can go to the doctor. In a bit of hilarious honesty, Angelina tells the camera, “I wanted to help him out, but I just didn’t wanna do it.” It turns out that Vinn’s case isn’t serious, so he’s cleared to go out with the roommates that very night.
Game on, as they say.
Which leads to the first appearance of Ronnie’s famous Ron-Ron Juice*! “It gets the night going,” he explains as he starts taking bottles and fruit out of the fridge. When Ron-Ron juice is involved, “it’s always a filthy night.”
* Much later, the Ron-Ron Juice would be enjoyed by members of the Spiral Squad, and after that, Ron-Ron Juice would be enjoyed by no one as Ron-Ron needed to get Sober-Sober.
“That’s the root of all evil,” Pauly D says, pointing to the blender.
Meanwhile, Mike extols the virtues of The Guido Handbook, which includes getting a haircut “the day of,” and looking super fresh in one’s shirt. This is still pre-GTL days, but the philosophy is developing.
Mike also proclaims that “it’s not a matter if I hook up with Sam, it’s when I decide.” It also seems very possible at this juncture that Mike is more interested in Sammi because Ronnie is interested in Sammi versus anything else.
Tonight’s club of choice: Bamboo: more dancing on the bar, more fist pumping, with Vinny donning protective shades for his mild case of the pink eye. Oh, and we get a shot of Mike kissing Sammi on the dancefloor, while Pauly D and Jenni are at the very least “vibing heavily.” Again, as this is only the second episode of Jersey Shore, all of this seems pretty bizarro world-y knowing what happens from here.
The Situation and Pauly D are both pretty cocky. The big difference between them is that Pauly is way more charming about it.
Well, and then cut to a) Sammi telling the camera that Ronnie is hot b) Sammi dancing with Ronnie at Bamboo and c) Hooking up with Ronnie… about 25 seconds of episode length after seeing her hooking up with Mike the very same night.
“Like, we were both feeling it,” Sammi says.
“That’s like a whole drama situation there,” Pauly notes.
And if that’s not enough, Mike saw it happen. You can’t make this stuff up. Only on the Jersey Shore, indeed.
“I saw you with Ronnie,” Sitch tells her.
Sammi is zero percent apologetic, says that she’s not “tied down to anyone,” and then calls Mike “a little bitch.” I’ll note that this is after she got very upset that Mike got into the hot tub with other guys and some new female friends on the first night.
“We were nothing,” she concludes.
Mike’s ego shield, clearly cracking just a bit, says, “You made your own bed.”
And then we get our first fight with randos on the Jersey Shore. It’ll be far from the last. Pauly D is proud that he gets a “clean right cross” in on one kid. “It only takes nine pounds of pressure to break a nose,” he says, with a glint in his eye.
The boys get kicked out of Bamboo, but always ones to turn a challenge into an opportunity, they pick up some girls outside and bring them back to the house.
Sammi and Mike have whatever you might call an official break up in this… situation back at the house, with Mike hooking up with one of his new friends moments before to seal the deal. Ronnie and Sammi feel truly like A Couple at this moment and from this moment forward… with lots of chaos coming for those crazy kids. The two bond over Sammi’s “crushing” of Mike while cuddling later.
And speaking of chaos! Chaos agent Angelina feels compelled to tell off the “whores” that the fellas brought to the Shore House roof, simply because, she admits, she enjoys being a “cock block.”
“Why are you such a hater?” Mike asks.
“If a girl’s a slut, she deserves to be abused,” Angelina tells the camera in an exquisite articulation of what it means to slut shame a woman.
Mike goes to sleep alone, and we cut to the credits.
Jersey Shore re-watch Duck Phone Quack Rating for “The Tanned Triangle”
With each episode for the Jersey Shore re-watch, I’m going to rate it on a scale of one to five duck phone quacks, with one meaning kind of boring and forgettable, and five meaning super insane or otherwise crazy memorable.
After the wild series premiere, things settle down a bit in this one, with the Major Plot Point coming from Ronnie and Sammi coupling up. I’m giving it three out of five duck phone quacks.
About the Jersey Shore re-watch
I’m a massive Jersey Shore fan, as can be seen by its inclusion on Pop Thruster’s Best 100 TV Shows Ever list. Therefore, I thought it would be fun to revisit the entire series, one episode at a time, and report my findings along route (maybe when I’m done, I’ll attempt to do the Jersey Turnpike? Might be bad for my back, but I’ll give it a shot!).
Important note: As a Long Island, New York native (homeland of JWoww!), I’ve long believed that Long Island and Jersey have a cultural kinship. I knew people in high school who were perhaps not as charismatic as the Jersey Shore cast, but certainly shared some of the same traits and overall vibe. I mention this because I truly believe that Jersey Shore is a show that can often be laughed *at* and *with* at the same time, and it’s one of the reasons that makes it a special reality TV show.
Some stats and info about Jersey Shore, “The Tanned Triangle”
TV SHOW – Jersey Shore
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 1, Episode 2
AIRED ON – December 3rd, 2009
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – MTV
HULU DESCRIPTION – Still feeling like the outcast, Snooki tells the others that she’s leaving the Shore. And the roommates’ first night out at the club gets flirty, proving that the boyfriends back home might have something to worry about.
GENRE – Reality TV, Docuseries, Trashtastic TV, Comedy
CREATED BY – Anthony Beltempo, SallyAnn Salsano
CAST – Paul “Pauly D” DelVecchio,Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Ronnie Magro, Vinny Guadagnino, Deena Nicole Cortese, Angelina Pivarnick