“He had a baby with a Hooter’s waitress.” – Robin Kassner
This edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker opens with The Four Agreements author, Don Miguel Ruiz, sitting down with Patti Stanger to talk about her love life. His advice seems to be, “Figure out a way to be happy and then other people will be attracted to you.”
Guess I don’t need to read the book now, thanks Don Miguel!
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: client intros
Destin cuts right to the chase: “Hello Kitty’s back.”
Destin of course is talking about Robin Kassner, first featured in the Season 4 Millionaire Matchmaker episode, “Hello Kitty In A One Horse Town”:
First up to bat is Robin Kassner, 33, a publicist who owns a PR firm. Destin describes her as a lover of Hello Kitty and also that she’s “chunky.” Not cool, Destin. Plus, you could lose a few yourself, my guy.
The tl;dr (too long; didn’t read) of it is that Robin essentially tries to hustle up an escort-type situation with the much younger and attractive Luke.
Luke continues to pepper her with comments that strongly imply that he’s looking for a pretty transactional relationship, shall we say.
And then… Luke slides the convo back to how he’s in need of funding for his attempt to start a plumbing business. Robin for her part seems all in, and talks about supporting him via love… and with the gift of a Maserati.
It’s, uh… what’s the word for it? Weird. That’s my reaction here.
“This sounds like the perfect relationship” if Robin’s “not crazy,” Luke tells the camera.
Luke then tells Robin that he’s an “a—hole,” and Robin says, “I love a—holes. I wanna have sex with you.”
So Robin’s back, and Patti’s goal is to “authentify” her. Yes, authentify.
Meanwhile, doctor and lawyer and former Millionaire Matchmaker participant Bradley Kramer is the other client. Patti assesses that he “should be a huge catch, but he’s so full of himself and says all the wrong things.”
In Bradley’s intro video, we find out that he’s 37-years-old and originally from Chicago.
Patti’s reaction to the video: “his ears are large.” She also assesses that he’s cheap (because he doesn’t own a house), he’s narcissistic, and it’s “all about him.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: Patti meets the clients
Patti meets up with Robin at a beachside cantina. It’s hilarious right away when Robin tells the camera that she’s “willing to try” to allow Patti to find her a romantic partner after all that had gone down on “Hello Kitty In A One Horse Town.”
Oh, and she also reminds us that her number one goal for her man is to “have a penis.” And then she randomly mentions that she’s a rapper these days, and her new single is “dropping’” soon.
When Patti arrives, we get an update on Luke the plumber! “He had a baby with a Hooter’s waitress,” we learn.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Robin agrees with Patti that there’s a “more authentic version” of herself that wants to come out, but nothing we’ve seen from the updated Robin Kassner convinces us that that is even remotely true at this point.
Robin also assures Patti that this time around she actually wants “the man of her dreams” (who has an actual job and stuff and will “try to resist the hotties.”
And then Patti warns Robin to pass the “two drink maximum” guideline” at the upcoming mixer.
Over at Brad Kramer’s apartment in Brentwood, Brad tells us that he’s a “conservative guy” in terms of having a small-ish apartment and not spending money on flashy things (except for his luxury car). It doesn’t take long for Patti to call him Ebenezer Scrooge, and then emphasizes that he’ll never get “laid nor are you gonna get sucked” with that sort of stingy financial outlook.
It’s this right here that shows off one of Patti’s ugliest sides and messaging for people: money equates to the ability to attract a partner. Now, we all know that in the real world, ambition and success can be attractive, but it’s really not cool to frame it in this kind of way, even on an often silly and trashtastic reality TV show like The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Meanwhile, Patti also calls him for having a Jaguar, which is “leading with his dick,” in her view, with the idea to take women home to the “Holiday Inn.”
Brad mentions multiple times that he thinks he’s funny and wants a woman who can make him laugh.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: the recruiting session & mixer
Highlights of the recruiting included the following…
For Bradley:
- Sasha – a playboy model, takes care of her grandmother, and also… a dental assistant
- Chelsea – Jewish, a student into physical therapy, likes funny people, would date Jerry Seinfeld
- Jessica – 33, in marketing, Christian but would date outside her religion, likes nerds
- Amy – a student, into dancing (does a “flapper” / Charleston move for Patti and Destin), Patti calls her a “spitfire”
- Cheryl – a “cute little spinner” (one of Patti’s favorite descriptors), owner of a restaurant, Jewish, into movies and men with a sense of humor
- Jasmin – 31, an engineering program manager with a UC Irvine computer science degree, enjoys watching movies in bed
And for our Hello Kitty gal Robin, who has Channing Tatum as her “celebrity crush”
- Dev – 25 and 6 foot 7 inches, likes older women and runs a social shopping site
- Joe the wrestler – has a crazy beard, and says he has a “tongue like a harmonica” (ladies, look out…), Patti drops her pencil at hearing this
- Anthony – an exotic dancer, Patti wants hi as the test to see if he’s Luke the Plumber 2.0
- Scott – photographer, does commercials, has pirate earring, gets axed when he talks about how he’s into women who have money
- Garrett – former USC football player, lost 70 lbs recently
The mixer takes place in some kind of Indian restaurant in Los Angeles. The wrinkle this time around is that Patti is monitoring the mixer from another room with the ability to talk to Robin via earpiece, while Rachel and Destin are doing their normal thing, overseeing the proceedings.
Sidenote that Robin sips her white wine with a straw out of her wine glass, which is… interesting.
Meanwhile, Rachel and Destin advise Brad to stop trying to do a standup routine and actually try to interact with the ladies.
For the mini-date round, Robin picks Joe the wrestler and Dev AKA “Clarke Kent,” who could not look more unalike. And meanwhile Brad selects Esther, a professional comedian, and Nicole, a marketing director who went to Harvard, neither of whom had much if any screentime up until that moment. Patti’s assessments: she like Joe as “marriage material” for Robin, while she feels Bradley went “way out of his league.”
For the master dates, Bradley opts for Nicole – which feels like the better choice for him – while Robin goes with Dev, a very nice guy who is a thousand leaps up from Luke the Plumber but does not seem like a long-term match (on the basis of being much younger alone) versus the sweet and seemingly very interested Joe.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: Brad and Nicole’s first date
Brad takes Nicole to Sky Zone, an “indoor trampoline park” where, he explains, he knows the owner, Rick, a client for his legal practice. The two have some pleasant banter while tramping around the fun-looking indoor gym, but it’s hard to say if there’s much in the way of romantic chemistry at work in the early going.
At dinner, Brad compliments her on her “really nice teeth,” and Nicole bats back that that’s the first compliment he’s given her. She then tells him that sarcastic shtick is condescending and that he’s “full of it” and “seems really into himself (and to the camera she gets more aggressive: “he’s a prick”).
Right after that, on a strange note, Bradley tells Nicole that his gift to her is a $500 check to Hadassah, a Jewish charity. Nicole says that that’s the nicest thing Brad did on the date, so there’s that.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: Robin and Dev’s first date (or Robin and Joe, shall we say?)
Robin meets Dev at the corner of Hollywood & Vine in LA… or at least that’s her plan as we see her sipping bubbly in the back of a Star Line bus while waiting for him.
Eventually, Destin shows up, which is not a great sign. “Superman… we can’t find him anywhere,” she tells him. However, Patti and Destin cook up a “solution” to the problem in the form of Joe the wrestler. The proclaimed “real Superman” shows up with his weird beard, but also is wearing a tie and has flowers for Robin, which is sweet.
Robin doesn’t pretend to be thrilled with the circumstances, but at least doesn’t go completely off the rails as with her date with Luke the Plumber. And it seems like she didn’t take down 12 or more cocktails, so that’s also an upgrade.
Robin tells the camera that while Joe is very nice, she’s just not that attracted to him. At dinner, Joe tells her that he’s a great package, but that he’s “just wrapped in extra bubble wrap,” which makes her giggle in one of the most genuine moments that we’ve seen from Robin in two episodes of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Joe asks her out on a second date to shop at The Grove and gets a “yeah maybe” in response.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: post-dates upshot
Patti and Destin call Joe, who learn that there was no first kiss at the end of the date. In the office, Robin evades the question about whether she wants to see Joe again, even though she freely admits that he’s a great guy.
Meanwhile, she then quickly segues into that after her recent makeover and switch to being a brunette, she’s “feeling very intellectual” and into reading books and stuff. So Hello Kitty is still gonna Hello Kitty, in other words.
“I feel smart like you, Patti,” she says.
“You are hot, hot sexy brunette kitty,” Patti says, who is always a sucker for a compliment.
Nicole tells Patti and Rachel that Bradley is a “pain,” after which Brad stops by the office. Things go off the rails immediately, and when Brad slips and calls Patti Patsy, she flips out (even more).
When Brad stands up to leave and wishes his best, Patti stammers, saying, “Well aren’t you just the f—ing gentleman… loser.”
The end of episode credits then tell us: “Robin and Joe never went out again. Robin is on her way to getting her MNA and looking for love in bookstores.” And: “Bradley and Nicole did not see each other again. Bradley is out of the Millionaire’s Club and ready for another 400 dates to find the one.”
So an 0-2 effort from Patti and crew this time around, kids.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner”: where are they now?
Robin Kassner is most active these days on Instagram, it seems, including posts about a recent trip to Turks and Caicos. The biggest thing to pick up from her profile is that she’s a mom these days in addition to #lovinglife, so hopefully she has found happiness over the years.
LinkedIn also has her as the PR director of Haute PR for over 17 years as of this writing.
I don’t really care what Bradley Kramer is up to these days so no update on him!
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “The Return of Robin Kassner” (Robin Kassner & Bradley Kramer)
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 6, Episode 7
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – February 26th, 2013
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Robin Kassner, Bradley Kramer
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – “Hello Kitty” superfan Robin Kassner is back with her bleach blonde hair, but in order for Patti to take her seriously, she must go through a makeover to lose the blond and pink. Last time she was a client, she disobeyed all of Patti’s rules. Patti hopes Robin has learned, and promises that if she listens, she’ll have a chance at love. Both a Doctor and a Lawyer, Bradley dated one of the millionairesses this season (Stephanie Costa), and has now decided to take the plunge himself. But Patti, who didn’t like him the first time around, likes him even less this time when he won’t listen to even the simplest pieces of advice.