“I’m not perfect, but I’m picky.” – Steve Lobel
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: client intros
We open on the Millionaire’s Club crew chatting about their “blogs.” We know this because Patti Stanger says, “Okay guys, let’s talk about your blogs right now.”
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Which, as a longtime (some might even say ancient) blogger, I find hilarious as a thing to say.
Anyway, underling assistant Marisa introduces Client #1, which is Rachel Uchitel, a “nightclub promoter.”
Her name vaguely rang a bell for me, and when I read the below paragraph about her on Wikipedia, it made sense that she’s precisely the kind of person in our celebrity-drenched culture that might register in “vaguely rang a bell for me” territory:
Rachel Uchitel (/ˈjuːkɪtɛl/; born January 30, 1975)[2] is an American nightclub manager, hostess, and TV correspondent. She first encountered publicity when, following the September 11 attacks, a photo of her holding a picture of her fiancé, who worked in the World Trade Center, was published on the front page of the New York Post and circulated worldwide. She made headlines again in 2010 as one of golfer Tiger Woods‘ mistresses. In 2010, she appeared in the fourth season of the American reality television series Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Rachel currently hosts a weekly podcast ‘Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel’ which tops the charts weekly.
We learn that Uchitel is single with an 18-month-old baby but really wants to take this time to focus on her relationships… and do things like appearing on The Millionaire Matchmaker, I guess.
In her intro video, Rachel says that she can be “a lot” for some people. Patti terms her a “shredder,” someone who is an “alpha female” who “doesn’t give men a chance,” and also “goes through a lot of men quickly.”
Meanwhile, underling assistant David introduces Steve Lobel, who is a return client on The Millionaire Matchmaker (see: “Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop.”) Lobel is the Mr. Hip Hop of that pairing “who has worked with ‘everybody from, like, Tupac, Eazy-E, he hung out with Run-D.M.C.’”
“He looks like a Q-Tip from Queens,” Patti says of her bald white guy client, having zero idea of who the actual Q-Tip – who is from Manhattan – of A Tribe Called Quest and solo rap fame is.
We learn that Lobel’s relationship with Jessica – his date from the previous episode – didn’t pan out, and now the self-described Caucasian Jew with a hip hop lifestyle is back in the hunt looking for love.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: Patti meets the clients
Patti meets Steve in the music studio, or as he might say, “the lab.” Also there, his music engineer, Shaggy, his dad, and Krayzie Bone from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
Then Steve invites Patti to wrap along with Krayzie Bone, and my thoughts on this are that I needed to fast forward through this section of the episode.
Steve is now pushing 50 and very much wants to settle down and have kids. He’s also looking for a woman with a job who’s already “established.”
Patti meets Rachel at a café, and we meanwhile learn that Rachel is 38 and lives in New York City. She talks about how she’s really into being a mom these days and is also looking like a “man’s man” along the lines of a Jason Bateman type. A little bit of a curveball there with our guy JB, but sure?
Rachel tells Patti that her experience in losing her husband on 9/11 – she says that she was on the phone with him when the plane hit the Twin Tower he was in – and that it’s taught her to “live in the moment” from now on.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: the recruiting session
The gimmick with the recruiting session this time around is that Steve’s dad will sit in for his son’s portion while Steve gets to observe the goings on from a monitor in another room.
Highlights from Steve’s recruiting session include:
- Magdalena is a comedy producer who talks about her love of the “magic of the universe.” However, all Patti is interested in is asking her if her hair is “electrocuted,” and that she should invest in a push up bra for her “little baby tits.” Meanwhile, from the monitor Steve announces that she’s “playing with her boobs in that dress.”
- Masika is a business owner of Pinks, which redesigns tools specifically tailored for women’s hands.
- Allie is a marketing representative for Forever 21 who is connected with Steve’s interests in terms of enjoying going to the gun range and liking dogs.
- Jazmin is a cocktail server who recently appeared in a music video for Tyga, who Steve says he’s friends with.
Instead of a mixer, Patti simply has Steve choose who he wants to go out on a date with (which ties to my theory that The Millionaire Matchmaker is trimming down its budget at this point in the show’s cycle).
Steve takes some time to decide between Masika and Allie but finally lands on Allie.
“I’m not perfect, but I’m picky,” he adds.
Rachel’s recruiting session is set up the same way as Steve’s with her observing from a nearby room. Overall, it was less interesting, so I’ll cut to the chase and reveal that she chooses Brandon as her date, a sales rep and former Marine Seargeant who is also a marital black belt while at the same time possessing a genuinely sunny disposition.
He also really does have a Jason Bateman vibe too, so an impressive bit of recruiting from Patti’s underling assistants on this one, I must say.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: Steve and Allie’s first date
Steve has Allie meet her at a gun range to kick off their date. This could definitely go the wrong way with some people – especially with a blind date scenario – but Allie seems genuinely excited about the activity.
Steve tells Allie right off the bat that he liked her “stance” during the recruiting session and that she’s beautiful, so our guy isn’t shy. He also gets close with her in helping her adjust her gun sights, so perhaps he’s pretty familiar with the gun range as first date move.
Next up for these two is a visit to Gondola Getaway, which is a boat ride on an Italian gondola on the marine.
“I brought Venice, Italy to Long Beach, California so come on,” he tells her in his gruff voice. He then presents her with a bouquet of flowers and Allie calls him a “true gentleman” in response.
On board the gondola, Steve opens up a picnic basket and pours them both drinks into coffee mugs (which is rather smart for being out on the water).
Separately, Allie tells the camera that she’s freezing and seasick, but she’s being a trooper because Steve put so much effort into their date.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: Rachel and Brandon’s first date
While Steve opted for guns on his date, Brandon took the lead in going with bats – a batting range that is – for his date with Rachel (the boys pick out the dates on The Millionaire Matchmaker, it’s a whole thing).
They start off with Brandon throwing soft pitches in a batting cage, which is a good activity for them to start to get to know each other.
Rachel, who had been a bit guarded and apprehensive prior to the date, tells the camera that she’s enjoying herself more than she thought she would, and that Brandon is very cute.
Dinner is a place called the Water Grill in Santa Monica, where Rachel asks Brandon some probing questions about his relationship history and what he’s looking for next.
Rachel then tells Brandon that she typically becomes the “man” in the relationship, and she’s looking for someone who will take care of her and make her comfortable.
If Rachel is open to a relationship, Brandon seems game as he’s super affable and sweet with her.
“I know that I’m tough,” Rachel tells the camera. “But I want to give him a shot, and I think that I would be lucky to be with a guy that’s as genuine and sweet as he is.”
Interestingly, Rachel takes full initiative at the end of the date by laying a big-time kiss on Brandon.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel: post-dates upshot
Patti and Marisa call Allie, who says that the date was fun and romantic. However, she also says that Steve has not asked her out again as yet.
In the office, the “tough teddy bear” presents gifts to Patti. He then tells Patti that while he likes Allie, he’s not sure if he felt a connection with her.
Patti thinks that Steve is “still looking at the shiny object, the hot girl in the corner,” and that’s preventing him from finding true love.
David and Patti then call Brandon, who relays that the date went “really well.” Things quickly focus on the fact that Rachel kissed him at the end of the date. The two then call Rachel, who tells them that she needs to “find out if there was passion there,” and indeed she did end up enjoying the experience.
After they hang up with her, Patti says, “It sounds like Rachel is willing to go on a second date,” which leaves things on a far more ambiguous note than Patti and crew typically stand for by episode’s end.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “Steve and Allie have not seen each other again. Once the Tough Teddy Bear figures out what he really wants, he may return.” And: “Rachel and Brandon have been in touch, but have not seen each other. Rachel has learned that picking a nice guy isn’t the end of the world.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel (“Return of the Teddy Bear and The Shredder”)
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 7, Episode 16
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – April 3rd, 2014
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Steve Lobel, Rachel Uchitel
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Returning client Steve Lobel is a forty-eight-year-old music and entertainment manager who lives in Granada Hills, CA. Steve met with Patti back in 2012, and Patti dealt with softening Steve’s tough exterior to show the teddy bear that he really was. His first match didn’t work out, but Steve is ready to give love another shot. Can Patti hone Steve’s dating skills so that he can woo the woman of his dreams? Patti’s second millionaire is thirty-eight-year-old mother of one Rachel Uchitel. Rachel is a former VIP celebrity club hostess who has not had any success in finding love. Rachel lost her fiancé tragically and is ready to find love once again. Patti knows Rachel personally and says her Alpha energy causes her to shred through men looking for her soul mate. Will Patti get Rachel to stop being aggressive long enough to let a guy in her life?