“He is gonna end up in the nursing home alone, okay? Incontinent, unloved.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Harold Wrobel & Jeff Koz: client intros
We’re introduced to Harold Wrobel, who Patti Stanger tells us is in his 40s, has been part of her Millionaire’s Club for a year and a half, and keeps striking out with the ladies she finds for him because he insists on targeting women in their 20s.
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Even though the show doesn’t openly get into this, if you’re a keen watcher and super fan of The Millionaire Matchmaker, you can tell that this is the same Harold from the “Dave/Harold” episode from Season 1.
The episode ends on this note:
While driving away, Patti talks about how she thinks that Harold wants a woman that he can select like a customized car purchase.
The end of episode captions sequence corroborates Patti’s concerns: “Harold called Sarah to schedule their second date. She didn’t return his call. When Patti followed up, Sarah told her that Harold was a little too old. Harold has since dated other women from Patti’s service.”
“It’s like no one is good for him,” staffer Chelsea concludes.
Patti then pretends to call Harold – as in, the audience is expected to believe that she’s speaking to him – and announces that she and Chelsea are going to meet him and tell him what’s what, or some such. In essence, they’re going to find him yet more women to choose from.
Meanwhile, Destin introduces Jeff Koz, 48, brother of Dave Koz, “the famous jazz musician.” In his intro video, Jeff tells us that he owns a music production company, Hum Music, and that he received a Grammy nomination in 2003.
Jeff says he’s worth $7-$10 million, and what’s interesting about this is that you can piece together that a lot of that wealth comes from making music licensing deals to have music placed in TV commercials and stuff.
Destin says that Jeff is the “hopeless romantic type” and “really wants to take care of someone.” He’s also the father of two girls.
Meanwhile, Patti focuses on the fact that she thinks Jeff is short. “It’s so hard to fix up a short guy with a tall girl,” she whines. “Tall girls don’t want you!”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Harold Wrobel & Jeff Koz: Patti meets the clients
When Patti arrives at Jeff’s house, he serenades her with a song he wrote, singing “Patti, sweet, sweet Patti…” while playing the piano. Little does our guy Jeff know, it seems.
To be fair, the dude shows off immediately that he’s talented as a piano player, and likely a song writer as well.
Patti praises the performance while meanwhile separately she tells the camera that Jeff will be tough for her to find someone for because he’s short and because he’s “like an old comfortable shoe.”
On the way over to Harold’s place, Patti says that he’s 48 and that “he is gonna end up in the nursing home alone, okay? Incontinent, unloved.” This leads to her saying that Harold needs to date women closer to his own age.
When Patti meets Chelsea at Harold’s place and then Harold comes to the door, she tells him, “I don’t know if I should hug you, I’m mad at you.”
“Uh oh…” Harold says in a bland, unaffected tone.
I mention this exchange because it very much smacks of the way some people interact with each other in southern California, a region I lived in for many years.
Harold lives in an enormous mansion with a breathtaking view of the beach (it looks like his house is just off the Pacific Coast Highway) but it’s really more like a creepy mansion that’s dark inside and has hardly any furniture.
Harold tells Patti and Chelsea that his “ideal” woman is “still” in her mid-to-late 20s, or 20+ years younger than him. Things get contentious quickly, and then Harold storms away from the patio, saying, “Don’t sandbag me” and “I’m not your whipping boy, okay?”
We see Harold drinking a scotch and staring out the upstairs window for a while, and then he eventually returns outside. Eventually, he agrees to be “a little more focused.” I’m not really sure what that means, but that seems to constitute progress with Patti somehow.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: the recruiting session
The boys are set up to watch the recruiting session behind a two-way mirror this time around. The highlights include:
- Harold gets super irritated when Patti asks multiple women, “Would you date a 50-year-old man?” I find this to be quite amusing.
- Clearly the theme of the episode is Patti getting into it with Harold. It happens again when she asks him what he thinks of Michelle, a tall project manager for an advertising firm, who she really likes for him. When he lazily replies that she’s a “possibility,” Patti melts down a bit, and then tells the camera, “Dude what am I supposed to be doing man?”
- Then Harold tells Jeff, “I forgot to wear my bullet proof vest today.”
- Patti randomly tells Jeff at one point, “My body is not in your penis.”
Instead of a mixer, Patti decides that she’s going to send each client out on two dates – one that they choose and one that she chooses for them.
Jeff selects Brandi, a radio host who says she’s “not a big kid person,” which seems like a bad pick from the jump. Patti agrees, calling her an “actress, stripper, wannabe.” Patti’s pick for Jeff seems much more what Jeff should be going for in my view (it’s not super often that I agree with Patti, so I let to call out when I am!): Clarissa, a bubbly English teacher who went to Harvard and loves kids.
Meanwhile, Harold surprises Patti by opting for Michelle, the “possibility” I mention above, while Patti’s additional choice is Simone, an acting coach she likes because “she’s just as much a perfectionist as Harold.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: Harold Date #1: Clarissa
At an outdoor café, Clarissa tells Harvard about her passion for teaching. We then cut to Harold telling the camera that he finds her to be beautiful and “impressive” and that she’s “as pure as the driven snow.” The latter doesn’t seem to be a compliment in terms of what he’s looking for.
When she then tells him about her impressive accomplishments in being a ballet performer, he tells her, “I think you are an alien person.”
“I think she’s almost a little too goody goody,” Jeff concludes, before adding that she’s a “hot Mother Theresa.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: Jeff Date #1: Simone
At Bordello Grill, you can tell that Simone is trying really hard to engage with Jeff, asking questions in a friendly and very first date appropriate way, while Jeff is much more guarded and neutral in his approach.
It’s no shocker why he’s acting this way, but he soon reminds us in an interview that he’s not very interested in “women in their 30s.”
Meanwhile, in his actual date with a woman who in theory is in her 30s, Jeff quickly gets into defending why he likes dating women in their 20s, throwing in thoughts like, “I mean, just ‘cause I don’t want to settle.” If anyone finds Jeff’s behavior to be maddening here, the person writing these words very much agrees.
When Simone responds, “As long as you can get there someday, you know?” Jeff stares at her and then takes a sip from his glass.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: post-dates upshot, Part I
Patti calls Simone, who says, “I was a little bit surprised. There was an issue about the younger women.”
“Oh… the commitment-phobe,” Patti responds.
So then Patti, in her wisdom, decides to call in Joel, a “famous” hypnotherapist, to work with Harold. Remember when I mentioned above that I don’t agree with Patti super often. This is why.
I’m making a conscience choice to not describe the hypnotherapy scene, which I feel giddily empowered about.
Patti then meets Jeff at Panini Coffee, who tells her, “We had a very interesting date.” He then quickly adds that there was “no fire, no passion, no chemistry.”
“Did the penis get off the couch?” Patti then asks.
“We’re not talking about the penis today,” Jeff responds.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: Harold Date #2: Brandi
Brandi meets Jeff at his music recording studio. We know things are not kicking off into hyperspace immediately when we cut to Brandi telling the camera that Jeff is “a lot older and shorter than I normally would date.”
However, when Jeff tells her that he’s going to take her to Lake Tahoe, she at least pretends to light up about the notion.
Now in Lake Tahoe, the couple takes a ski lift up the mountainside. However, sparks are not flying as Jeff tells the camera that, “I don’t think I’m Brandi’s type,” which would be more along the lines of nine inches taller than him and covered in tattoos.
Over champagne at the top of the mountain, they do seem to get along very naturally, and Brandi does say that she appreciates his sense of humor… and the fact that “he’s, like, rented a whole mountain for our date.”
This all leads to Jeff’s next attempt at a power move: seeing his brother, Dave Koz, perform jazz at the Lake Tahoe Music Festival. We then see Jeff get called up on stage to perform a very “smooth jazz” number with his brother.
You can get a read on Brandi’s take on the entire experience when she talks about the “mature audience” who were in attendance with her at the concert.
Later, when Jeff moves in for a kiss, Brandi does the patented offer of her cheek move instead.
He shoots, he misses. It happens, my man.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: Jeff Date #2: Michelle
Jeff has Michelle over to his house, which is a power move because she soon tells the camera that she was in “awe” of it.
They’re served by a private caterer while they overlook the ocean on his deck, while they meanwhile talk about family and the challenges of dating in Los Angeles while having a child (Michelle has a four-year old son, which Jeff says he’s fine with).
Jeff is about 500% more engaged on this date and is thrilled that Michelle doesn’t mind at all when he reveals that he was behind the two-way mirror during the recruiting session.
Jeff tells the camera that he feels “like little kids, playing with each other” with Michelle, adding that there was none of the awkwardness he typically experiences on first dates with her.
“It was perfect, it was great, it was wonderful,” Michelle agrees. However, she goes onto say she felt like she was being swept off her feet, right up to the moment when Harold didn’t move in for a kiss while they watched a fireworks display (again, from his backyard), and then offered to show her the door with a “respectful peck on the lips.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Harold & Jeff”: post-dates upshot, Part II
Brandi meets Patti and crew in the office, and she immediately relays that there was “no chemistry” with Jeff, and that she usually dates younger, very tall men.
It’s very funny when Patti pointedly asks Brandi how old (33) and tall (5’4”) men and then just kind of stares at her with a really? vibe.
Brandi then emphasizes that for her, she likes “really really really attractive men, like maybe Johnny Depp.”
After Brandi leaves, Patti says, “If she’s 33, I’m 25.”
Chelsea then adds that Brandi is the kind of girl “who would go around the world in a tour bus.” I’m not sure what that means, but… sure, I guess?
Jeff then heads to the office later, who says that the date was great but there was no chemistry with Brandi. Patti tells him that he wants to “refine his picking needs” when it comes to women.
Next, Patti calls Michelle, who says the date with Harold went “really well,” but a “peck” was the only thing happening at the end. We then learn that while Harold asked for her number, he has yet to ask her out on another date.
Patti looks despondent and a little apoplectic in reaction to this.
In the office, Harold says that “I did like her,” but hasn’t called yet because it’s only been “two days” since the date.
“Three days,” Patti responds, prompting Harold to do the old count days with his fingers move in response, and then he kind of shrugs.
Patti then bullies Harold into calling Michelle in front of her, Chelsea, and Destin to ask her out on another date.
“I would love to,” Michelle says, once (finally) asked.
“There we go,” Harold replies.
“When?” Patti whisper-shouts.
Harold then says that he will follow up with the details.
What else can I write after that massive journey then… well there we go.
The end of episode captions then tell us: “Jeff is still looking for his soulmate. With Patti’s help, Jeff’s ‘picker’ is getting better every day.” And: “Harold took Michelle on a second date. And without another ‘dating intervention,’ they continue to pursue a relationship.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Harold & Jeff”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 2, Episode 4
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 6th, 2009
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Grammy nominated jazz musician Jeff, 49, joins the Millionaire’s Club in the wake of his recent divorce. Jeff’s desire for a wild woman prompts Patti to diagnose him with “Divorced-dad-itus,” an affliction that forces a man to make inappropriate dating choices. Returning for another go around with the Millionaire’s Club is last season’s lovable letch, Harold. For the past year, Chelsea has been trying to find a match for Harold, but Patti decides to take drastic measures to help Harold get over his narcissistic ways by giving him a “dating intervention.”
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV