“Kick him out, go go!” – Patti Stanger
Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas is introduced as “Age 43 – Atlanta, GA” on this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker. The first thing she tells us is that she’s “one-third of the super powerful girl group, TLC.”
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Then, as she tells us that she’s looking for a romantic partner who is loving and funny – and also, oddly, a “male version of myself” – a title card reads, “When love is hard to find, call Patti Stanger.”
This tells you much of what you need to know about what this show is trying to sell us.
If you’re trying to recall which member of TLC burned down NFL star Andre Rison’s house, by the way, that would be Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”: Patti meets the clients
While Patti is on the way to meet Chilli, the latter reminds us that TLC’s hits include “Baby Baby Baby,” “Waterfalls,” and “No Scrubs.” We see her talking to her publicist as a means, I suppose, to let us know that she and TLC are as busy as ever.
Then Chilli vamps into rap/singing, “I need some dick in my life!”
Chilli tells Patti that she hasn’t dated in a while, and that her last serious relationship was with hip hop star Usher. I got distracted here when Patti interrupts Chilli to inform her that everyone in “the entertainment, the music” (she uses air quotes for both of these for… emphasis, I guess?) are “dogs.”
Overall, Patti seems more caffeinated than usual, and this comes out again when she semi-berates Chilli for disagreeing that she has “a wall up” when it comes to pursuing romantic relationships.
This final season of The Millionaire Matchmaker is different and slightly odd in that it waits a decent way into the episode before introducing the second client. In any event, we get introduced to Jeff Ogden, 38, from Austin, Texas.
The Millionaire Matchmaker specializes in bringing in ex-NFL players who played for several years across a few different teams and who would only be recognized by superfans of those teams. Ogden is the perfect example of this, as he played wide receiver for four seasons (two with the Dallas Cowboys, two with the Miami Dolphins) and compiled a career total of 28 receptions for 304 yards and one total career touchdown.
Put Ogden on the elite end of The Millionaire Matchmaker pro athlete spectrum though as he also was a punt and kickoff returner, adding another touchdown to his resume in that role.
Ogden comes across as a down to earth, positive dude, and tells the camera, “There’s no better day than today to fall in love.”
With Ogden’s return to The Millionaire Matchmaker, it’s clear that his nascent relationship with Melanie (see: “The Trust Fund Brat & The Cliffdiver,” which focuses on Ogden and Ian Bernardo) didn’t go anywhere.
Jeff says that he’s now ready to get married and have kids. Patti’s advice: be genuine and “woo” the lady of his desire.
For reasons that might simply boil down some connection to the Bravo television network, Patti has former NBA star John Salley meet with Jeff to give him advice. The good news here though is that Salley has very JB Smoove energy.
This seemed like a throwaway segment to be at first, but I wound up appreciating how Salley laid out that Ogden is looking for “property” that fits his checklist of needs (good looking, is comfortable with his “celebrity,” is really into doing charity or non-profit work for some reason). “So stop looking at what she has to be,” he tells Jeff, “because you can’t expect anybody to be you.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”: the mixer
This final season of The Millionaire Matchmaker has ditched the standard recruiting session segment, and we cut directly to the mixer… where Patti then proceeds to interview potential dates for her clients in a cocktail party-like format.
Then, in one of the most preposterous statements in the show’s long history, Patti says, “Looks mean nothing – I look at energy.”
I mean, I could explain why this statement is preposterous, but it would send me down a rabbit hole that could be worthy of a dissertation, so let’s move on.
Patti asks a woman named Rachel what she does for a living, and Rachel replies that she works at “SUR Lounge.” I mention this only because the airdate of this episode is well into Season 2 of Vanderpump Rules – which centers on doings of the staff at the “sexy unique restaurant” in West Hollywood – but no mention of that Bravo sister show is made here.
The rest of the “interviews” are kind of boring, unless you’re interested in Patti ordering a group of dudes to show their abs because Chilli “is all about the abs,” or some such.
When Jeff and Chilli meet, it’s fun to see how diminutive the TLC member is compared to the tall former NFL wide receiver.
Also funny: when Patti tells a group of women that Jeff Ogden is a “famous NFL player.” Note: if you haven’t heard of the person… maybe they’re not that famous.
The only exception to that is that I’m a super famous reality TV show recapper, of course.
While Chilli chats with three of the guys, Patti looks on weirdly from behind a curtain and will pop out every now and again to instruct Chilli on how she should be conducting the conversation. I would find this super unnerving in what’s already an awkward situation.
Chilli is actually very smooth in chatting with the fellows, while Jeff is far stiffer in meeting with three of the ladies.
When it’s time to decide who to select for a full-blown date, Chilli is unsure but lands on Brian, a stunt driver with a “Chris Pine look.”
The editing in this episode is odd and choppy, and so it takes a while to figure out that Jeff chooses Giulini to be his date.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”: Chilli and Brian’s… and Felix’s first date
Another weird wrinkle: when Chilli and Brian meet at a café for their date, Patti and her staffers sit at a nearby table, looking on and listening in via monitor.
Brian stumbles early on in their conversation and finally lands on asking Chilli how her “stardom started.” Patti, from her remote table, derisively calls him a “little boy” while the others snidely agree. Thankfully, Chilli steps in and asks him about his openness to have kids.
However, Brian steps in it when he says he’s not really open to having more kids because he already has a daughter. This is contrary to what he had told Patti at the mixer, which causes Stanger to go thermonuclear*.
* And makes you seriously wonder too if this was known all along, thus bringing about the “wrinkle” of Patti sitting in on the date.
“He’s pulled out, we’re going!” Patti announces.
When she rolls up to Chilli and Brian’s table, she has the vibe of a scolding teacher. Quickly she segues to, “Kick him out, go go!”
Even more weirdly somehow, Patti “somehow” has Felix – an attorney from Poland – on site, who she then immediately slots in as Brian’s date replacement.
We then cut to Chilli and Felix going to LA’s famous Saddle Ranch bar, which has one of those electronic bull ride things. Side note here that I’ve been to the Saddle Ranch, located on the Sunset Strip, exactly once, on a bachelor party that I got pulled into at the last minute.
Anyway, the two seem to enjoy themselves with some bull riding and pool playing, and then sit down at a table, where they get served a massive cotton candy tower.
Chilli says that Felix is really fun and creative, as opposed to the “blah” Brian who she seems fine with dumping overboard.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”: Jeff and Giulini’s first date
True to form, Jeff takes Giulini on a date that’s focused on charity work, specifically LA Boy’s and Girl’s club, where there’s a large group of kids waiting for the couple at a school’s field on a sunny day.
Playing touch football with the excited kids looks like fun, and it’s a good way for Jeff and Giulini to get to know each other.
Next up, Jeff arranges a massage for Giulini, with the unique aspect that Jeff learns techniques from the professional masseuse and then takes over after a bit. This seems like the kind of first date move that could turn out to be a total disaster, but Giulini seems comfortable enough with Jeff to get into it.
Things then cut to something even more intimate: a shared bath replete with champagne. The two talk about their shared desire to have kids one day. After Giulini accuses Jeff of being shy, he successfully lands their first kiss.
Things end on her telling him that even his kiss was shy, however.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”: post-dates upshot
Patti and David call Chilli, who says that she enjoyed her date with Felix, but she “didn’t feel that real connection.” She says that she’s open to dating more people, which pleases Patti.
Note here that Patti always is far easier with her celebrity clients, and the more famous they are, the lighter her touch with them.
Giulini gets called next, who relays that she enjoyed the date but felt that Jeff was “too sensitive” at the end with regard to her joking around about wanting to see him again. It’s in the nuance of how she says, “I think I want to see him again,” when talking to the camera alongside Jeff, to which the latter responds, “You think?”
In the office, Jeff says that she wants to date Giulini again. When he relays what happened at the end of the date, Patti snaps, “You’ve gotta get a sense of humor.”*
* See: what I said about celebrities and Patti above.
“Now give me a hug and get the f— out of here,” she adds.
The end of episode credits then tell us: “In the end, Giulini did not want to see Jeff again. Jeff is working on his sensitivity… in the game of love.” And: “After her date with Felix, Chilli is more open to dating real and regular guys. She’s looking in Atlanta for a match… either on or off the stage.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Chilli & Jeff Ogden”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 8, Episode 1
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
GENRE – Dating Shows, Reality TV, Trashtastic TV
AIR DATE – December 14th, 2014
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Patti’s first client is Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, one of the members of the former girl group TLC. Patti’s second client this week is retired NFL player Jeff Ogden.