“Looks fade, and dumb is forever.” – Patti
Wedding planning update! Patti and Wedding Planner Kristen head to the Sunset restaurant in Malibu to check it out as a wedding venue possibility. Patti expresses how she wants the dance floor to get “funky” and for people to “get down” at her wedding, and in my mind’s eye I’m formulating an image that is the precise opposite of a packed Parliament Funkadelic show in downtown Manhattan in late 1985.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: the clients and intro videos
Chelsea announces that client #1 in this edition of TMM is Nicole, a South African woman who grew up in England. She owns an event planning service that is dubbed as eco-friendly (Nicole Sherwin Green Events).
At this news, Patti sort of screams, “No! She’s part Brit?” Like this bit of information is akin to hearing that your car just got towed. “She’s probably one of those people that goes on the dates and tells the guy, ‘I don’t like this, I don’t like that…’” Patti adds. Chelsea heartily agrees.
This seems possibly related to the fact that Nicole runs an event planning business, but the whims and whimseys of the good folks at The Millionaire’s Club are often hard to fathom.
Meanwhile, Destin heralds the other client as “gay, superficial, pretentious.” And also: “He’s eco-friendly too and earthy.” But he’s not “crunchy,” more “superficial eco-friendly.”
Looks like we’re in for a good one here, people!
On his intro video, we learn that Doug Donehoo is 39-years-old and the CEO of an eco-friendly “sustainable fashion” company. He’s seeking romance with a fellow eco-friendly guy. Letting the water run while he brushes his teeth is a blocker along these lines, he says. Only those who “get it” need apply.
Meanwhile, Patti is more concerned with Doug’s shirt, which she terms as “Deuce Bigelow: Gay Gigolo.” Rob Schneder was unavailable to comment as of this writing, so apologies there.
I also find it funny that Doug claims to know “almost everyone in West Hollywood,” which has a population of around 35,000 people.
Patti feels that Doug is too superficial, with his overuse of the word “hot.” “What is he, Paris Hilton’s brother?” she asks. Paris Hilton was unavailable to comment as of this writing, so apologies there.
Meanwhile, 40-year-old Nicole Sherwin introduces herself and says she wants to “influence the world in a positive way.” Patti feels that her standards are impossibly high and wants to “direct” her men. Chelsea adds that she has “masculine” energy.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: Patti meets the clients
Patti and Destin head over to meet Douglas, who is in the middle of some kind of photo shoot which requires him to show off his abs. It turns out it’s for one of his catalogs, which Patti quickly assesses is an example of his “uber-narcissism.”
I actually laughed out loud when Doug describes how he’s cutting down on his carbon footprint, and they cut to a shot of him taking out his recycling. It’s not that taking out your recycling isn’t a good thing… but more like it’s an expected thing. But nonetheless, great job Douglas. Golf clap.
Doug goes on to talk about how he wants a partner who won’t feel insecure with him working with other good looking guys, and it hits home that he really does come off as super pretentious and egotistical.
“Looks fade, and dumb is forever,” Patti says in response to Doug’s shallow tastes.
Patti then heads over to meet Nicole. We learn that for some reason, Patti wants to skip the mixer for each client, and instead have them both meet three different men at a restaurant. “You can kiss but you can’t put it in any hole,” Patti also decrees to Nicole (and presumably this also applies to Douglas).
Patti and Nicole then get in a huge argument over where the first “master” date should take place. Nicole wants to go on something called a “toxic tour” to visit oil refineries and such (“sign me up!” said no one ever at any point in time) and Patti flatly declares that she can’t do that. Then Patti “one ups” her by saying that she has a ring and Nicole doesn’t, so obvs she knows best.
They finally agree that Nicole can do the toxic tour if they allow the man to plan the dinner. Sounds like… not a great deal, frankly. But the heart is a lonely hunter, as they say.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: the recruiting session
It’s an all male edition of the recruiting session, so the gang (Patti, Destin, Chelsea) plays a game of “gay or straight” and it’s so obvious that this episode aired in a different era and climate than the time of this writing.
Highlights of the interviews include for Douglas:
- Clay is a party planner who can skin a deer. Patti loves his enthusiasm, and says, “he hunts and fishes but what do you know, he’s gay.”
- Alan, a stylist, is told, “You would be much cuter if you didn’t have Bozo hair.” He’s also missing a tooth. “Flaws make you more real,” says Alan. And thus Patti pegs him as a Test Guy to get a read on whether Douglas is capable of being less superficial (the Magic 8 Ball points to “not”).
- David, a retail manager who had a mini-date with Smike in a recent episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker, seems like a great guy… and therefore I’m hoping he doesn’t end up with Douglas, frankly.
And for Nicole:
- Charles, an eco-friendly clinical pharmacist. “He’s tall, dark, handsome, and works in a hospital… he’s Charles Kent,” Patti notes.
- Stuart, a contractor who does a surprisingly decent Tom Cruise impression (or at least the turn, point, and laugh thing).
- Bruce, a CEO of an eco-clothing company, 38. “We can put the two eco-Nazis together and they can live the spiritual bamboo lifestyle,” Patti says in an impressively offhand manner.
Patti also tells some dude, “Those boots were not made for walking.”
The gang gets together after the interviews to do a final selection of three people for each client. Patti is frustrated for a moment, and then realizes that Marc, the guy who had to deal with “cougar crazy” Shauna in the “Shauna & Michael” episode, could be perfect for Nicole.
It’s a Millionaire Matchmaker Season 3 all star reunion, people!
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: the dinner party
Café Del Rey is the spot where Doug and Nicole will meet their potential matches.
“Always be indebted to the man, because that makes the flagpole raise,” Patti tells her clients in another bit of bizarro Patti wisdom.
At dinner, Nicole gets very interrogation-y on Charles with regard to his job (clinical pharmacist). She seems to want to insist that he has, in her view as I take it, a low level gig of “handing drugs out to people,” whereas Charles keeps politely retorting that he works in a hospital. It quickly gets uncomfortable and weird.
Doug meanwhile comes up completely blank at the very reasonable questions that his potential dates are throwing at him (like, “What’s been missing in your relationships?”). Patti rightly calls him out for basically having nothing to say unless the topic is superficial or about his business. Destin pulls David aside to counsel him, but David blows him off, insisting that “they’re all into me… you can’t necessarily see that because you’re straight.”
Back at dinner, Clay has the right read on David: “Do you want a boyfriend, or do you want an assistant?”
Post-dinner, Douglas picks David for The Big Date (the one guy I was really hoping he wouldn’t pick). And Nicole finally warmed up a bit for Bruce, and chooses him. Patti refers to Bruce as an “eco-friendly James Bond.” Which is slighty different versus her “the two eco-Nazis together and they can live the spiritual bamboo lifestyle” comment from the recruiting session.
After the selections are announced, Marc gets a little aggressive, repeatedly referring to Bruce as a “safe bet,” before storming off. I had a soft spot for him due to how poorly (and crazily) Shauna treated him in a previous episode, but no longer.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: Douglas and David’s first date
Douglas takes David on a hot air balloon ride in Temecula, California which, side note, I have also done. My wife surprised me for my birthday some years back. It was super fun, but side to the side note: the California desert can be super freezing in the early morning in the winter!
Anyway, David tells Douglas that he is not thrilled with heights, so this is a bad omen to start things off.
The ride itself goes okay, though the two don’t seem to have much chemistry.
They then have lunch at Ponte Winery, which Doug makes sure to tell us is “the most sustainable winery in California.” He also makes sure to tell us that David is more into him than vice versa.
The “most sustainable winery in California” has steak on the menu, which David picks. This is a huge faux pas for Douglas, who finds the selection “a little disturbing.” When the server arrives, David gets bullied into ordering the chicken pesto dish.
“So you’re not eco-friendly at all?” Douglas continues. And things go on like that: “You have to walk the walk.” “My company…” blah blah from there.
Thankfully, David picks up on everything his date is throwing down, and says in a confessional, “This date is basically The Doug Show.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: Nicole and Bruce’s first date
Bruce meets Nicole next to a bus, and Nicole tells him that someone named Jesus is going to take them on an LA toxic tour.
Side note that Bruce looks like a concert goer from The H.O.R.D.E. Festival from the ‘90s, with his open collar shirt, dark sunglasses, and kind of soul patch facial hair. I kept waiting for him to put a puka shell necklace on.
As for the toxic tour, the two get to see a side of LA that tourists seldom do. It’s some “real LA” stuff.
At the dinner that Bruce planned, he “cheekily” orders tequila shots, which help to mellow out Nicole a bit. What at first seemed like quite a stilted match approaches something like a first date vibe… right up until Nicole flat out rejects his attempt at a first kiss.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: post-dates upshot
Patti calls David, who relates the doings of The Doug Show. “There were times when I questioned whether he realized that someone else was there,” he says.
Douglas stops by the office, and Patti and Destin tag team him over his behavior. It… didn’t really seem to sink in.
Then Bruce tells Patti via phone what went down, up through the rejected kiss. Then Nicole visits the office and says that she enjoyed sharing her “environmental passions” with Bruce. Patti insists that Bruce “earned the kiss.” In any event, Nicole says she is open to a second date with him.
The end of the episode captions let us know: “Douglas and David did not go on a second date. Doug’s still looking for himself.” And: “Nicole and Bruce only went on one more date as Nicole only gave him a peck on the cheek.”
Overall, not the most scintillating episode of TMM, but you can’t win ‘em all.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Douglas & Nicole”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 3, Episode 8
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 16th, 2010
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Douglas Donehoo, Nicole Sherwin
NETFLIX DESCRIPTION – Patti tells a bossy business owner that finding a match may be more challenging since she’s 40 years old. An opulent menswear mogul hunts for Mr. Right.