The ghosts of Patti’s past come back to haunt her on the Season 5 Millionaire Matchmaker reunion special.
The Millionaire Matchmaker Season 5 ends with a two-part reunion special, including the return of four infamous millionaires and the top five Pattymelts (Andy Cohen’s term for Patti Stanger’s hyper roid-rage moments) of all time.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Dressed like a refugee from Vegas, Stanger took the hot seat next to Andy as they opened the show talking about her controversial/problematic comments from a few months ago about gays not being monogamous. There was some awkward bantering about how “Patti’s whole life is about gay rights,” so she was so upset that those comments were taken poorly. She admitted that she does generalize a lot (understatement) and did some soul searching about whether she should curb her off-the-cuff statements. But she said she went to the synagogue, and God said, “Girlfriend, you say what you want,” or something to that effect, so she’s just looking to maybe have a softer delivery from now on.
Andy then addressed Patti’s new look in Season Five, sans trademark bangs and her lithe figure. Patti admits she’s been in the gym more, got some Botox, an eye lift, and her second boob reduction (she was an F cup in case you were wondering). Since she’s 50 and dating, Stanger says she needed to kick it up on the physical front.
Andy then introduced a countdown for The Millionaire Matchmaker’s top five Pattymelts, which entails Patti going ballistic on a client who did something rude, stupid, lascivious, or a bit of each in her judgment.
- #5: Will Ratner – who brought his assistant with him on his master date (see: the “Ayinde & Will” recap).
- #4: Ayinde – the superior dater who thought Patti’s selections weren’t smart or pretty enough. Patti told him to “Eat me!”
- #3: David Vroubel – was thrown out of Patti’s office for being creepy on his dat (see: “Divorced From Reality”)
- #2: Jason in NYC – who brought his posse of frat boys to his master date, which Patti forbade him to do. She exploded on him and called him a Brooklyn punk as she threw him out of the Millionaire’s Club.
- And the #1 biggest melt down came with Shauna, the Botox millionaire who was the show twice and clashed epically with Patti each time. Labeled a crazy cougar by Andy, Shauna literally ran away from her second date because he was too old (or something). See: “Shauna & Michael.”
Surprise, surprise, Shauna shows up at the end of Part 1 and sits on the couch across from Patti for the first time since the taping of her last appearance.
The ladies were a little tense with one another but Shauna was a mellower than expected as she explained her aversion to poor Mark, who watched her do a roadrunner move on him before their master date even got started.
Shauna explains his energy was just wrong for her, and admits that she is dating now but not married. Patti asks what her type is now and Shauna says people who don’t “think old.” Patti rattles Shauna’s chain by telling her “I told you so” on a couple of behind the scenes conversations they had about dating too young.
Shauna admits she had a lot of anger during the filming of her episodes, but that Patti does too so they have plenty in common. Andy asks Shauna if she wants an apology from Patti, and Shauna says that she doesn’t and would definitely give Patti’s matchmaking services a try again. She adds that next time she wants a Sex in the City, “Mr. Big type guy” that is loaded and wants to care for a woman.
Patti sighs and tells her a rich man doesn’t want to compete with a successful woman, and they “date down” so don’t expect miracles. It’s a rather adult exchange, which is shocking for a Bravo reunion show where tables are usually flipping and weaves are flying. I can’t wait to see if Shauna gets to bring her surprise eyes back in Season Six.
Otherwise, we got to see four return millionaires. Hello Kitty Robin from the New York City-based season was first. She was the giggly lush that wanted a “Jewish Matthew McConaughey.” She wound up on a date with the attractive Luke and basically molested him throughout dinner, along with offering to be his “Sugar Momma.” Robin was more subdued at the reunion, and revealed she was building a pink Hello Kitty summer house, which put the whole panel into a fit of giggles.
Season Two millionaire Heidi came off much better as she explained her instant connection with Vancouver businessman Bill. As Patti warned, Bill did turn out to be an ageist and while they dated for more than a year, it didn’t work out. However, Heidi revealed that she is two weeks away from her wedding to an Australian single father and she couldn’t be happier.
Real estate mogul Madison from Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing explained how his seemingly perfect first date with a surfer was just a friendship and there was no sexual chemistry. Andy, Patti, and his fellow millionaires were bummed but Madison says the show helped him see that what he really wants is a totally together guy who would be more than just a fling. Until he finds him, Madison says he’s happy working and just being single.
Lastly, Marcelles, the ESPN analyst from Season 5, charmed Patti and Andy. While he had a great date with Monique, her work took her overseas and they have since split. He said they had a lot of nice hanging out time, but their schedules never meshed. Single again, Patti and Andy raved over his humor and down-to-Earth approach. Andy asked if maybe Marcelles and Patti should give it a try, but Patti demurred and said she had a girl in mind for him already.
Part 2 looks like it may include a proposal and more guests from past episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. Bring on the drama, says I.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Reunion, Part 1”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 5, Episode 14
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 29th, 2011
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Andy Cohen
IMDB DESCRIPTION – Andy Cohen sits down with Patti for the first-ever reunion special. Visited by some of Patti’s most memorable clients, including Hello Kitty fanatic Robin Kassner, who offered to buy her date a Maserati; Stacy Kessler, who Patti accused of having a mid-life crisis; Zagros Bigvand, who didn’t follow Patti’s rule of ‘no sex before monogamy;’ retired NFL star turned ESPN-commentator Marcellus Wiley, ‘Million Dollar Listing’ star Madison Hildebrand, and more.
The review originally appeared on TV Geek Army.