“How many more vibrators can I take?” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: client intros
After Patti Stanger brags about how “everyone has been begging me to write a book for the last 18 years,” and we then get the exciting reveal of the hardcover edition design of “the bible of dating,” Chelsea delivers the news that Sex Toy Dave – good old “STD” as Destin puts it – is back as a Millionaire’s Club client.
Check out our full and snark-tastic Millionaire Matchmaker episode guide and updates! Trash and treasure in equal increments, we promise.
Sex Toy Dave = Dave Levine, who was previously featured on the “Dave/Harold” episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
The last time around, Dave ended up having a nice date with a woman named Brooke, but then “stepped in it” when he subsequently neglected to invite her to a pool party… which Brooke soon found out about.
In case it’s not clear, Dave owns a sex toy company, and part of his deal is that he’s got a stripper pole and sex toy paraphernalia all over his house.
“How many more vibrators can I take?” says Patti.
Destin introduces Client #2, Shauna Raisch, a millionairess who is in the process of moving from Minneapolis to Los Angeles, where she’s opening a new salon of some sort.
Patti’s first reaction to seeing Shauna on videotape is to ask her staffers: “Do I look her age, or younger? Quick!”
We also learn that Patti is 47 years old as of Season 2.
Anyway, Shauna almost married once but “circumstances caused that not to happen.” Now Shauna wants someone who is super fit and “model gorgeous.”
Patti calls it “Dorian Gray syndrome.”
In a montage, Shauna tells us that she’s not “your average girl” because she’s into shooting guns at a firing range, and also likes cars and fashion. “At this point in my life, I think I deserve the perfect guy,” she adds.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: Patti meets the clients
After nearly walking into The Millionaire’s Club in time to hear Patti talking trash about her, the vibe between Shauna and Patti is cold and strained from the outset. After Patti tells Shauna that her “blockage” – relating to her being hesitant to reveal details about her relationship with her ex-fiancé – will prevent her from finding true love, things quickly get contentious.
When Shauna defends herself with telling Patti that she is “not nice,” Patti tells her that indeed she isn’t nice, “But you know what, I get the job done.”
Patti also goes into a little diatribe about being something like God’s representative on Earth with Cupid’s arrow “to help the little people find love,” that gets seriously weird.
It seems like maybe things can get back to a normal tenure, but after Patti tells her to “buckle up” for the “bumpy ride” ahead, Shauna walks out, saying “this just really isn’t for me.”
Afterward, Patti talks a lot about how much Botox Shauna must have done in her view, and also calls her a “superficialist,” while Shauna calls Patti “a f—ing b—-,” among other things.
Conferring with her staff, Patti adds that Shauna looks much older in person than she does on her video, and that she’s “not getting laid so she’s not releasing.”
So, to recap, the gals just really really don’t like each other, it seems.
On the way over to STD’s crib, Patti relays that Dave has continued to fail to find a serious relationship over the year or so since his last appearance on The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Dave reminds us that his sex toy business brings in over $10 million a year, and now that he’s in his 40s he’s ready to settle down and get married. However, he’s “not looking for the average girl” and wants someone who is “organized” with “a real good job” and who is “a good person,” and who also in Patti’s words is “a wild girl who likes to party.”
Patti is impressed that Dave has upgraded his furniture and made the place look a little mature, though she notes that the stripper pole and “game room” are still in place.
She also calls out STD on his wish list for a romantic partner, noting that getting all of those qualities in addition to being okay with a stripper pole in the living room is the “holy grail.”
Sex Toy Dave agrees that the holy grail is what he wants and then puts the cherry on top: “I would also like a girl who likes other girls.”
“Oh, Charlie Sheen,” Patti sighs in response. Then adds: “Are you a swinger?”
“I’ll do that,” Dave replies.
Meanwhile, Destin convinces Patti to have a second meeting with Patti, and they meet at an upscale mall that I believe is called Santa Monica Place, right off the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica.
Now that the two women are able to talk somewhat civilly, Patti reminds Shauna that she asked her to find “a young, studly muscle man” for her (that is a direct quote, I’m sorry to say).
Shauna says that she loves the Ashton Kutcher type, a “metrosexual” who is into style.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: the recruiting session
Patti focuses on finding a younger, hot guy for Shauna who will be okay with dating an older, wealthy woman. Christian, the CEO of a production company, impresses her with saying that he’s fine if Shauna isn’t “a 10” as “looks fade with age,” while Zach the photographer meets the metrosexual, stylish criteria – especially after he takes off his weird, hipster cap.
For Sex Toy Dave, a number of women professed to being fine with a stripper hole at Dave’s house, but it’s Jhoanna who Patti likes the most for him. She’s absolutely fine with the stripper pool and even says that she’s very into both sex toys and other women. “If Dave does not like Jhoanna, he’s gay,” Patti concludes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: Dave and Johanna’s first date
Instead of a mixer, Patti decides to simply have both of her clients meet the person she selects for each of them this time around, so Dave meets Johanna at a rooftop pool in Los Angeles.
Dave cracks me up (in a laughing at him way, I’ll admit) as he strides out to meet her by the pool with his shirt unbuttoned to his waist, dark sunglasses, and faux hawk that together just kind of scream nerd that’s trying too hard.
That dynamic continues as Dave stammers and can barely articulate an answer when Johanna asks him where he’d want to take her on vacation (also immediately implying Sugar Daddy dynamic to a potential relationship, but let’s set that aside for the moment).
Johanna is more than comfortable of carrying the conversation though as she relays that she’s the kind of girl who will end up taking her top off at parties and also enjoys sidling up to other women as she’s at it.
In an interview with the camera, STD admits that Johanna may be a little bit more than he bargained for. However, he ends up asking her out on a second date, and she agrees.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: Shauna and Zach’s first date
Shauna and Zach meets at an elegant wine bar, and Shauna’s first impression, that she reveals to the camera, is that she thinks that he’s a sloppy dresser.
Also, question: is Zach still wearing the weird, hipster cap? Answer: yes. Yes, he is.
Shauna also immediately complains that Zach didn’t take her to “a more happening lounge” or someplace more “active” like a racetrack or a yacht.
When Zach says that he’s an “aspiring photographer” who wants to get into “high fashion,” she warms up a bit, and tells the camera that he’s “actually cute” and someone that she shares some interests with. They also find out that they’re both into guns.
I’ve never felt more on the same page with Shauna when she calls out that “maybe Zach needs a different hat” as part of the wardrobe transformation that she would like to oversee for him.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: post-dates upshot, Part I
Shauna stops by The Millionaire’s Club office and tells Patti and Destin about the date. While Shauna reemphasizes that she’d love to give Zach a fashion makeover, it’s implied that it’s a one-and-done date and that Patti will find someone else for Shauna to try out.
“It’s all about baby steps with this superficial b—-,” Patti says.
When Sex Toy Dave meets up with Patti, Destin, and Alison for lunch, he says that the one thing that bothered him about his date with Johanna is when she said, “Once I have sex with you, I own you.”
Which, comes to think of it, really means that Johanna might have a ton in common with Jenni a.k.a. JWoww of Jersey Shore fame.
“That means she’s telling you she’s good in bed, duh,” is how Patti reacts to this. “You’re clueless for women,” she adds.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: Shauna and Tony’s first date
Cut to another upscale looking wine bar/restaurant, where Tony – newly selected from the Millionaire’s Club database – meets Shauna. Immediately, Shauna credits Patti for finding her someone “so much hotter” than poor, hipster capped Zach.
It’s clear that Tony, a restaurant manager, is much more self-assured with Shauna, and the date starts off rather well.
It’s fun to monitor Shauna’s reaction when Tony says that he’s always been into “more mature” women, given her sensitivity and superficiality around age.
Tony says that he would love to teach Shauna how to surf and snowboard, which she seems into.
Tony has this vibe-y way of speaking, and when the date ends he says, “Well until the next time, I guess, right?”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: Dave and Johanna’s second date
Johanna shows up at Dave’s place this time around, and immediately she asks him to try out the stripper pole. Both of them give it a twirl, and Dave credits her “mad skills there.”
“She looked very good,” he adds.
Next up, Johanna picks up a “whipper tickler,” and says that while she doesn’t like being whipped, she’s more than okay with doing the whipping.
The couple then heads out via stretch limousine, and have some wine in the back. Dave then starts rubbing Johanna’s shoulders and she says, “Massages make me horny. Does it make you horny?”
“I’m sorry, I haven’t had sex in a long time,” she adds, laughing.
Seaprately, Dave says that while he’s attracted to her, he’s feeling more “pressure” at this stage of dating than he expected and doesn’t feel comfortable overall.
Next up: a gondola ride through the Venice canals, which Steve Lobel also did with his date, Allie, on The Millionaire Matchmaker called Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel (“Return of the Teddy Bear and The Shredder”).
By the time that Johanna reveals her “crazy crazy crazy fetish” to Dave and gives a big lick of his face and eyes as the punchline to her joke (I guess?), Dave’s wide smile in response is much more placating-meets-I can’t wait to get out off the gondola versus indicating that he’s really into it.
And this is before Johanna announces that she’s bored, then takes Dave’s belt off, ties it around his neck, and climbs around his shoulders in the back of the boat.
Soon after, Johanna moves into kiss him – which seemingly was out of boredom on her point at that late date – and Dave begs off.
“I want to go home,” Johanna says, with a distant look in her eyes.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch: post-dates upshot, Part II
Out on STD’s deck, Dave tells Patti that Johanna is nice but wild. He also relays that he doesn’t see a relationship with her as they don’t have very much in common.
“I’m proud of you, you’re growing up, my little grasshopper,” Patti tells him. “That means you’re evolving.”
Back at the office, Shauna tells Patti that her date with Tony was great and that “he’s really cute.” Interestingly, she says that she wants to go out with both Tony and Zach again.
“You might as well not put all your eggs in one basket,” Patti agrees. “Let’s play the field.”
Patti and Shauna end their blood feud with a hug, and then we smash cut to the end of episode captions, where we learn: “Shauna didn’t go out with Zach or Tony again. She has not found her L.A. boyfriend yet.” And: “After Dave recovered from his date with Johanna, Patti set him up with a nice, sweet girl he wants to take home to mom.”
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Dave & Shauna”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 2, Episode 6
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – March 19th, 2009
GOOGLE PLAY DESCRIPTION – Ecstatic that her career is taking off in so many different directions, Patti proudly shows off her new book cover, “How to Be Your Own Matchmaker,” to her staff. In Millionaire’s Club business, this week Patti takes on Shauna, a gorgeous cougar “millionairess” who owns an upscale salon in Minneapolis and enlists Patti’s help to find her a hot, young trophy husband. Patti also checks back in with her client “Sex Toy” Dave, who appeared on the first season of “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Patti’s first meeting with Shauna erupts into an exchange of insults when Shauna gets offended by some of Patti’s usual probing questions, prompting Patti to turn over Shauna’s matchmaking duties to Destin. Not wanting to give up his party lifestyle, Dave insists that Patti find him a woman that matches his swinger ways.
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV