“He’s not really rocking. He’s a software guy.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: the clients & intro videos
After Patti Stanger takes a moment to explain how disappointed she is at the “Plain Jane” headshots she receives in the mail from women looking to get hooked up with her fabulous millionaire clients, we move onto meeting a new set of gentlemen in this edition of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
As soon as Jeff Bodean’s intro video begins, Patti says, “Whoa, what’s up with his hair?”
The answer is, he kind of has Aging Rocker Guy Hair, but the real question honestly should have been, “Whoa, what’s up with the really creepy way that he styles his soul patch?”
Which is like a straight line of hair between his lower lip and chin that you might expect the bassist from the band Anthrax might fashion himself with on a reunion tour.
Oh, that’s being too specific? My apologies.
Jeff lives in the fancy neighborhood of Brentwood in Los Angeles and is 44-years-old. He owns a software company that makes products for Apple or something, and while this is going on, Patti blurts, “He needs a major makeover.” Jeff goes on to talk about his rags-to-riches story – he’s worth $30 million, he says – and his dream women are Jamie Presley and Audrey Tautou.
Patti immediately complains that Jeff is looking for “perfect ten looks,” but this of course is highly ironic given her “Plain Jane” comments about the women she’s seeking to connect these (mostly) dudes with.
Patti’s final comments on “working with” Jeff: “I’m gonna slap that b—-.”
Julien Lecomte, 28, is of French descent on his father’s side, and has much more of the typical white guy/rich dude vibe that The Millionaire Matchmaker typically plies its trade in. He’s in finance and looking to get into real estate, which is always one of those blah blah blah portions of the episode, if you can dig.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: Patti meets the clients
Patti heads over to Jeff’s house, who she explains is “still living like it’s the ‘70s.” “He’s not really rocking. He’s a software guy,” she adds.
Meanwhile, cut to Jeff talking about how much he likes to party it up in LA and enjoys “everything that Hollywood has to offer.” So this is not necessarily marriage material here yet, ladies.
Jeff flirts with Patti right off the bat, which oddly seems to soften her up a bit. Patti then segues into asserting that Jeff basically needs to update his Izzy Stadlin-meets-Jerry Seinfeld’s poofy shirt wardrobe, and then he’ll be good to go.
On the way over to Julien’s place, Patti says that he’s a great guy who is analytical, reserved, and “somewhat conservative in his thinking.”
Then something pretty hilarious happens. Creepy music descends as Patti gets close to Julien’s house, and it’s obvious that we’re supposed to know that we’re not on LA’s fabulous West Side anymore. She gets out of the car at Julien’s place and calls The Millionaire’s Club office, exasperated that she’s in the “Pasadena Ghetto*” and demanding to know if this is a practical joke.
* This is also hilarious as my wife and I lived on the north side of Pasadena, California for many years. One block west of our quiet street, things were quite sketchy, while one block to the east and north, filming took place constantly for commercials, TV shows, and movies. That’s life in Los Angeles and its surroundings in a nutshell.
The funniest thing about this, of course, is that the cameras cut to Julien inside of that very house before he opens the door to meet Patti, so obviously everyone (and especially Patti) knew exactly where Julien was living all along.
And that’s all aside from the very open question of whether or not Julien really lives at what’s indeed a somewhat modest living situation or whether the entire thing is a reality TV put on.
Julien actually has two roommates and explains that the living situation dates back to his college days. Patti blurts out that it’s “Chateau Ghetto” and goes on to say he’s a lazy, cheap, son of a b—-.”
Patti bores into him immediately that “no girl would date him” for living in such a situation, and Julien counters, asking if she’d be the “right kind of girl” anyway. I feel like Julien stepped into Patti’s universe from a completely different reality – the one, frankly, that most normies exist in.
Which is all to say it’s very entertaining.
Patti demands that Julien move out of his place immediately. Julien, who is laid back and pretty good natured, at least nods along with Patti’s plans for him.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: the recruiting session & mixer
While maybe it shouldn’t be, I find one of the strangest things about The Millionaire Matchmaker to be when Patti and her minions sift through glossy headshots of (mostly) women to seek out people to flesh out an upcoming mixer.
It’s very Hollywood casting process, which is precisely what it’s intended to be, really.
Anyway, the recruiting session is held at a fancy looking Japanese restaurant called Yamashiro. Patti had dragged Jeff into meeting with a stylist, and the end result is a somewhat less shaggy-looking millionaire. Best of all is that he was compelled to shave off his Mötley Crüe-circa Generation Swine soul patch.
“I watched it go down the sink this morning, but I need to go with the flow,” says Jeff.
Highlights of the recruiting session include Jeff fumbling around while trying to do a magic trick involving dollar bills (and being slightly rude/awkward to one of the ladies in the process), and a woman not understanding Julien’s French accent. Patti soon grumbles how Julien “ruins it” with the ladies when he opens his mouth, despite his height and good looks.
For the mini date round, Julien selects Jacqueline and Millionaire’s Club staffer Chelsea, who Patti “slipped into” the mixer as a potential match for Julien. Patti then asks Jeff, “Who makes the flagpole raise?” And the answer is Tara and Corinne.
For the master dates, Julien selects Jacqueline, leaving Chelsea relieved, while Jeff goes with Tara, an event planner. The only real highlight of their mini-date was when Tara told Jeff that he’s got a vibe akin to Criss Angel if Mindfreak fame.
Jacqueline is way less than enthused by the idea of going on a date with Julien, but Patti goads her into it with the idea that she can report back on what is “wrong” with him so that she can fix it.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: Julien and Jacqueline’s first date
We cut to the Big First Date… not in progress. Julien is 45 minutes late to meet a relationship expert named Dr. Fox at a café, and she is rightly pissed off about it.
Julien finally rolls up in some kind of blue luxury sports car, and apologizes for “wasting your time.” And then Dr. Fox tells him to be more assertive and decisive or some such.
Finally, we get to Julien sitting down with Jacqueline at a fancy-looking restaurant.
When Julien talks to Jacqueline about what she might want to eat (“What I may suggest if I can is that we first find an entrée, and then we can try to pair that with the right wine”) I realized that his issues with speaking to the Humans of Earth go far beyond is slight French accent. Really what he reminds me most of is the rambling word salads that Cousin Greg from Succession often delivers.
“That’s a perfect plan,” Jacqueline says, but reading her tone her clear message is please I’m begging you for the love of the Gods of the Humans of Earth just STOP TALKING.
More scintillating Julien chatter: “I think I’m gonna throw in a dash of what appears to be leeks here… give that a shot.”
“Sometimes I felt like I was being taught about food and things like that,” Jacqueline tells the camera in a confessional interview.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: Jeff and Tara’s first date
Meanwhile, Jeff and Tara zip off in Jeff’s gray sports car to the airfield, where they hop on a private jet. Or a PJ, as the kids like to say. The rich ones, anyway.
Whereas Jacqueline is standoffish and bored, Tara is flirty and flat out forward. For example, when Jeff says that when they go wine tasting, he’ll be doing more spitting than swallowing (and immediately owns up to the obvious double entendre there), Tara quickly says, “I like to swallow.”
Somewhere, Austin Powers is saying oh behave!
The destination is Santa Rosa wine country north of San Francisco. We cut to the couple hanging out at some kind of “castle,” and Tara gushes, “I feel like I’m in a dream right now.”
“It’s been the greatest day I’ve ever had… it’s like a fairy tale,” she tells the camera.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: post-dates upshot
Julien meets Patti at a café to get the lowdown on his date, but then quickly drops on him that Jacqueline didn’t get the “chemistry vibe” and doesn’t want to date him (or talk to him) ever again. “I think she goes for the edgier, snowboarder type,” she adds.
Julien also says that he’ll move out of his college-y place in Pasadena, which makes Patti happy.
Jeff’s date obviously went well, and when Patti asks if a second one is in the works, Jeff says that he left it at “we’ll talk soon.” This leads to a pretty interesting argument in which Patti gets annoyed about how “LA men” don’t “push” enough when pursuing a woman they’re interested in whereas New York guys “hunt” (as in they ask for the next date more assertively, I guess) and then move on if they get a “no” because they’re “smart.”
“Men who hunt are the ones who get,” Patti concludes in classic Patti Speak.
The end of the episode captions then tell us: “Jeff took Patti’s suggestion and called Tara. They are now seeing each other.” And: “Julien continues to work on opening himself up. Taking Patti’s advice, Julien is currently searching for an upscale home in Hollywood to help him in his quest for true love.”
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jeff/Julien”: where are they now?
Jeff Bodean is a producer and actor, and via IMDB, he’s mostly been involved with a TV show called Creature Features. And by “involved,” I mean he’s credited as the executive producer for a whopping 373 episodes across 2016-2024, and has portrayed the character of Vincent Van Dahl in 375 episodes.
Creature Features is described as follows: “a has-been rock star Vincent Van Dahl hosts horror films in his haunted mansion with the help of his stalwart butler Mr. Livingston and quixotic housemate Tangella.” So there you go.
Some stats and info about The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Jeff/Julien”
TV SHOW – The Millionaire Matchmaker
SEASON/EPISODE – Season 1, Episode 2
NETWORK/STREAMING SERVICE – Bravo
AIR DATE – January 29th, 2008
GENRE – Reality TV, Dating Shows, Trashtastic TV
STARS – Patti Stanger, Destin Pfaff, Rachel Federoff, Jeff Bodean, Julien Lecomte
IMDB DESCRIPTION – Patti deals with major Peter Pan syndrome with her millionaires. Jeff is an aging “wanna-be” rocker, while Julien can’t seem to break the ties with his run-down college residence and roommates.
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