“He is gonna end up in the nursing home alone, okay? Incontinent, unloved.” – Patti Stanger
Your pop culture afterburner – fueling obsessive pop culture projects and deeply opinionated coverage of TV, movies, and music.
Tag: Trashtastic TV
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Heinz Holba & Paul Murad (“Heinz/Paul”): a first date wedding proposal?
“Do you think he escaped the Taliban?” – Patti Stanger
Hotel Hell, “Monticello Hotel”: the loving Mr. Lovingfoss
“I mean really, how f—ing arrogant.” – Dan Laney
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dawn Robinson & Diana Gowins (“Nene’s Bridesmaids”): lead with the sexy
“I’m not a game player.” – Diana Gowins
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel (“Return of the Teddy Bear and The Shredder”): guns, gondolas, and bats
“I’m not perfect, but I’m picky.” – Steve Lobel
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Vegas” Dave Oancea & Gerry McCambridge (“Make Time for Love and Betting On Change”): trailer park city
“You’re just gonna tell me that Yoda over there sleeps with girls and they just fall at his feet.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein (“Frat Brat and Numb with Fear”): making Hollywood his frat house
“Sometimes boobs come with a kangaroo pouch.” – John Bonavia
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Justin Cooper & Chad Towersey (“The Fixer and The Dick”): I’m a guy at the end of the day
“Did I have a one-night stand last weekend? Yeah.” – Chad Towersey
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Emil Chynn & Daniel Passov (“The Technical Brain and Moonstruck”): in the freaking hot tub
“Where’s the farm, where’s the cow you’re milking?” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Ian Bernardo & Jeff Ogden (“The Trust Fund Brat & The Cliffdiver”): let me tell you how I spell love
“I’m unique and other people can’t handle it.” – Ian Bernardo
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Matt Brooks & Adam Winters (“Mr. President Meets the ‘Beverly Hillbilly’”): if you make the money, you make the rules
“What Southern fantasy world is this guy living in?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Katrina Parker & Dr. Theo Kousouli (“Workaholics”): seeking Mr. Darcy
“How long have you been 29?” – Patty Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Stefan Richter & Brian Minter (“Kid in a Candy Store and Groundhog Day”): the grim reaper of love
“I can’t have a vegan, I would kill myself.” – Stefan Richter
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Fiona Forbes & Jack Roddy (“The Shy Extrovert and The Rescuer”): getting those wheels greased downstairs
“He’s a little rougher around the edges than my average client.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Robbie Mione & Dane Dunn (“Mr. Superficial and the Nutjob Magnet”): creepy city
“A boat doesn’t make your dick bigger.” – Robbie Mione
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Rosie Pierri & Andrew Christian (“The Late Bloomer and The Gay Hugh Hefner”): it’s gonna sparkle
“We got a 46-year-old virgin over here.” – Rich
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Joe Bayen & Frank Cerino (“The Running Man and Great Expectations”): it’s about me, it’s about me, it’s about me
“What’s Cameroon?” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Mike and Nellie’s”: it tastes like there’s chemicals
“Did somebody die in here?” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Courtney Kerr & Stefan Dahlqvist (“Courtney and The Peacock”): prima donna Dallas
“Why don’t they use tongue?” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Jonathan Cheban & Eric Berman (“The Know-It-All and Bigger Better Berman”): my ass is grass karmically
“How loud do you orgasm?” – Patti Stanger
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares: The Complete Series One and Two DVD Review
Nightmares, British-style.
Kitchen Nightmares, “Leone’s”: rodents watching television
“Pissing with garlic.” – Gordon Ramsay
My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, “My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas”: the gypsies invade the Emerald Isle
“I think he’s just nervous.” – Lavinia
Most Eligible Dallas, “Everything’s Bigger in Texas”: is matt making his move?
Another party, but maybe this one signifies a change in Matt?
Most Eligible Dallas, “Take the Bull by the Horns”: pretty pecs and catty tongues
The Dallas friends try to make nice after the dinner party from hell.
Most Eligible Dallas, “Pony Up”: oh, just make out already!
The Dallas clique ends the season with some changes.
Most Eligible Dallas, “Plenty of Fish in the Big D”: natural born poser
Vapid pretty people in Dallas give the city a bad name.
Most Eligible Dallas, “Make Love Not War”: charity meltdowns
The gang gets heated at a charity event in Dallas.
Million Dollar Listing New York, “The Shark, The Smooth Talker and The New Kid”: we are the one percent
“My motto is ‘Expansion: always, all ways’.” – Ryan
Kourtney & Kim Take New York, “Go Get Your Man”: countdown to divorce
“The Hump is back!” – Kris
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, “Out of Wedlock”: time for a chill pill
Kris becomes a minister and Kourtney is, like, so annoyed with her.
I Cloned My Pet, “Episode One”: one of the stranger shows you’ll see
“I lost my wife…but it was nothing like losing my Wolfie.” – Peter
Kitchen Nightmares, “Blackberry’s”: the macaroni looks like vomit
“I feel like Donna Summer’s gonna come through the door.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, don swayze & Randy lehrman (“Softy Swayze and The Boy In A Bubble”): the virtual phantom
“They’re uptight and their face looks like leather.” – Randy Lehrman
Dog The Bounty Hunter, “And Baby Makes Three”: revisiting an old favorite
“Police supply and pet stores are my favorite shopping.” – Dog
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Seth Grabel & Marty Yacoobian (“The Magnificent Seth Meets Party Marty”): Brad Pitt you’re not
“Are all magicians femme?” Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Zeke’s”: swamp décor
“Trust me, you are not a f—ing restaurateur.” – Gordon Ramsay
Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura, “Wall Street”: who’s really behind the economic collapse?
“People, it’s time to be the old proverbial fly in the ointment; let’s invade this so called club.” – Jesse
Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura, “The Police State Conspiracy”: you just made the list
“The government doesn’t control these operations.” – Clem, Fusion Center Spokesman
Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura, “Area 51”: the body takes on the aliens
What’s so special about Area 51? That’s what we’ve got to find out. – Jesse
Bride Shows Blitzkrieg: My Big Friggin’ Wedding and Bridezillas
Ah, a typical weekend whereupon I found myself feasting on a pair of bride- and wedding-centric shows: VH1’s My Big Friggin’ Wedding and We’s Bridezillas.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Damian Guillot & Dr. Chris Patton (“The Red-Headed Mixer”): redheads a go go
“Goddamn, daddy’s not looking to f—ing sit on the couch and f—king play tiddlywinks and start f—king crocheting.” – Damian Guillot
Kitchen Nightmares, “Capri”: gumball rally
“Somebody should tell him the chicken’s definitely dead.” – Gordon Ramsay
Jersey Shore, “Meatball Mashup”: dance ’til your underwear drops
“Do you know what a kuka is?” – Deena
Jersey Shore, “And the Wall Won”: head rush
“I hit my head against the concrete wall. It hurts.” – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino
Jersey Shore, “Twinning”: the games begin
“So you’re winning, while you’re twinning, ’cause you got two twin chicks.” – Pauly D
Kitchen Nightmares, “La Frite”: a slurpy mess of blap
“The color’s ghastly.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Allison Baver & Adam Gaynor (“The Olympian and the Rock Star”): femme-y, flat, and Gumby
“I don’t want to f— a comedian.” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Kingston Café”: secret jerk sauce
“They would f—ing kidnap me if I tried to serve that in Jamaica right now.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Aimee Elizabeth & Matt Riviera (“The Dancer and the Wrestler”): the prize bass stud stallion of the natural state
“I bring way too much to this world not to be re-created.” – Matt Riviera