“We’ve kind of lurched between catastrophe and disaster.” – Andrew
Your pop culture afterburner – fueling obsessive pop culture projects and deeply opinionated coverage of TV, movies, and music.
Category: TV
Dog the Bounty Hunter, “Meet the Chapmans”: I’m a tough guy, you’re not
“I am a lawman on a mission from God against felons.” – Duane “Dog” Chapman, a.k.a. Dog the Bounty Hunter
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: care bears and nixing vixens
“Jesus be a bowling ball!” – Melyssa Ford
Kitchen Nightmares, “The Olde Stone Mill”: it looked like it come out of a baby’s diaper
“This is my house – he’s embarrassing me.” – Dean
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Kevin Grangier & Anthony Cools (“Kevin & Anthony”): no hypnotizing on your date
“What’s with the hair and the teeth and… he’s aging poorly.” – Patti Stanger
Hotel Hell, “Four Seasons Inn”: it’s like a house of madness
“Did the dog just throw up on my plate?” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Farrah Franklin & Kevin Ou (“Farrah & Kevin”): you’re no Keanu Reeves
“Sample the buffet.” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Trust”: yeah, but I’m a land animal, bro
“If you cut corners, people will die.” – Dusty
Kitchen Nightmares, “Finn McCool’s”: tasted like cough mixture
“If Brian weren’t my son, I’d have fired him.” – Buddy Mazzio
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Zagros Bigvand & Uri Man (“Zagros & Uri”): crossing continents with gold and diamonds
“I need to help Uri grow some balls.” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Sebastian’s”: it looks like a can of dog food
“The nominees for the most confused restaurant in Hollywood are Sebastian’s, Sebastian’s, and Sebastian’s.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Michael Prozer & Dr. Robert Nettles (“Michael & Dr. Robert”): trailer park trash
“It was inconsiderate, arrogant, not sexy.” – Alanna
Kitchen Nightmares, “Lela’s”: don’t ask The Buzzard
“That’s one person’s opinion, and he’s entitled to it.” – Ricky
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Panic”: facing your fear
“This will be the toughest test you’ve ever faced.” – Rudy
Hotel Hell, “Hotel Chester”: I’d rather eat a f—ing Beatle
“I feel like I’m in the witness protection program.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Paul Davis & Alex Edelstein (“Paul & Alex”): it’s like Bozo hair, clown hair
“He reminds me of Robocop.” – Destin
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Matt & Jimmy”: he’s a man whore
“Chicago’s dried up and now they want another city.” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Brotherhood”: shame retains
“It don’t get no better than this, taking a shower in a flophouse. This is paradise!” – Cam Newton
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch (“Dave/Shauna”): she’s telling you she’s good in bed, duh
“How many more vibrators can I take?” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “The Secret Garden”: an ego the size of France
“I see a man who is far more in love with himself than he is with this restaurant.” – Gordon Ramsay
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3: “Terror”: who will survive the day?
“I’m more scared of the water than I am of the DS.” – Robyn Wieber
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Daniel Maltzman & Chris Palzis (“Daniel & Chris”): Nobody likes a brag-asaurus
“I am an artiste. I hope you like it hot.” – Daniel Maltzman
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Survival”: make no mistake, this will suck
“We don’t want excuses, we want results.” – Rudy Reyes
Hotel Hell, “Applegate River Lodge”: Pa Butt’s Butt Hut
“We party a lot in here, who knows what happens to the carpets, right?” – Pa Butt
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Ocean Warfare”: this is the ultimate in gnarly, bro
“Ocean warfare is treacherous.” – Rudy Reyes
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Harold Wrobel & Jeff Koz (“Harold & Jeff”): I’m not your whipping boy, okay?
“He is gonna end up in the nursing home alone, okay? Incontinent, unloved.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Heinz Holba & Paul Murad (“Heinz/Paul”): a first date wedding proposal?
“Do you think he escaped the Taliban?” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test season 2, “Capture”: you demand a slap (or worse)
“The aim of the interrogation is to push the recruit’s limits to see where their breaking point is.” – Dusty
Hotel Hell, “Monticello Hotel”: the loving Mr. Lovingfoss
“I mean really, how f—ing arrogant.” – Dan Laney
Kitchen Nightmares, “Campania”: it looks like a bison’s tongue
“So sorry about the old bag.” – Gordon Ramsay
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test season 2, “Grit”: this is where we ambush them with chaos
“It’s gonna get brutal.” – Billy
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dawn Robinson & Diana Gowins (“Nene’s Bridesmaids”): lead with the sexy
“I’m not a game player.” – Diana Gowins
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test season 2, “Survival”: the will to fight
“Y’all want to know what it’s like to be one of us? This is what it is.” – Q
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Lobel & Rachel Uchitel (“Return of the Teddy Bear and The Shredder”): guns, gondolas, and bats
“I’m not perfect, but I’m picky.” – Steve Lobel
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 2, “Pressure”: I’m gonna take their soul today
“Ignore the pain… We do what it takes to accomplish the mission.” – Rudy
Kitchen Nightmares, “Seascape”: that sewage smell
“Can’t you shut the f— up? Tell him to get out of here.” – Irene
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 2, “Character”: please stop telling me I’m okay, I’m not okay
“I think we need to start smashing them physically more.” – Rudy Reyes
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 2, “Panic”: you just left a man to die
“Cowardice, fail.” – Foxy
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Vegas” Dave Oancea & Gerry McCambridge (“Make Time for Love and Betting On Change”): trailer park city
“You’re just gonna tell me that Yoda over there sleeps with girls and they just fall at his feet.” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 2, “Exposure”: an unadulterated bag of crap
“I was touring. I’m in a band.” – Tom Sandoval
The Millionaire Matchmaker, John Bonavia & David Epstein (“Frat Brat and Numb with Fear”): making Hollywood his frat house
“Sometimes boobs come with a kangaroo pouch.” – John Bonavia
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Justin Cooper & Chad Towersey (“The Fixer and The Dick”): I’m a guy at the end of the day
“Did I have a one-night stand last weekend? Yeah.” – Chad Towersey
Hoarding: Buried Alive, “Not A Safe Place”: there are bugs in there moving around
“My house looks like a tsunami or tornado or anything that picks things up and spins it around and lands.” – Renee
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 2, “Far From Home”: yeah, the whole country’s pissed off at me
“What a mess. Pretty little locks.” – Special Forces guy to Tom Sandoval
Kitchen Nightmares, “The Mixing Bowl”: worse than the Dollar Shop
“When was the last time you ate a salad?” – Gordon Ramsay
Going Dutch, “Pilot”: make that coffee to go
“My body is 60% water and 40% spite.” – Col. Patrick Quinn
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dr. Emil Chynn & Daniel Passov (“The Technical Brain and Moonstruck”): in the freaking hot tub
“Where’s the farm, where’s the cow you’re milking?” – Patti Stanger
Hoarding: Buried Alive, “There Are Mice Everywhere”: down here it’s wicked clutter
“I don’t know why things got out of control like they did.” – Kathleen
Mad Men, “The Jet Set”: a thing like that
“Why would you deny yourself something you want?” – Joy
Kitchen Nightmares, “Bel Aire”: where Astoria dreams are born (or die)
“Maybe we shouldn’t of did this.” – Patty