“It’s not right for a man to go in and ask for directions.” – Dog the Bounty Hunter
Your pop culture afterburner – fueling obsessive pop culture projects and deeply opinionated coverage of TV, movies, and music.
Tag: Reality TV
Kitchen Nightmares, “Hannah and Mason’s”: chicken against raw chicken
“We were in the s—s right off the bat.” – Chris
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back, “The Old Coffee Pot Restaurant”: I’ve got rotten fries
“I’ve discovered the kitchen, and it’s pretty gross.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Marysol Patton & Luke Rockhold”: I smell some money
“If it’s not Mr. Right, it might be Mr. Right Now.” – Reza Farahan
Hoarding: Buried Alive, “A Horrible Sight”: I am a clutter junkie
“My life will probably disgust some people.” – Rick
Kitchen Nightmares, “J. Willy’s”: whenever a sign is flashing, it means desperation
“We’re gonna end up homeless, and it’s all because of J. Willy’s.” – Rick
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Stephanie Pratt, Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag, Kari Whitman”: looks is sex, money is security
“I’m sorry, they’re not getting boners here.” – Patti Stanger
Hotel Hell, “Cambridge Hotel”: look at how dead they are
“It looked like there was vomit on top of it.” – A diner
Dog the Bounty Hunter, “Father and Son”: we’re off to see the wizard
“He might be so high that he might not even know that he missed court.” – Leland
Kitchen Nightmares, “Black Pearl”: a ship that is rudderless
“You’re so full of s— that you should be a politician.” – Gordon Ramsay
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back, “Bella Gianna’s”: it smells like the backseat of my car
“When you attacked my guests, is that how you deal with customers?” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Perez Hilton & Sonja Morgan”: daddy gave tongue?
“If you don’t make money, you’re not going to be able to keep up with me.” – Sonja Morgan
Kitchen Nightmares, “Trobiano’s”: when a chef lets go of a kitchen like this
“It’s my restaurant and my rules, and that should be the bottom line.” – Anthony Trobiano
Hotel Hell, “Calumet Inn”: too much trash talking around here
“This is real life, this is people’s jobs.” – Jocelyn Goeden
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Capture”: it is absolute hell
“I’m just delirious.” – Golden Tate
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Ally Shapiro, Jill Zarin and Prince Ferdinand”: a metrosexual Hans and Franz
“He looks gay, but he’s really European.” – Patti Stanger.
Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted, “Peru’s Sacred Valley”: high altitude cuisine
“That smells amazing, and it’s free!” – Gordon Ramsay
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “On the Run”: everything you have been taught, you’re going to need
“Controlling emotion is the most important thing on the battlefield.” – Dusty
Kitchen Nightmares, “Giuseppe’s”: a horrible rut
“Hope you brought your magic wand!” – Kathy Borgia
Hotel Hell, “Curtis House Inn”: skid marks and a ghost named Betty
“There are spirits here.” – T.J. Hardisty
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas & Jeff Ogden (“Chilli & Jeff Ogden”): you’ve gotta get a sense of humor
“Kick him out, go go!” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Handlebar”: a complete, utter rancid joke
“I don’t want to be a chef.” – Chef Melissa
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Resilience”: this is so gnarly
“it’s gonna get worse for the rest of your time here.” – Jovon “Q”
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Duty”: a chilling highwire traverse
“You need to put your lives on the line to save the life of others.” – Rudy
Dog the Bounty Hunter, “Meet the Chapmans”: I’m a tough guy, you’re not
“I am a lawman on a mission from God against felons.” – Duane “Dog” Chapman, a.k.a. Dog the Bounty Hunter
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford”: care bears and nixing vixens
“Jesus be a bowling ball!” – Melyssa Ford
Kitchen Nightmares, “The Olde Stone Mill”: it looked like it come out of a baby’s diaper
“This is my house – he’s embarrassing me.” – Dean
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Kevin Grangier & Anthony Cools (“Kevin & Anthony”): no hypnotizing on your date
“What’s with the hair and the teeth and… he’s aging poorly.” – Patti Stanger
Hotel Hell, “Four Seasons Inn”: it’s like a house of madness
“Did the dog just throw up on my plate?” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Farrah Franklin & Kevin Ou (“Farrah & Kevin”): you’re no Keanu Reeves
“Sample the buffet.” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Trust”: yeah, but I’m a land animal, bro
“If you cut corners, people will die.” – Dusty
Kitchen Nightmares, “Finn McCool’s”: tasted like cough mixture
“If Brian weren’t my son, I’d have fired him.” – Buddy Mazzio
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Zagros Bigvand & Uri Man (“Zagros & Uri”): crossing continents with gold and diamonds
“I need to help Uri grow some balls.” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “Sebastian’s”: it looks like a can of dog food
“The nominees for the most confused restaurant in Hollywood are Sebastian’s, Sebastian’s, and Sebastian’s.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Michael Prozer & Dr. Robert Nettles (“Michael & Dr. Robert”): trailer park trash
“It was inconsiderate, arrogant, not sexy.” – Alanna
Kitchen Nightmares, “Lela’s”: don’t ask The Buzzard
“That’s one person’s opinion, and he’s entitled to it.” – Ricky
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Panic”: facing your fear
“This will be the toughest test you’ve ever faced.” – Rudy
Hotel Hell, “Hotel Chester”: I’d rather eat a f—ing Beatle
“I feel like I’m in the witness protection program.” – Gordon Ramsay
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Paul Davis & Alex Edelstein (“Paul & Alex”): it’s like Bozo hair, clown hair
“He reminds me of Robocop.” – Destin
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Matt & Jimmy”: he’s a man whore
“Chicago’s dried up and now they want another city.” – Patti Stanger
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Brotherhood”: shame retains
“It don’t get no better than this, taking a shower in a flophouse. This is paradise!” – Cam Newton
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Dave Levine & Shauna Raisch (“Dave/Shauna”): she’s telling you she’s good in bed, duh
“How many more vibrators can I take?” – Patti Stanger
Kitchen Nightmares, “The Secret Garden”: an ego the size of France
“I see a man who is far more in love with himself than he is with this restaurant.” – Gordon Ramsay
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3: “Terror”: who will survive the day?
“I’m more scared of the water than I am of the DS.” – Robyn Wieber
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Daniel Maltzman & Chris Palzis (“Daniel & Chris”): Nobody likes a brag-asaurus
“I am an artiste. I hope you like it hot.” – Daniel Maltzman
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Survival”: make no mistake, this will suck
“We don’t want excuses, we want results.” – Rudy Reyes
Hotel Hell, “Applegate River Lodge”: Pa Butt’s Butt Hut
“We party a lot in here, who knows what happens to the carpets, right?” – Pa Butt
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3, “Ocean Warfare”: this is the ultimate in gnarly, bro
“Ocean warfare is treacherous.” – Rudy Reyes
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Harold Wrobel & Jeff Koz (“Harold & Jeff”): I’m not your whipping boy, okay?
“He is gonna end up in the nursing home alone, okay? Incontinent, unloved.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, Heinz Holba & Paul Murad (“Heinz/Paul”): a first date wedding proposal?
“Do you think he escaped the Taliban?” – Patti Stanger