“My dad wanted to choke Joe out.” – Mill Street Bistro employee
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Tag: Trashtastic TV
Kitchen Nightmares, “Mill Street Bistro, Part 1”: greasy slop
“You’re a small man with a fake bistro.” – Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “La Galleria 33 Part 2”: lunatics leading the asylum
“I really want to go home. I need a cooler… I’m just gonna have a glass of wine.” – Lisa
Kitchen Nightmares, “La Galleria 33 Part 1”: beginning of the end
“I’m really hoping he’s not getting the seafood ravioli.” – Rita
The Millionaire Matchmaker – “Justin & Kevin”: a divorce waiting to happen
“This is textbook Harvard School of Psychology chauvinism.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Ayinde & Will”: eight with a brain
“Does the term a-hole mean anything to you?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Douglas & Nicole”: superficial uber-narcissism
“Looks fade, and dumb is forever.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Trevor & Tricia”: switch hitting
“If anyone can figure out if Tricia’s bi-sexual, it’s Tyler.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jimmy D & Mateo”: off-brand Scarface
“Oy vey.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Jason & David”: perfectly rehab
“They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.” – Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”
Below Deck, “She’d Better Not Be Saying”: Adrienne Unleashed
“Serving Adrienne makes me want to vomit in her face.” – Kat
Below Deck, “Strains, Stains and a Big Pain”: bury the kiss hatchet
“Ultimately everyone wants what they can’t have.” – Ben
Below Deck, “Bitchy Resting Face”: blame the blanket
“Balls and everything. That’s not cool.” – Ben
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Smike & Rupert”: let’s get metaphysical
“How LA cliché can you get?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Shauna & Michael”: cougar crazy
“The Botox b—- is back.” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Justin & Tyler”: riding that ride
“How much can you brag, Mr. Emmy?” – Patti
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Omar & Nick”: hauling junk
“I’m a professional, you need to trust me, okay? Otherwise, you’re gonna point your pecker in the wrong direction.” – Patti
Flipping Out, “Wake-Up Call”: topping her off
“Do you think I like to be angry? I don’t.” – Jeff
Flipping Out, “New Kid on the Block”: further away from crazy
“If you’re trying to win a popularity contest, you’re in the wrong business, Sarah.” – Jeff Lewis
Flipping Out, “Too Much of a Good Thing”: mommy loves her little monkers
“Inefficiency. I waste time on all this bulls— and don’t and get anything done. Good morning, happy Monday.” – Jeff Lewis
Flipping Out, “Never Mix Food With Business”: te gusta Elmo
“I’m on your journey… We’re working for your smile.” – David, the mildly creepy owner of Arte de Mexico
Flipping Out, “Never According to Planner”: bubble wrapped antagonism
“it’s not like I can complain to Human Resources because Jenni’s Human Resources, so I’d be complaining to Jenni about Jenni.” – Jeff
Flipping Out, “Hard to Break Family”: painted on Girl Scout jumpsuits
“I’m not above whoring out my assistants. For business.“ – Jeff Lewis
Flipping Out, “Hot Streak, Lots of Baggage”: the Jeff Lewis (martini) experience
“You just don’t want to push a lesbian too far, because they can be tough. And I love the lesbians.” – Jeff Lewis
Chasing Mummies, “Discovered”: national lampoon’s Egypt gone stupid
Between the enormously dumb and the intensely boring.
Chasing Mummies: yeah, it sure looks like the show is staged
Sending people on screen who in theory are who we’re told they are, but in fact are something significantly different, throws everything we’re watching into question.
Chasing Mummies, “Stuck”: a sarcophagus reality
The History Channel’s version of The Hills?
Ancient Aliens, “The Visitors”: appropriately mysterious
They really look like ancient astronauts.
Ancient Aliens, “Alien Tech”: Merlin’s magical rod
“According to many ancient astronaut theorists…” – Voiceover Guy
Ancient Aliens, “Aliens and Monsters”: gorgons, sphinxes, and griffins
Were the mythic creatures of lore really alien creations?
Doomsday Preppers, “Back To The Stone Age”: second chances
“I refuse to be a victim.” – Tim
Doomsday Preppers, “Bullets, Lots of Bullets”: hot preppin’
“I’m a prepper because I’m prepping for when s— hits the fan.” – Paul
Curse of the Frozen Gold: pursuit of long-lost loot
The legend of Slumach’s Gold begins.
Zombie House Flipping: the not undead flip homes to make bread
Despite The Walking Dead-inspired name, this reality show says something about the soul of the American dream.
Toddlers & Tiaras, “Southern Celebrity Glitzmas”: merry glitzmas
The crazy kids and their makeup wagons come out for some holiday fun.
Toddlers & Tiaras, “Southern Celebrity Mini Nationals”: Brock rock
“When Mommy cries, it makes me happy.” – Sydney
Toddlers & Tiaras, “Glamorous Beauties”: passion for pageants
“I’m Emerald and I like to win!” – Emerald
Sister Wives, “4 Houses, 4 Relationships”: splitting at the seams
“We should be moving furniture into one house, not four.” – Kody
The Boonies: National Geographic’s off the grid reality exploit
“Genie! We got us a goat!” – Doc
Toddlers & Tiaras, “Halloween Bash”: scary for reals
“A little bit of pain to win a little bit of better title? She’ll take that all day long.“ – Jamie, on her daughter Chloe
Kitchen Nightmares, “PJ’s Steakhouse”: the quest to not suck that bad
“You know what I know about running a high end steak house? Apparently not much.” – Joe the owner
Kitchen Nightmares, “Sushi Ko”: who’s up for sushi pizza?
“He doesn’t get off his skinny ass.” – Lisa
Kitchen Nightmares, “Mama Rita’s”: try the frozen chimichangas
“Are you her boss or are you her friend?” – Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Spanish Pavilion”: like undertakers at a funeral
“The freshest thing in this kitchen is that pigeon flying around, and he’s lucky he’s still alive.” – Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Fleming”: it’s like a party in your mouth
“My gran could do better, and she’s dead!” – Chef Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Classic American”: serving all of youse all day
“Every night sucks hee-uh.” – Teresa the waitress
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Divorced From Reality”: from creepy to freaky
“If I had to choose one body part, whether it’s boobs or butt, definitely a butt man.”- Doug Kepanis
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Opposites Don’t Attract”: married to the mob
“This is like one of the first tees I came out with: ‘Boys Ain’t S— But Hoes and Tricks.’ I obviously have some issues with guys.” – Leah
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dateapause”: what’s a girl to do?
“Don’t tell me you have that whiny obnoxious New York Jewish type that just doesn’t listen to me, ’cause I just can’t handle that right now.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cinderella and Moondoggie Walk into a Bar…”: looking shabby shabby
“Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy