“Believe me, Henry, everybody thinks this is temporary.” – Don Draper to Henry Francis
Your pop culture afterburner – fueling obsessive pop culture projects and deeply opinionated coverage of TV, movies, and music.
Category: TV
The Boonies: National Geographic’s off the grid reality exploit
“Genie! We got us a goat!” – Doc
Toddlers & Tiaras, “Halloween Bash”: scary for reals
“A little bit of pain to win a little bit of better title? She’ll take that all day long.“ – Jamie, on her daughter Chloe
South Park, “HumancentiPad” – disgustingly good
Some products cannot be unseen.
South Park, “Crème Fraîche”: undercooked
“Thank you, Shake Weight.” – Sharon
South Park, “Coon vs. Coon and Friends”: Shablagoo
“Mint Berry Crunch isn’t afraid of his fat sister.” – Bradley
South Park, “1%”: Rumper Tumpskin, RIP
“Why don’t you go home and cry to your stuffed animals?” – Cartman’s classmate
South Park, “Bass to Mouth”: the electric horsey sauce acid test
“I put a lot of Arby’s Horsey Sauce on those.” – Cartman
South Park, “Broadway Bro Down”: the secret of subtext
Putting an end to Broadway, once and for all.
South Park, “Coon 2: Hindsight”: drill, baby, drill
“We no longer f— the earth, we DP it.” – Tony Hayward
South Park, “The Last of the Meheecans”: viva Mantequilla
“I am the last of the Mexicans!” – Butters
South Park: “A History Channel Thanksgiving”: pilgrims, Native Americans and… aliens
“He’s almost like a Puritan lady whose period hath stopped.” – Miles Standish
Kitchen Nightmares, “PJ’s Steakhouse”: the quest to not suck that bad
“You know what I know about running a high end steak house? Apparently not much.” – Joe the owner
Kitchen Nightmares, “Sushi Ko”: who’s up for sushi pizza?
“He doesn’t get off his skinny ass.” – Lisa
Kitchen Nightmares, “Mama Rita’s”: try the frozen chimichangas
“Are you her boss or are you her friend?” – Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Spanish Pavilion”: like undertakers at a funeral
“The freshest thing in this kitchen is that pigeon flying around, and he’s lucky he’s still alive.” – Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Fleming”: it’s like a party in your mouth
“My gran could do better, and she’s dead!” – Chef Gordon Ramsay
Kitchen Nightmares, “Classic American”: serving all of youse all day
“Every night sucks hee-uh.” – Teresa the waitress
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Divorced From Reality”: from creepy to freaky
“If I had to choose one body part, whether it’s boobs or butt, definitely a butt man.”- Doug Kepanis
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Opposites Don’t Attract”: married to the mob
“This is like one of the first tees I came out with: ‘Boys Ain’t S— But Hoes and Tricks.’ I obviously have some issues with guys.” – Leah
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Dateapause”: what’s a girl to do?
“Don’t tell me you have that whiny obnoxious New York Jewish type that just doesn’t listen to me, ’cause I just can’t handle that right now.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Cinderella and Moondoggie Walk into a Bar…”: looking shabby shabby
“Every time I do a romance novel they tell me a bit of history.” – Cindy
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Player and the Piano Player”: gals grilling
Can Patti turn two different players into lovers?
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Patti Meets Her Mate”: nosedive into snoozeville
“You are gay to the gay gay gay.” – Rachel
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Boys Are Back in Town”: hot boys unite
Patti does her first all-gay mixer with some stellar results.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Sweet Yigit and Johnny Limousine”: Pura-fied Nutella
“If there’s a chakra that’s closed down, then I’m happy to open it.” – Johnny Simon
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “There’s No Place Like Home”: hello sunshine and fake boobs
Patti Stanger is back in LA, ready to match together hearts and checkbooks.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Prince and I”: old money and new money
A literal prince and a nerd seek love from Patti and her team.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Young and the Loveless”: Jersey gents, Brentwood b…
“There are people that fake it till they make it? I don’t really have to fake it, ’cause I’ve already made it. But I could make it even more.” – Skylar Hausewirth
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Chauvinist and the Playboy”: she blew it
Two businessmen try to find the women who will make their babies.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “The Brothers Cruz”: we’re going to pump you up
A pair of brothers try Patti’s patience.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Patti Meets Her Match”: mama’s in the hot seat
Patti decides to give her club a try in the quest to find her own one true love.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Mr. Las Vegas and Mr. Personality”: do I sense a double flop?
Patti tried to work her magic with two guys that need some help.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Hillel and Dylan”: have you seen the muffin man?
“He looks like a muffin.” – Patti Stanger
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Helping the Self-Helpers”: these guys need some work
Two middle-aged self-help gurus need Patti’s help stat.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Greg and Zagros”: if you teach her how to ski…
Skip the lifeboats, everybody drown yourselves on the sound of the whistle!
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “Fred-Ex Delivers”: the lingerie script
“Am I allowed to get a BJ on like the date?” – Freddie Mitchell
The Millionaire Matchmaker, “A Tale of Two Nice Guys”: nice and not-so-nice collide
Patti deals with a repeat offender and a guy who needs his mojo back.
Tony Soprano’s “death scene”: Tony on The Sopranos’ finale
Wherein we imagine what Tony Soprano might have thought about his infamous “death scene” and the final scene of The Sopranos’ series finale.
The Best 100 TV Shows Ever
An entirely subjective list – I’m judge, jury, and benevolent executioner – of my best 100 TV shows, ranked and in order for your reading pleasure.
Jersey Shore, “Like More Than A Friend”: ill romantic!
Here’s why “Like More Than A Friend” was ranked as the #4 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick”: hung up!
“My hair is sacred. It’s like my sacred crown. It means a lot to me.” – Pauly D
Jersey Shore, “Damage Is Done”: glitch in the matrix!
Here’s why “Damage Is Done” was ranked as the #6 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Three Men and a Snooki”: meatball revenge!
Here’s why “Three Men and a Snooki” was ranked as the #8 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Where Is My Boyfriend?”: the crying game!
Here’s why “Where Is My Boyfriend?” was ranked as the #7 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Situation Problems”: Sitch stands alone!
Here’s why “Situation Problems” was ranked as the #9 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Going to Italia”: taxi arrivato!
Here’s why “Going to Italia” was ranked as the #10 episode of Jersey Shore’s wild fourth season.
Jersey Shore, “Ciao, Italia”: end of the experiment!
“So they’re real? The babies with wings?” –Snooki
Jersey Shore, “Drunk Punch Love”: grenade whistle!
Here’s why “Drunk Punch Love” was ranked as the #1 episode of Jersey Shore’s third crazy season.
Jersey Shore, “Back to the Shore”: gorilla juicehead guido heaven!
Here’s why “Back to the Shore” was ranked as the #2 episode of Jersey Shore’s third crazy season.